Wow, I just got done watching Requiem For A Dream, and it had to have been the absolute #1 most depressing movie ever. I had read about it in a magazine, and it sounded really good. And I do suppose that it was shocking for a reason...to elicit a reaction from the viewer and to teach a lesson, I suppose...or maybe to just expose the viewer to the way things can be. If you plan on seeing this movie, don't read on, lest I give anything away. Anyway, there were basically 4 separate story lines going: Jered Leto, his friend, and his girlfriend, who were all three drug-dealers/junkies, and then there was Jered Leto's mom. Jered Leto's mom was a TV addict. She'd always watch this weird infomercial and received a phone call saying she was in a drawing to be on the infomercial. So she got obsessed with losing weight and fitting into this one red dress she had. She tried a hard-boiled egg and grapefruit diet, but she was too tempted to cheat all the time. So her friend had told her about diet pills the doctor could prescribe to make you not hungry and, thus, lose weight quickly. She went to the doctor, got on them, lost tons of weight...but lost her mind in the process. She was going absolutely insane, and it showed the WHOLE process. It was disturbing. I didn't know that over-the-counter speed could make you go insane...maybe it can if you're already half way there, which I think she was even prior to the pills. And then her son Jered (I think his name was Harry in the movie) and his friend were trying to get all these drug deals. Jered lived with his girlfriend. They were so obsessed with getting all these drug deals that they didn't even realize they were developing really bad drug problems. Jered's arm got a nasty infection from shooting up too many times, and it was REALLY gross looking. So his friend took him to the hospital...they both were taken from the hospital and put in jail, but Jered had to go back to the hospital because of his gross arm. He ended up getting it amputated. The friend ended up lying alone in a prison cell and always thinking about his mother and him when he was a child. And the girlfriend ended up sleeping with this one drug dealer guy and then having sex with another girl while a bunch of guys watched so that she could get her fix. There was absolutely not an ounce of hope in the movie. The end was hopeless...it was depressing and horrible, but I think part of me thinks it's a great movie for the artistic factor of it. I feel the way about it that I do about Breaking the Waves. Anyway...sigh.

I'm reading my Jeff Buckley newsletter, and Rufus Wainwright is in it, talking about how he'd have liked to have done a duet with Jeff. A lot of people compare Rufus with Jeff, and while they are similiar, Rufus seems to lack the passion and intensity Jeff had. He does have a really good and Jeff-like voice, though...well, his is a few octaves short of Jeff's. Well it mentioned that Rufus has done a cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," which Jeff also did a cover of. I know this is evil of me, but I really consider "Hallelujah" to be Jeff's song. He just seems to take every song he covers and makes it his own...same with "Lilac Wine" and "Kanga Roo." I always end up listening to the original versions of all his cover songs and hating them. So I decided to download Rufus' "Hallelujah," which apparently is on the Shrek soundtrack. (I think that's a laugh.) And it's a big disappointment. I have a strange gut feeling that Rufus is trying to be Jeff...and, dammit, that angers me. But anger is better than apathy.

I turned 20 yesterday. It was a pretty nice day. I went to my nephew Chris' graduation party and actually had a really good time. I'm usually not a fan of family functions because I always end up sitting in a corner and reading or something...I just can't ever seem to connect with anyone at family events. But yesterday was awesome...everyone ended up talking my ear off. Maybe I'm not socially inept afterall. Wednesday is "family tatoo day." Yes, you heard me right...me and a few of my family members are getting tatooed together. I'm getting more color added to my fairy, which has faded a second time. And I'm getting a cupid on my ankle to complete my "love," "imagination," and "spirituality" trilogy. My brother-in-law Shawn is getting stuff added to his Notre Dame Fighting Irish guy tatoo. And my sister Rose is getting the rose on her ankle made to go all the way around her leg. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm not going to have anything left to look forward to anymore since this is my last tatoo. Why am I always wanting to change myself? Is this healthy?

I also saw Moulin Rouge yesterday. I couldn't really decide if I liked it or not. It was a beautiful movie, regardless of the story line. I liked the music, and Nicole Kidman looked really good...but Ewan was just amazing. I think he is seriously the sexiest human being in the world. I know I say that about everyone, though.

My mother is driving me insane. I want to move out more than anything in the world (besides losing like 50 lbs.)...maybe I'll become a prostitute to make some money. Hmm.

I didn't get all pissy at work yesterday! I'm so happy for myself. Yay me for not being a bitch. But I must go be a slave to "the man" now, so I'll hope my friendliness stays. Damn the man.

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