How ugly is she...?

Emery Christian wrote, very diplomatically, I might add:

She tells herself she looks good, probably because women like to hear that, even if they have to say it themselves, and because she really does look quite good for a woman of 53.

Lawrence incredulously replied:

Come again?

I think you owe an apology to all women of 53. You didn't say she looks 'okay' or 'acceptable' or even 'average', you said she looks 'quite good!'

My dear Emery, you and I define 'quite good' quite differently. Laura Schlessinger looks like the shadow of the soul of an evil stepmother... She's so ugly she breaks tempered glass. She's ugly from the inside - out and she radiates ugly like a barrel stove radiates heat. She looks ugly, she sounds ugly and I'd be willing to bet she smells ugly... like rancid cold cream and Preparation H. She's ugly like varicose veins and liver spots and hard candies that sit uneaten for years on end getting dusty and bitter and brittle. She oozes ugly like those disgusting little rat-dogs with mange and crooked teeth who spray snot from their mashed up noses when they breath...

Oh, don't get me started...

That woman is ugly like Bill Gates is wealthy. Ugly is a small word to contain the total absence of beauty that is contained in the person of Laura Schlessinger. If I had a thermometer that measured ugly, and it went from one to one hundred, I'd stab my own eyes out with that thermometer rather than look at Laura...

Are you getting me, yet?

She's ugly from the top of her huge bouffant hair to the tips of her disgusting little size-four feet. Her face is the best arguement for skin grafts I have ever seen. That woman needs a fat transfusion, maybe they can use some of the excess fat from the Beverly Hills liposuction clinics to put some fu*kin flesh on that woman's fright-mask face. She's evil ugly...

Uglier than pimples... Uglier than roadrash...

Lawrence

well... I think you get the idea