1/14/2001

She's the Psychiatrist Song Writer

She sleeps some at night and she works all day
She writes some posts, she watches her kids, she's funnier than GOSMG She's busier than he is, so her posts are rarer that that big lug's!
 
She's the Psychiatrist's Song Writer and she's OK
She sleeps some at night and she works all day!
The song is Funny, There is no doubt, By not saying so we were remiss! We all should do proper pennance, and send a three pound chocolate kiss!
 
Oh she's the Psychaitrist's Song Writer and She's OKaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! She 's Goddess of ARTD-L and we like it that waay!
 
Neutrodyne

1/13/2001

emf1947@aol.com (EMF1947) posted:
 
>My sources do NOT like Bally's.
>What is the Manhole?
 
Admiral Bruce took me to The Manhole once. It's a bar where
sailors and bikers hang out. It's an old fashioned kind of place where there's no women ruining your fun. Just a bunch of guys
having a drink and holding Spartan-style wrestling matches in
the dark.
 
Those matches were something else. They stuck very closely to
the historical style right down to removing all clothing. I
tried it, but I thought it was a bit too dark. I kept getting
poked with something. I could understand why electric lights
might have ruined the authenticity, but you'd think they could
have used oil torches or something.
 
>And what would leading you on get me?
 
I think you're OK if you don't participate in the wrestling. I
had some kind of sticky goo all over me after I did it.
 
--
General J C Christian
General of the Militias
Persicos odi, puer, apparatus
http://member.newsguy.com/~satire/militia.htm

1/12/2001

Otis wrote:
>  pjkorman@aol.com (Pjkorman) wrote:
> >
> >    As a student of Jungian psychology,
>
> Dang!  Gott dig out the Python CD and listen to the Philospher song
> now...
 
Double-dang!  Carl Jung is not mentioned in the Philosopher song! They did have this thing about someone named Bruce, though.
 
Oh!  Oh!  I know the answer!  Oh!  Oh!  That's the PHILOSOPHERS
song.  We need the PSYCHIATRISTS song.
 
Here, I found it.  Same tune, even:
 
Sigmund Freud was a paranoid
Who repressed each Oktoberfest
Daughter Anna played second banana
And drank from here to Budapest
BF Skinner always drink his dinner,
Adler had many such meals,
And Carl Rogers outdrank those codgers,
Just ask him how he feels
There's nothing Frankl couldn't tank til the room's spinning all around And oh those Perls of wisdom he was picking off the ground...
 
Abraham Maslow never set sights low,
His hierarchy started with whiskey
David Keirsey didn't understand me,
A few boilermakers made him pissy
Joseph Campbell would start to shamble
Til he saw a thousand faces
And Erich Fromm, he did quaff the rum
Down the Hall and other places
And if you're wondering why I haven't mentioned that Carl Jung,
A lovely little drinker with his archetypes of dung!
 
 
 
And if you send me more chocolate I won't write a physiologists song.
 
trdm
Suspects Scott won't understand a quarter of this

 

1/11/2001

Re: OT: Invention/Hype of the Millennium - Any Guesses?

mr_potter@my-deja.com posted:
 
>Hmmm...could it be a DEMONBUSTER!!!????
 
I think they've created a pocket fisherman that can also
julienne fries.
 
Tim
and just look what it does to termites.

1/09/2000

We are pleased to announce the formation of a public school district that
finally has YOUR interests at heart!

THE FLAT EARTH COMMUNITY SCHOOLS will offer parents TOTAL CHOICE in what their
children learn. Parents are invited to tailor the curriculum to fit their
desires for their children. For example, you can opt for classes that teach:

-- George W. Bush won the 2000 Presidential election

-- Bill Clinton never had sexual relations with that woman

-- Man never landed on the Moon; it was all a hoax

-- All forms of worship should be included in public schools

-- The Earth is flat

-- Dr. Laura is funny

-- The Fox Network is fair and balanced

-- The Internet is being used for mind control by the Government

-- Blacks should only get 3/4 of a vote

-- Robots are stealing your luggage

-- People chose their sexual orientation

-- Yanni is a musical genius

-- Paul is dead

-- "The Bad News Bears Go to Japan" is great film making

That's right! Whatever your beliefs, your child school day will be built
around them, regardless of the truth.

