The past few days, my computer's been REALLY slow. I probably need a new one, but who has the money?! I should become a phone-sex operator. Or not.

I had my job interview on Monday. It went well. I have to do a visit at the home I'll be working at if I get the job. I'll work a little over twenty hours a week. I think that's a good amount. I hope I get the job, and I hope it pays a lot...and I hope I like it!

Last night I had a dream about a few JCM kids and one of my La Petite kids -- Ryan Nutt. He was a kid whose parents were unmarried and very young. His mother was abusive and he, in turn, was hard to deal with and abusive to other kids (and to the teachers, often...he's bitten me). But underneath all his anger, he was craving love so badly. I remember the way he'd just hug me after he got all of his anger out. He was starving so badly for attention. I loved that kid so much. Anyway, he and these other two JCM kids were in the dream, and they were horsing around in JCM. I remember seeing Ryan at the age he'd be now...which is around 5 or 6...and seeing that he could write his name. I wonder what kind of a kid he's going to be. He's going to be a troublemaker. I miss my kids so badly. That was such a hard job. I'd never have quit if it wasn't for my boss and if it wasn't for the horrible pay. They don't pay enough for the stress you get put through. I remember a kid getting a gaping wound while I was was in charge. He was crying so hard, and I couldn't find anything wrong with him. The gaping wound ended up being BEHIND his ear. He stopped crying, so I figured he was okay. Then when his mother arrived, SHE noticed the wound and was really upset -- I could tell. God, I cried the whole way home that day. And I felt bad facing her. I really did watch them like a hawk. God, I'm never putting my kids in daycare.

It's so pretty today. I'm going to wear a skirt to work, partly because it's all spring-ish...and partially because I want to look good for Troy. He plays it really cool, but I think he flirts with me. I definitely flirt with him. I wonder if he's noticed that I'm suddenly dressing up. God, he's so fine.

I'm done with school now. I just have a Math final to take on Tuesday. That's it! Today I was cramming for my Geology final in the food dome, and Andrew sat down with me. He and I ended up talking an entire hour. It was really nice, actually. It's the first time we've actually spoken since just a couple days after we broke up. I know this is my fault -- I stopped contacting him after getting on my "He took advantage of me! I was almost raped!" rampage. I think I exaggerated. He's a great guy -- not one I'd ever date again...but we can be friends. I don't know if we've ever actually HAD an in-person conversation. Our relationship had two phases: 1. The pre-dating talking on the phone for hours on end. It was amazing...I'm not even a phone person, yet we always filled the dead space and just really bonded constantly. And the phase 2. We went right into dating...but never really even had conversations anymore. It's like our abililty to bond conversationally went away. So we'd just...do the physical thing, which was nice I suppose...but just not "right" in accordance with what each of us wanted at the time. Anyway, I'm glad the weirdness is gone.

Then locker-room Sarah (WITH AN H! I know how!) invited me to her party on Saturday. I don't know if I'll be able to go or not because it's going to be a quasi-Van night. But we'll see...maybe we can stop in if at least for a moment. She's such a cute girl...sigh. I have her number now. ;)

I have to get ready for work...fun times. Instead of doing homework between customers, I'm going to have to...CLEAN or something. (Hehe, or read Glamour.)

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