Bad stuff went down in our country yesterday. Surprisingly, I'm not very angry at those who did it. I guess it's because I know our country treats other countries like shit...and that all countries have people who mercilessly kill innocent people without guilt. Hate goes down every single day in other countries, and the U.S. doesn't bat an eye. But God forbid something happen to our precious Americans! I know I'm probably being a bitch and that I wouldn't be saying any of this if someone I know were in the World Trade Center, but I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of people letting things go on that shouldn't be going on. Women in other countries are still forced to have their genitals mutilated. Hundreds of women were sexually abused and raped in broad daylight when a group of men got a little rowdy awhile back...I don't even know if that made the news. We let immigrants in so that we can employ them and pay them way less than minimum wage. Our government did nuclear testing on Bikini Island and RUINED their environment there...they got cancer and strange growths on their bodies and were having children who weren't even children; they were big fatty wads of jelly. So maybe we DESERVED to get attacked. I know I'd be pretty damned mad if I was persecuted day in and day out while the U.S. sat by and watched with all their freedom and let it happen. We act like just because we live in a different country that it's not our concern. But we're all part of PLANET EARTH, aren't we? Don't get me wrong...I'm mad that it happened. I'm upset that a bunch of innocent people who have nothing to do with the workings of our government had to die. And, selfishly, I'm mad that my life has been disrupted because of this. It's just something I wasn't mentally and emotionally ready to deal with...but who was, I guess. There was something I was REALLY mad about, though -- the way they taught their children hate. No matter how much I hated something, I would never impose that on my children. News footage showed little children rejoicing because of what their people did to the U.S. How sad it makes me. What have I learned? Well, I value the people I love more now. And I've decided that I'm going to constantly tell the people I love that I love them...because I could go any day. "Drink a bit of wine. We both might go tomorrow, my love." ~ Jeff Buckley "Eat, dammit, we're going to die!" ~ Liz (What quotes!)

The married man, whose name is Rob, came in to visit me at work two days ago. We actually really got to talk this time. He used to be a bouncer and have neon green hair to his ass...lol. He was so sad because things never seem to go well for him. And, to be honest, things never really do, from what he described. What broke my heart was that he said he never went to college because he didn't think he was smart enough. I don't know him well, so I can't really give an opinion on his intelligence. But I can tell that he's...I don't know how to say it. Well, he FEELS more than the average person. So many people keep their lives so busy with partying and drinking and sex that they don't give themselves time to be sad and to come to terms with their emotions. He's not like that. He's obviously very sad and needy right now. He doesn't even know anyone in the neighborhood except for me and one other guy. I gravitate towards needy people because in my neediness, I try to fill theirs to fill my own. But, well, he is married. I wonder if I'd date him if he wasn't. His life is just a 180 of mine, and I don't know if I could deal with that. I really think I want to be his friend, though. While he was telling me about everything he's gone through, I was just staring at his face. He has these eyelashes that are so long that they curl. He is so attractive. I kept thinking, "How could he like me?" Maybe he sees something in me I don't. He called me twice yesterday, once when I was gone (I saw it on the caller ID...his friend's cell phone number) and once at 11:00 at night, when I was half asleep. I didn't answer it because I wasn't in the mood to talk on the phone. I'm so odd. It's like I want to talk to him, but I don't. It's a weird situation...it's like, I don't want to pursue him romantically, so that part of me says "Don't talk to him." Yet I wouldn't mind being his friend, so that part of me says "Talk to him." Yet I don't know him well enough to know if he'd even be a good friend, and he's also one of those people who is constantly moving away, so I don't know if I should even get involved. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

I've been trying so hard to be vegan. And I do it for like a day or 3/4 of a day, and then I eat cheese...hehe. I'm going to keep trying. I wonder why cheese and dairy products suddenly have been making me sick when they never used to. But I guess sometimes people's allergies just kind of pop up out of nowhere (i.e. Shannon and corn). Anyway, I can't think of anything else to say.

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