Founding faculty will include:

Bill Bonde - logic studies
jock the hammer - vocabulary (toilet training available as an elective)
Gen. JC Christian, General of the Militias - Dean of Discipline
Raymond Karczewski - American Fiction
Dr. Laura - music (vocal pedagogy)
Eminem - gender studies

Enroll today!
Jenn Martin

12/10/2000
>Bob Sims wrote:

>>That is the most foul blasphemy I have read in a long time !
>>
>>AND IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT GOD'S WORD !

>I'm a reverand, a man of God. I think I know more about these
>things than you, a simple layperson.

I'm a Pope and a saint, so I know more than both of you.

>>It is the word of a publicity seeking representative of our
>>sworn enemy.

>Who's your sworn enemy?

Tinky Winky.



Pope St. Dr. Charlie

12/9/2000
Tina wrote:
> >From what I heard, they broke up years ago and are just parts in act.
>
> That should read partners.
>
> Tina

Freudian slip! I call Freudian slip!

Lord dk
Looking at the world through gay coloured eyes.

12/8/2000

Bushman wrote:

Matt wrote:
> >I myself perfer the lock 'em up in solitary confinement for
> > the rest of their life, but that's not possible.
> >Death is the next best thing.
> >
>
> Matt, do you like puppies?

Yes, I do like puppies.

Matt

12/07/2000

>Lord dk wrote:
*snip*
>"Gay eyes". Nice one Tina.

Thanks, that is how I see you gays reading the Bible, through gay colored eyes.

>But then we're all just looking at it through our "gay eyes."
>

I know, I understand this.


Tina
Welcome Christmas!
Fah Who Rahmus
Welcome Christmas
Dah Who Dahmus
Christmas Day will always be, just as long as we have we
Welcome Christmas Bring your Light

12/05/2000

Cyn Derellee wrote:
>>
>> Jenn wrote:
>> *snip*
>> >Bill: >So there is now genetic evidence that you can be homosexual, bi-sexual
>> >>or heterosexual? There are now three possibilities? Geez.
>> >
> >Who said anything about genetics? Yes, it seems pretty clear that there are
> >people who are homosexual, people who are heterosexual, and people who are
> >bisexual. Have you missed this? It's been in all the papers.
> >
>
> Yes, but was it on the BBC?

I didn't see it.

Bill Bonde

11/12/00


ironwolf@dangerousgames.com, Robert McNally wrote:

Wow, I've been lurking in a.r.t.d-l for months and now its _this_ issue
that drives me out of the woodwork! GOSMG, I've respected your positions on
Dr. Laura, but you're off base now.

(GOSMG) wrote:

> This has been funny until now, but it is becoming scary that the Democrats are
> actually making headway with vote recounts, and subsequent manual re-counts to
> determine "voter intent" and they even want a RE-Vote (what is that?!?) until
> their guy wins. The election is OVER, you can't just complain and have it
> changed.

Like the saying goes, "It ain't over 'til it's over." The election process
is not just a bunch of votes being cast-- it also includes a number of
backup mechanisms including recounts, hand counts, legal challenges, and
court intervention-- all of which appear to be functioning smoothly, even
if they take more patience than you can muster. If the Republicans want to
liken the Democrats to whiny children, the same judgement can be passed on
them. As some Republicans have said, "this must be played by the rules." I
find it amusing that they want to ignore most of the rulebook that says
what to do in situations where the election is very close. Not to say the
Democrats wouldn't do the same thing if they were in the Republicans' shoes
right now.

>Regarding the confusing "butterfly" ballots in Florida, I would
> really like a qualified Democrat who actually beleives in re-counting or
> re-voting to answer the following questions about those ballots.

I'm a Libertarian who voted for Gore as the lesser of two evils, but I'll
give them a shot.

> A) How come there was no confusion until after the vote? Why not when they
> were mailed to voters, or published in the newspaper?
>

How come there's no confusion in your mind until you realize your pocket's
been picked? Or until you come home and realize your house has been broken
into?

> B) Why did the problem continue into the thousands, why was it not caught and
> addressed at 8:01 am on election day, with huge signs saying "Do this to vote
> for this guy and do that to vote for that guy?"

Have you seen "the smoking memo?" The election officials tried once they
learned of the confusion, but it was too late.

> C) Why were entire classrooms of 8 year olds able to complete these ballots
> without confusion, yet entire counties of american adults were confused?

It occurs to me to wonder why anyone's handing out Presidential election
ballots to classrooms full of 8 year olds. Nonetheless, if I told an eight
year old: "Here's a puzzle: which hole goes with Gore's name?" I don't
doubt most could figure it out. They would also pay special attention to it
_as_ a puzzle. People don't expect ballots to be confusing-- they expect to
be able to walk into the polls an confidently punch the hole next to their
candidate's name.

