These are the regulars, the semi-regulars, and the most memorable drifters-- the common inhabitants of our little Hellhole. A sample of the poster's best work, a typical .sig, and/or an image they've chosen to represent themselves can be reached by clicking on their names unless they decided not to send me their favs, in which case, it's just what I decided to put there. If you aren't here, or you don't like the posts you're linked to, email me, and we'll straighten it out.

I'm putting it in alphabetical order, and I'm not sayin' anything mean. Unless it's funny.

A B C D E F G H IJ K L M N O P R S T W X

A

Andres-- An impish Atheist with a quote for every occassion. I love his quotes. He finds the coolest stuff. He found me the Ooompa-Loompa song.

August-- What can I say, he's no Axel Heyst. But *everybody* wants August.

Axel Heyst-- Smart, single and silver-tongued. He's funny as hell, but he's no August.

B

Beck2Smith-- She's been around forever, and she's a wit worth reading. Be sure to catch her when you can, she doesn't post much.

Beldin-- See GISP

Betty Bowers-- Is a better Christian than you.

Bonde, Bill Bonde-- Get a pencil. Stick it into your thigh, hard. Get another one. Jam it in your left eye. Now smash your fingers in a drawer. There, now you know what it feels like when you've successfully avoided yet another endless circular argument with Bill. Just joshin', Bill. No I'm not.

Brien Sullivan-- The Nicest One Here, but you know, that isn't saying much... Deceptively quiet, too. Don't take a drink of anything before you read him, just in case.

Brother Enigma-- A dreamy guy with a thing for Gary Fisher bikes. Terribly fun to flirt with, but he spends an awful lot of time discussing politics and issues and stuff.

Bushman-- A loud-mouthed, cantankerous anti-religionist with a romantic streak a mile wide and oceans deep. Leonard Cohen lyrics on demand. He's got a real thing for Republicans, and he's pretty tireless, so watch your step if you happen to be on the Right.

C

Cathy from Encino-- A longtime lurker and occasional poster, Cathy is definitely *not* Dr Laura. Not. Dr Laura that is. At all. And she's never called a radio talk show pretending to be Dr Laura either. And Dr Laura has never called a radio talk show pretending to be Cath-- uh, nevermind. She's from Encino.

Charles Basner-- Father of brand new baby triplets! I'll always remember his debating skills fondly; he won't be as good when he's lost his mind.

Charles Kinbote-- Defender of the good doctor, whoever that is, and also Laura. He's brilliant. Flat out. Don't question me. Or my motives.

Pope St. Dr. Charlie Sharpe-- The longest sig and the most impressive harem, as well as an amazing memory. It's great fun to watch Dr. Charlie argue, but I wouldn't want to be on the other side of it. He's one Nasty Rotten Bastard. Cute, too.

Lady Claire Martin-- She's tough. A journalist, an author, and a mom, Claire's a busy woman, but she checks in on the re-cap threads regularly.

Lady (Miss) Cleo-- Has read everything, and probably twice. She's classy and smart, with a bit of a twist. She's also heavily involved in the Evil Methodist Conspiracy, so don't tell her too much. Not that you have to, Miss Cleo *knows*.

Cardinal Cyn-- That would be me. I'm fabulous. Let's move on.

Control3-- One of our very few Laura Supporters, and a pretty good one too, she typed grudgingly.

D

db (dingbat)-- New to the froup, db would appear to be a promising Laura Supporter. So far level headed and good humoured, let's hope *he* sticks around...

dr. decaf-- Cool, reasonable and understated, she's the perfect foil for our Georgann, or any number of excitable conservative types.

Derek-- The unfortunate son of Dr Laura Schlessinger posts his sweetly addled missives to artd-l once in a while, much to our enjoyment, and her chagrin. (Yes, I know he's not the real Derek. Play along, dammit)

Lord dk the Courteous-- Head of C.H.A.S., our Crack Homosexual Assault Squad. He's Canadian, which ought to explain the courteous part, and he eats bigots and homophobes for brunch, occasionally in a positively decadant Quiche Lorraine, which ought to explain the rest.

E

Elisabeth Anne Riba-- M.I.A. I think we pissed her off. She was probably too good for the likes of us anyway. UPDATE!! She's back! (YAY!) But she didn't bring Ian. (Awwww.)

Queen Ellen-- Her Majesty Queen Ellen can seperate the wheat from the chaffe (and the Laurettes from the Laura Supporters)with one regal post, but she'll give you plenty more if you ask for it. You have been warned...

Emery Christian-- Emery comes and goes. Not sure what to say about him, because I'm not *entirely* sure he's for real. Georgann has her theories, but I'll just keep them to myself...

Eric da Red-- Read him deadpan, and read him twice to catch the really good bits.

eve-- Lowercase eve doesn't have a lot of time on her hands, but when she posts, it's always worth the wait. Eloquent, interesting and intelligent, eve is our Crow.

