Creepiness...

I gave Henry my number a few days ago, as I said I would. I did it casually, saying, "Well, now that school's about to start, I won't be seeing you as much, so you can give me a call sometime." Right away he asked when would be a good time to call. My schedule's different every day, so I told him he'd just have to keep trying if I wasn't home. But he was insistent that he make a time to call. So he said he'd call at 7:30 on Wednesday. I warned him I might not be home if something came up. On Tuesday night there were possible plans that Melanie and I go out to eat, but Wednesday was better for her, so we went out to eat Wednesday night. I got home at 7:31. There was a message on my machine from 7:20, and it was Henry. It cut off half way because our answering machine's broken, but I think he wanted me to call him back. But I didn't really feel like it. So instead I went to the store to get something. He was in there and said, in a shouting but joking way, "I just called you! Where were you?!" I said, "I'm sorry. Melanie and I went out to eat tonight." So we talked a bit more, and I said, "Henry, my schedule's just like that. I never know when I'm going to be home." Now, this isn't all the way true. If he were someone I had romantic interest for, I'd make SURE I was home. But he's not. So I said, "We just can't plan out times for you to call me. Just call me whenever you feel like it, and maybe you'll catch me at home sometime." So that was that. Last night, around 5, I was having dinner, and he called right in the middle of it. I had a feeling the ring was for me, and I shouted to mom, "See who it is first!" (because I monitor my calls that way...I'm so mean!). But she'd already answered it, and it was Henry. I was thinking, "Great, he's going to want to have a three-hour phone conversation, and I'm in the middle of dinner." But we only ended up talking like ten minutes, and he was the one who got off the phone with me. It was a nice conversation. He's a lot easier to talk to on the phone than in person. I'm not sure why. He says a lot of awkward things to me, though. Like he asked me if I'd thought about him today. I really hadn't...I mean, maybe he'd crossed my mind once or twice, but nothing major that I could remember to tell him. So I said, "Well, maybe, I'm not sure. I was just thinking about school all day, but I'm sure you were at the back of my mind." And he said, "Aw, that makes me feel good." And he just says all these things that no one's ever said to me before, like about how he tries to think about me before he goes to bed so that he'll dream about me. I'm very flattered, but I'm not used to having such things said to me! I said to him, "You're the only person who's ever spoken to me this way before. I'm flattered." And I told him I was a bit sick with a cold, and he was suggesting medicine for me. And I was telling him about being scared over my really hard Psych. class, and he said he could help me with it (he doesn't have a high school diploma...). It was actually a really nice conversation. He actually let me talk instead of talking about himself the whole time, which he usually does. The phone conversation ended, and I felt a lot better, realizing that talking on the phone with him wasn't a huge deal afterall. WELL...

Today mom asked me, "Did you call Henry yesterday?" I thought mom was hallucinating again, as she does often in her somewhat old age. I said, "No, he called me. Don't you remember?" She said, "Yeah, but Diane said that he came into the store today and said you called him." I was kind of perplexed, but I assumed that he accidentally said, "Jeannie called me last night" instead of, "I called Jeannie last night." But I called Diane anyway to see exactly what he said. Turns out he gave her a totally garbled version of our phone conversation yesterday! He said that I had called him and that his mother had answered and said, "It's Jeannie." He said that I had called to ask him what kind of cold medicine to use on myself. And he said that I said to him, "No one's ever made me feel the way you do." I'm thinking he was referring to my saying, "No one has ever talked to me this way before." I am really kind of perplexed and pretty angered. He's going around telling everyone exactly what we talked about on the phone. And he's telling everyone I called him. I'm not opposed to calling him. I'm sure I'll call him sometime or another, and I won't be embarrassed if people know that. Many people are embarrassed to talk to him because he's very out-of-the-ordinary, but I'm not because I don't really care what people think. But I'm kind of creeped out that he's lying about our phone conversation...or that he's rearranged things in his head so much that he's forgotten how they really happened. And I don't think it's appropriate that he's telling everyone about our conversation. He's so happy about this that he can't keep it a secret. And I can totally understand that because when I talk to someone I have a crush on, everyone hears about it, too. But it's awkward for me because he's telling my family members about this in our family grocery store where customers who know me come in. I wish he was better about confidentiality. I had also printed him out some of my poetry for his birthday. He said, "I'm going to have to let mom read all those." I said, "I'd prefer you didn't." I don't let my own mom read most of my poetry because I don't think she'd understand them and would probably worry about me because she doesn't understand that if I say "I" or "me" in a poem, it's not always about me. She doesn't get the whole "persona" thing. And a lot of my poetry just isn't elderly-woman friendly. There's a lot of sexual connotation and lots of depressing weird stuff. But, anyway, he insisted that he'd have to let her read them. I said, "Henry, I printed those out for YOU. I don't want anyone else to read them." But he wouldn't get the idea. Sigh.

So when he comes in while I'm working today, I'm just going to say to him, "Why did you tell Di I called you?" I just want to see what he says. I really think that he believes what he wants to believe about things. For instance, almost every time he comes in, he says, "Yeah, I was talking to mom about you, and she said, 'I don't know if that girl likes you as more than a friend. I think she just wants to be friends.' But I explained to her that you're just focusing on school right now and will probably date me after you graduate." I have told him probably a dozen times that I only like him as a friend. But he always pushes that to the back of his mind and forgets it! I don't know what to do. I'm obviously flattered because if I weren't, I'd not write in my journal about it. He makes me happy, he makes me smile, he gives me self-esteem. But I don't want things to get out of hand. So I guess I'll see what he has to say today. Sigh. I wonder if this is the beginning stages of stalker-ism. He drives by my house, tells me he saw my car in the back and that we have a white garage...goodness.

Oh yeah, I finished reading Melissa Etheridge's book last night. I read it in two days! That's such a rare thing for me. I've realized that I am much more into books that are written in first person. This was her autobiography. I even have the book about Jeff Buckley and his dad called Dream Brother that I haven't read all the way through yet. If Jeff himself would have written it, I'd have finished it the same day I got it. But books lack so much passion when they're not written from the person's point of view. I can only get into books that talk about feelings and passion. When you're writing about a person, you can't make assumptions about how the person feels because you're not in the person's head. Anyway, Melissa is SUCH an amazing person. She's so gratuitously honest, and she loves so deeply and is so passionate. The way she loves people reminds me a lot of the way I love people. She gets a lot out of her music, and while I've never felt anything very strongly about her music, love hate or otherwise, I think I'll try to start listening to it, out of respect for her. I also know what's behind almost all her songs now. She would insert her songs lyrics in the book at certain spots, and I really can't say that they're very good lyrics, though. Some of them rhyme in a very nursery-rhyme way. When she's just writing about her life, her writing is so much better. The reason I bought her book was because I'd heard her reading excerpts on Unplugged or something, and I fell in love with the words she was reading. And I really couldn't put the book down. I just love her. I hope I can be as strong as her someday.

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