I must warn you ahead of time that I have not been diagnosed as insane YET, so try not to think I am. Hehe.

Today being the 4-year anniversary of Jeff Buckley's death, I figured I'd attempt a seance to see if I could contact him. I did it last night before I went to bed at about quarter 'til 1.

Before attempting it, I was asking my friend Jeff for advice on how to do this seance. He was telling me to do the whole circle of candles and incense thing. I decided that sounded too much The Craft and too creepy witchcraft pretentious, so I opted to just lie in my bed and meditate on Jeff.

I went into it slightly afraid yet curious. I'd never tried to contact someone before. So I lay on my back just deep breathing at first. My body became relaxed. I kept thinking of him, but my mind would drift to other things. So then I decided to not try to think of him so hard, and I just cleared my mind. Then I felt overcome by this strange build up of feelings in my body. It coarsed over me, leaving me at peace and teary-eyed. I tried to make it last, but it left me, and I felt kind of wired. I sort of felt Jeff, but I wasn't sure. So I opened my eyes with the intent of getting up to put a Jeff song on, thinking it would help my concentration. When I opened my eyes, my ceiling was swirling with black things. I don't know if it was because my eyes were closed so tightly and for so long or what. (You know how your vision gets all goofy when your eyes have been shut a long time?) But it was scary. And I don't think the swirly things were positive...I think they were evil spirits. I wasn't scared of them. I was just thinking, "What the fuck are you doing here? Get the fuck out of my room!" The reason I think they came was because I'd been in a negative, "I hate myself" mood all day. I never realized how badly bad self-image brings negative everything else around you. I'm going to try to think positively from now on.

Anyway, I decided to try again, thinking only positive things and clearing myself of all the negativity. I threw on a live Jeff CD because all the other ones were in my car. So I tried to relax again, but it didn't come as easy. But finally, it was so strange because my body became SO heavy. I could feel where every inch of it was against my sheet. And it was paralyzed...I didn't think I could move it even if I tried. And it would go back and forth from being like that to not feeling like I had a body at all - I was only aware of my head and what I was thinking. I think I finally got in that transendental meditation all the yogis get in! I've tried so many times yet haven't been able to, but I finally did. Yay! Anyway, did I feel Jeff? I'm really not sure. I just felt all this positivity and "Love yourself," and I think it was coming from him. I began drifting to half sleep and getting those weird visions you get when you're half asleep, so I figured my ritual had reached its conclusion. Somehow I snapped my body out of it, though it was kind of rough, and I went to bed.

So, whether I truly had the presence of Jeff Buckley's spirit with me or not, a lot of interesting things happened last night. It was worth the experience.

<~~~