Oh my gosh, I didn't think things could get any better, but suddenly things are even more perfect. I got to see him so much yesterday. Yesterday was THE best day. I got there at 9:00 in the morning. We went into his bedroom, and he held me for like a half hour and asked how my day went yesterday because we didn't get to talk our usual 3+ hours...hehe. And then we started kissing so softly for another half an hour...like those light, airy kisses...and then we moved into our "other" things. I feel no guilt about taking things so quickly with him...it just feels like the right thing to do. I was making a joke about us being sinners, and he said, "Aw, I don't think we're sinning. I'm just showing you how much I care about you." Anyway, we had so many interesting moments that will go down in our frequently-talked-about-private-jokes pile...sigh...he's just so adorable. Every time I go there, he wants to take a picture of me...I will look HORRIFIC and sweaty and hair matted down and completely spent, and he will say, "You look so beautiful. Let me take your picture." I'm going to start having him take it as soon as I get there instead of right before I leave...because I look bad enough in pictures as it is. Anyway...too much info. He walked me to my car...and we kissed forever, and he would hardly let me go. And there was this black dude staring at us as we're publicly making out. I've never been one to enjoy public displays of affection, but I'm starting to enjoy it. So I left because I had to be to work. And I was so tired at work that I could barely stand it. Then after work, I met Nathan and Matt at this church by my house that Matt goes to. (I think it's funny that two boys I met who are from KY go to a Hamilton church...well Matt does. Nathan thinks the church is crazy, and so do I. It's a Pentecostal church.) And we hung at my house. Matt was up here on the computer (looking up porn, I've discovered...even though I told him not to) and downloading music. Nathan and I were in the basement just cuddling on the couch and talking about ridiculous, wonderful things...and he was doing Ja Rule impersonations that were *THE* most adorable thing I have ever heard. He was talking A LOT last night, for him at least...and I've realized that I think he's been seriously tired and sick ever since I met him...and now he's getting healthy again, and suddenly he's freaking hilarious. I mean, he's been cute and funny this whole time...but last night his personality was magnified, and he was fifteen times as cute as usual (if that's possible...because he's so adorable). He's always touching or rubbing my skin somewhere...and it makes me feel so amazing. I just feel so loved. He glides his hands over the backs of my arms or holds my face when we're kissing, and it's absolutely perfect. He's perfect. He was telling me he's falling in love with me...and I said I was...yet we've not actually said I love you yet. But I'm not worried about it...I'm still waiting on that letter. He had it written yesterday but didn't give it to me when I was there because he said, "I have to add something at the end. I'll give it to you tonight." And then he forgot it when he was over at my house. Matt, who is a rude bastard, was looking through pictures I have sitting by my computer and brought down my skinny pictures. And he said to Nathan, "Look at this hot woman." I went nuts and tried to grab them out of his hand...and almost started bawling my eyes out...and said, "I don't want you to see them and think 'I wish she looked like that again'." And he saw them and said, "I think you look better now, honesty," said it completely seriously. I guess he did fall in love with the "now" Regina and not the "then" Regina. So many people say I look better now, but I think I was SO much better looking back then. I was approximately 50-60 lbs. thinner. I'm not going to get back down to that weight I was at...I'm taking into account the fact that my body is entirely different now than it was then and holds weight differently. I didn't have DD boobs back then, and I was an inch or two shorter. But I really do want to be about 30-40 lbs. lighter. If I'd just STOP EATING I could lose that weight in a month or two. A month or two is nothing. I just am so sick of feeling horrible about myself. Mom always thinks I want to be skinny to get guys...and I keep telling her that I want to be thinner so I feel good about myself. And this is proof...Nathan is totally happy with the way I am now, but I can't stand myself. I'm so self-conscious that I can't fully enjoy being intimate with him. And I deserve to be comfortable with myself...and he deserves a girlfriend who isn't trying to cover herself up or suck stuff in constantly. I'm going to try to live on diet pop...I'm sick of the way I feel when I have food in my stomach. Why can't I have willpower? I feel like getting that surgery...but it can make you sick, and I'm not overweight enough to get it. Sigh, anyway, I will like my body some day. By the end of the summer...that will be my goal. I should set a date. I will like my body by September 1st. I will have lost weight. I will be confident. We'll see what I'm writing in my journal in September. Sigh. But, I am going to end this here. I will get to see Nathan on Saturday, I hope. I love him so much.

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