It is actually March 11 right now, but I wrote a bunch of stuff at work yesterday that I'll put up here. I always think a million things but never write them down. I even carry around a little notebook all the time, but I find I rarely use it. I only use it when a POEM pops into my head, not just a random, journal-ish thought. But I'm going to start writing my journal-ish thoughts down, too, because I'm starting to realize that they are as representative of who I am as my poetry, if not more. Maybe writing journal-ish stuff will also bring my poetry vibes back...because they have been in hibernation for quite some time now. So here's the random stuff I wrote on March 10:

Every person is a gift. Because every person is an opportunity to see if you can act in the most loving, creative, and beautiful way, no matter what the circumstances. This is why each person you come into contact with at any given moment is the most important person in your life -- he or she is helping you to create your very self. Remember this, and you will never hate another person.

This should be a horrible day, but for some reason, I feel awesome. It should be a horrible day because I have successfully eaten about one (or 2) of everything in this store. It's my first real, full-fledged binge in over a month. I'm probably going to gain 5 lbs. from it. And I don't care. Because I really don't think this is who I am anymore. And maybe I needed this to happen one last time to realize that. I got a vision in my mind of myself as a thinner girl who can wear about anything she wants and think she looks okay. And I think the vision was actually a glimpse into the future rather than a fantasy. I've tried so long and failed so much -- and I've always doubted that I'd ever attain my goals. But I know I will now. Maybe God let me know this. If so, thank you God. I wouldn't let You (or myself) down. Well, God doesn't care what I look like. He just wants me happy -- and I will be when I prove to myself that my continuously failing isn't inevitable.

I am now reading Friendship With God. I am a good chunk into reading all of Neale's books. When I get more money, I'm going to buy all of them. (I've been borrowing Jessica's.) They give me so much hope. They give me the most intense peace I've ever felt. When I have children, I'm going to introduce them to the books the way the Bible was introduced to me...except with a different frame of mind. The Bible was so forced on me that I right away wanted nothing to do with it. Anytime anything has been brought to me with the "This is the way things are, no buts about it" mentality, I have felt very critical of it and bitter about the whole experience -- am I not smart enough to have a mind of my own and form my own idea of how things are? That is exactly what Neale's books call people to do -- to realize how they, as individuals, truly feel about Life and God. Maybe my children won't be as appreciative of the books as I was since I'll raise them with such a mentality from the very start. I embraced the books the way I did because they were finally telling me what I've known in my heart to be true all along. Finally seeing it written on paper was such a release -- and a relief. I feel as though I wrote the books. I still like the Bible a lot. It's just so old. The people living in those times were culturally very different than us. It's kind of like literature -- I appreciate older literature, such as Shakespeare -- but I cannot identify with the messages as I can with, say, Anne Sexton or Sylvia -- even though they're even from a different generation now. I think one timeless message, though, is love. Jesus preached unconditional love. He even corrected a few parts of the Bible he thought were a bit sketchy. So the supposed Son of God even was telling us "Don't believe everything you read. Think for yourselves!" You go JC! Oh, the tangeants I go off on. I do fear that I'm letting these books think for me the way people let the Bible and religion think for them -- but I can't help it -- I agree with 99.9% of everything in them. They are like telling me the sky is blue. I guess that might be how people feel about the Bible and whatever religion they're in -- so I'm not necessarily criticizing. I don't really know what I'm saying...so I'll stop. = )

Have I mentioned I love my brother Dave? The way I feel about him builds up in me like a wave of pure...perfection. It's the most perfect rainbow, the most perfect dream, the most perfect kiss, the most perfect smile, hug, laugh, song...I will stop (again) because I crossed the cheesiness line about 30 seconds ago.