F

Fabbabs-- A Laura Sympathizer, and it's a damn shame, I tell ya. She never caves when she knows she's right, and she does her best to keep us honest, if not fair. Fabbabs is a treasure, and I miss her.

Fenris-- Haven't seen much of him as of late, but he's always here when we need him-- namely when our poor little ng is invaded by bigots. Nasty things, and hell to get rid of, we're glad of his support, and that of his cockatiels.

Fred-- Fred, Fred, whereforartthou, Fred? Always objective, and the guy we turn to first with our incessnant clueless questions about Judaism, Fred is currently entertaining other newsgroups, can you imagine??

G

Dr Gary DeWaay-- A fine figure of a man. Keeps himself in shape with a strict diet and exercise regime of Miller Lite and volleyball. Pro-choice advocate from hell, he's a credit to his gender in every waay. *Not* a pig. I don't care what you've heard.

Genital Guy-- Before he settled on the relatively mild mannered "Rosebud Genitals", the Genital Guy brightened our days by changing his moniker daily, but it was always *some* sort of Genitals. He graced us with such prefixes as Sweaty, Unwashed, Microwaved, Shaved and Scented, Red & Green, Martha's, Gelatinous, God's Thunderous Omnipotent, and many, many, many, MANY more.

georgann-- A Belle with a Bible and a gun, and we're not sure which one she loves more. Bright, articulate, funny, and somewhat off the beaten path. About two sandwiches short of a picnic. Okay, she's a loon, but I love 'er. She is the Sandy to my Rizzo.

GISP-- See Beldin

GOSMG (Scott)--I'm still trying to think of something nice. Gimme a minute. Keep yer shirt on... Ok, Scott is the Beavis *and* the Butthead of Artd-l. And he's very... um, honest.

GolightlyGrrl-- One of my favorite lurkers, I always read her when she posts.

GregK-- Grand Inquisitor. Trying your hand at sock-puppetry? Best do it when he's not around. He'll nail ya.

H

Hawkster-- Don't know him all that well, but so far, I'm likin' him. Liken' him a lot, actually. I needed a good recipe for ice cubes.

Dr. Hell Toupee--Mess woth this poster and there will be...well, you know. Yes. this poster has it all, scintillating wit, literary allusions, damned good research into what's going down with Dr.Laura, and the ability to thrash you senseless if you act stupid. Author of the Official Artd-l FAQ, Hell's absence was felt by all, and its a lot warmer around here, now.

I

Ian Crowe-- Is a very very mean guy from Canuckistan who called me an a hole (and "Cyndy" of all things) for being a bad updater. I cannot see through my tears to type another word about him. (sniffle)

J

Jakthehmmer-- Umm... well, he's Jak. He thinks we're all a bunch of 'morons', 'pukes' and, uh, scatalogical things. Dr. Laura's Knight in Shiny Armour. The Lone Ranger of Artd-l. The Lord of the Frogs.

Jamie-- The Young Adult Jackal, Dr. Charlie's #1 Girlfriend. Jamie is politely and intelligently making her points elsewhere at the moment, but she checks in from time to time. I'm going to troll for her with a scathing condemnation of the Beatles soon, just to see if she's out there.

James Zakany-- Artd-l's resident Rocket Scientist, (Yes, he's an actual rocket scientist. Now we need a brain surgeon.) and an ORJ. (There are no Jackyls, no, I'm serious. You believe me don't you?)

Jenn Martin (Jenn Coducts)-- Fairly new to the froup, Jenn has been turning heads and treating us all to her musical talents on the bondephone, the g-board, and the tinola. You haven't lived til you've heard the way she plays them. She's a regular one woman band.

James (insert tagline here...) Gray-- He left us! He left us and made me cry, but now he's back, and littering the ng with his quick wit and charm. If ya can't tell, I like this guy, and not just 'cause he's a MSTie, too.

Jitpring--- Where the hell are you?? We miss you. All of you. Or do you walk among us still... ?

Joe Headcrash-- Joe is sort of a mystery to me. But I think I like him. Click here for something really interesting.

Dr. John -- A mysterious guy from the City of Salt, Dr John's oneliners are not to be missed. And he's not Derek, dammit.

John M. Price, PhD-- Is he a real PhD? Um, yes... Will he stop using his title on this newsgroup unless he is posting in reference to his area of expertise? Um, no... Why not? F**K OFF AND DIE.

K

Kris-- Kris is a kindred spirit of mine (read: non-sportsfan) from waay back, so I can't figure out why it took me so long to get him on this page. A Desert Storm vet and a fantastic Thelaurisizer. (thats making up words, Laura-style)

k, kel, kelly, etc...-- A proud Ex-Laurette, Kel had the unhappy experience of an on-air phone call to Dr Laura, and lived to tell the tale. She's bright, creative and articulate. When she feels like it. Wear your asbestos suit into any debate with her, though, and don't forget your cites, 'cause she's got hers.