Again, if the situation had been reversed, I don't doubt the Democrats
would be screaming that the Republicans who voted for Buchanan when they
meant to vote for Bush and who had later learned that the vote went
narrowly to Gore would be up in arms too. Get off your high horse.

> D) when you look at that ballot on TV in the paper, do you find it at all
> confusing? Do you still have a problem figuring it out after examining it for
> 30 seconds?

I don't, but I'm 35. Many people (Democrats, Republicans, and yes, even
Libertarians) who are older and whose mental faculties are still fine
nonetheless face denial about worsening hearing, eyesight, or other
attributes. (Dr. Laura says she's still a babe, right?) Their pride may
tell them they have no need of help, when in fact they do.

> E) now this one is very important, why is this problem limited to
Democrats? I
> don't hear any Republicans suing, petitioning, marching for re-votes and
> re-counts? Why werent any Republicans confused? Not one that I have
heard of.
> Explain.

Palm Beach is heavily democratic. It makes sense that if someone's going to
make a mistake there, it's probably going to be a Democrat. If there were a
confusing ballot in a Republican stronghold, we could expect that more
Republicans would be confused by it.

Again, what make you think the Republicans won't sue, petition, and march
if they think it could tip the balance in their favor? They've already
filed one suit to stop the hand recount. Keep watching.

>And if you are going to say the ballot was set up to make people
> miss the gore hole, you do realize the ballots was designed and approved by
> Democrats, so why is that? The only thing confusing is how adults could be so
> confused by pushing a punch hole next to an arrow.
>
> OK, now I want to say this as delicately as possible, those ballots aren't
> confusing to a person of basic intelligence. You would need to be severely
> mentally retarded to not be able to figure it out. An absolute idiot.

So much for "as delicately as possible," GOSMG. That's quite inflammatory
rhetoric for someone who claims that Republicans are at the top of the
mental food chain.

> ... more rhetoric snipped

Calm down, GOSMG, and let the process run its course. That's the final word.

Ironwolf

11/10/00

"Rev. Dr. Tim, BsD" wrote:
>
> Eric da Red wrote:
>
> >Clinton may not have had a mandate, but at least he had a
> >plurality.
>
> I think August has had a lot of mandates.


HEY!


August
Just sitting here eating a banana, dammit.

11/4/2000

Pope St. Dr. Charlie wrote:

A Very Important Message from the Pope to all the Faithful Members of
the Holy Church of Tezcatlipoca of the Internet


Brethern and sistern:

This is the time of year in America when other religious leaders tell
their flocks for whom to cast their vote. Tezcatlipocanism, being every
bit as useful a religion as they are, should be no exception, and I, as
your loving Holy Father, would not want you, my children, to be teased
by the children who believe in other silly (and false) religions because
I neglected to give you a voter guide of your own. (Nor would I wish to
suffer other religious leaders laughing at me for being irresponsible
enough to trust you to make your own decision at the polls.) That said,
I wish to announce my endorsement for President of the United States.

At this critical time of unprecedented moral decay in America we need to
elect a Godly leader who reflects our Tezcatlipocan religious values--a
leader who does whatever he feels without thought for the consequences or
concern for the pain it might bring onto others. We need a leader without
morals, a leader without conscience or scruples, a leader who only cares
about himself, a leader who mocks us.

We need the sort of leader who would spong

11/03/2000

<Bright and perky> Kara, welcome to the program!

Kara: Hi Dr. Laura.

MFCC Laura: Hi Kara.

Kara: I guess my question for you is, my father is an alcoholic. He
got a DUI. I'm the CEO of a strip mining company, specializing in
wildlife preserves, and I could sure use a tax break, so I was
thinking of voting for him for president...

MFCC Laura: Are you *out* of your *mind*?

Kara: Well ---

MFCC Laura: You are *out* of your *mind*!!

Kara: He doesn't ---

MFCC Laura: You are OUT of your MIND!!! Is that blunt enough? You
are irresponsible as a voter and out of your mind!

Kara: I know he doesn't drink when he's setting national policy ---

MFCC Laura: <Derisive snort> OK Kara, I hope you're right. If not
you're going to have a ruined country. But I hope you're right!

Kara: Well, he ---

MFCC Laura: I don't even want to hear it. What's your question for
me? Now that you tell me that, I don't even want to hear it.

Kara: Bu ---

MFCC Laura: I'm sorry. I don't want to hear it. So just tell me your
question.

Kara: I need to find out-- <sobs> I know he doesn't drink when he--

MFCC Laura: KARA, DON'T TRY THIS ON ME! THERE'S NOTHING LESS
RESPONSIBLE THAN A VOTER WHO GIVES A COUNTRY OVER TO A DRUNK!

Kara: Wait a minute. I'm very responsible. I vote ---

MFCC Laura: I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU DO. I'M SAYING THAT THERE'S
NOTHING LESS RESPONSIBLE THAN AN ADULT PERSON, A VOTER, WHO GIVES
THEIR COUNTRY OVER TO A DRUNK!

Kara: But I --- he's ---

MFCC Laura: DON'T TELL ME WHAT HE IS. HE'S A DRUNK! HE DRIVES DRUNK!
If I were a judge, I would take your vote away from you!

Kara: <sputtering> You haven't ---

MFCC Laura: I don't want to hear it. Just tell me your question.
(Snidely) If you still want to ask me.

Kara: <Sobbing> Well, I don't know what question I can ask you ---

MFCC Laura: OK, I'm sorry, I hope you will change your attitude about
letting your "he's sober when he sets national policy" father run the
free world. I mean I am CRAZED over that. CRAZED!
<Hits cutoff button.> <Sigh> < Louder sigh.>
Cmon, Cmon, let's hear the faxes about how mean I am. Go for it!
Start writing!

I'm Dr. Laura Schlessinger. <bright and perky> Brenda, welcome to the
program!

11/02/2000

Otis wrote:
>
> Nov 1
>
> STANDARD DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a transcript. This is a brief
> summary of calls which can be used for basing further discussion. To
> hear the show point your browser this waay
> http://www.drlaura.com/listen/ For the ARTD-L FAQ go to
> http://extra.newsguy.com/~satire/faq.html. For the recap FAQ go to
> http://otis11.tripod.com
>
<snip>
>
> 0:19:20 Jenny. Dating BF for 3 years, he is 30 she is 27. Part of the
> relationship has been long distance. Haven't had intercourse but have
> had, "Clinton's version of sex."
<snip>

So, they talk dirty on the phone. But what about when they're
together? They do it in a closet? Or does she get under a desk while
he talks on the phone to a Congressman? How do they arrange that? Our
Congersman is pretty helpful, but even he has limits.

--
TJ
Prolly close, but no cigar.

10/24/00


Pat <syldacatNO@spamyahoo.com> wrote:
> I was listening to Dr. Laura on Friday when she said "The American Library
> Association will tell you that filters are not 100% effective, but these are
> the same people who are passing out condoms to our children in schools, and
> since when have condoms been 100% effective!"
> I was amazed! I didn't know that the American Library Association was giving
> out condoms! Those librarians are really something!

Yes, you can get condoms from librarians, but you have to return them
within two weeks or pay overdue fees.
--
----------> Elisabeth Anne Riba * lis@osmond-riba.org <----------

10/22/00


"Weltanscha" <weltanscha@aol.comaolbites> wrote :
> >Editorial Endorsement:
> >George W. Bush for president

Here's part of the editorial:

As you know Seattle is the capital of grunge rock. We believe George W. Bush
would help us build on this tradition. We were also hoping that he could
help us score some really good coke. Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards was less
helpful in that department than you might imagine.

Since the Mariners lost in the playoffs, were also desperate for interesting
news to fill our pages with. Bush's trade policies would bring the hippies
back down here to do more destruction. Along with helping us score some good
blow, this would make it easier for to find news stories. The King County
Commissioners ain't doing it for us.

Bush also says that thorugh some LSD flashbacks, he's about to reveal the
link between the existence of God, black holes, and .9999999.

We also figure if that an intellectually and grammatically challenged former
party boy can achieve the highest office of the land, maybe we can quit
writing crappy editorials and land lucrative jobs in the PR department at
Microsoft.

For these reasons, the Seattle Times endorses George Bush for president. If
not that, then maybe drug czar. Or maybe lead singer for Nirvana.
>
> Damned liberal media.
>
> - Dr. Tom

Yep, obviously tabloid bullshit, as Jak would say.

Joe Ferracca

10/17/00


"Tony Miller" wrote:
> Baaaaaaaaaaa

What are you trying to insinuate you rotten basatard. Cleetus is
a damned liar. You both can go to hell. I was drunk.

--
General J C Christian

10/16/2000