Kim Stahler-- Proprieter of the famed Stained Apron, Kim stops in every once in a while with excellent on topic posts. Catch her when you can, and be sure to visit her website.

Krista Jantz-- You can find this lil cutie at alt.christian.teen nowadays, but she pops in with her entourage of adorable sockpuppets on occasion.

L

Dr. Laura Schlessinger, PhD, MFCC (inactive)-- Hey, yeah, no kidding! I know she says she thinks the Net is evil, but she can't help it, either. I'm fairly sure she just hangs out to watch Jak defend her honour. She doesn't seem to like the rest of us much. (Shut up, it is too her)

Lawrence-- Diplomat, Curmudgeon, Rat Bastard, and the Funniest Man Alive IMO. He's always willing to look at the other side of the issue, and I love that. Also, he's Canadian, and I've got a thing for those guys.

LMG-- It's been suggested that LMG is a sockpuppet, whose, we're not sure. Just kiddin', I'm sure she's for real. I'm a big admirer, but the post I had in mind for LMG won't pass Angelfire's TOS. Here's a hint: She had to explain to Ted why no always means no.

M

Maddi Hausmann Sojourner-- The Goddess.

M is for Malapert--She's a Minx, this un is. Absent from Artd-l for quite some time now, she's appreciated for her wit, intelligence, and the sexiest brand of feminism ever.

Martha Hughes-- Artd-l's Former Resident Satanist, and Expert on Death Metal Music. Martha publishes a music zine showcasing the best of the hardcore music underground, Bast.

Mitch-- Guardian of the Underwear Demon, Defender of Amish Gangsters, Mitch is a legal force to be reckoned with. He's always been very nice to me, but he still won't show me his Demon. Just modest, I guess...

mightyjoe-- Mightyjoe's major claim to fame is... unfortunate, because he's actually a very good poster. Sick bastard.

N

Neutrodyne-- Creator of Lew Ain't Got Much To Do Industries, Christian, Conservative, all around swell guy. Neut's comments in the re-cap threads are a must read. Actually, all of them are.

NHeels4Bob-- Anne's been here at least two years, and although she posts infrequently, she usually does so thoughtfully. We won't mention Tina. (Sorry Anne, couldn't resist.)

Norwegian Blue-- The Voice of the Lurkers. He's been here as long as I can remember, and has some very good insights when he posts. I s'pose that comes from doing more reading than posting. I wouldn't know anything about that.

O

Otis-- Our Fearless Re-Capper, Otis is really the heart of Artd-l. The man's dedication is nothing short of heroic, and we'd die without him. DIE. Yes, DIE. Don't ever leave us, Otis.

P

Mr. Potter (Gregory Morrow)-- He's a Killer Queen, dynomite, with a lazer beam, guaranteed to blow your mind. Greg appreciates the finer things in life, fine dining, the opera, classic old movies, lezzie bars, and he knows how to accesorize a flamethrower, too.

Pistol-- A Libertarian type who pops in to wrangle with Georgann and/or Eric on occasion.

Pogo Possum, PhD-- "That's not funny." Pogo has an undeserved rep for being the quintessential humourless feminist around here. Just the fact that she can laugh about it herself proves it a faulty characterization, though. She's a thought provoking poster, but you won't get through one of hers on your lunch hour... (personal note: we're going bonkers in here, we need our psychologist back)

R

Randomity-- A poet, a thinker, a Rabid Leftist Puke with a real thing about Jak, Randomity has been taking the time to explain the obvious since, well, forever.

Raymond Karzewski-- The Zooster. bRay. Cheap Shit. Ray K and his entourage are a fixture here, whether we like it or not, and its Tim's fault. Tim posts from a laptop under Ray K's bed, and occasionally sneaks out while he's sleeping to write "Kick me" on the back of Ray K's tinfoil hat, usually disguised as a woman.

Ruth Gretsinger-- The Good Ruth, Dr. Charlie's Hero, and my OECHP. Ruth has many fine moments to brag about, but these two were great for me. I finally understood why sports fans jump out of their chairs howling "WOOOOO--HOOOO!!!" when somebody scores.

S

Soylent Green-- Soylent Green is people, but he's also artd-l's very own Mole. Soylent Green mused just the other day about how best to milk his fifteen minutes of fame. Well, here ya go!

Stephen Bergson-- Our absent Limerick artist. I think he just got tired of replying to every post with a new limerick. We once took him on in a childish display of dueling limericks, and he kicked all our butts, but it was enjoyable.

T

Ted the Cruel-- A Laurette in Jackal's clothing, Minister of Swamp Coolery, Ted is a pretty good guy, when he isn't just being difficult for no good reason. I'll let you know when that happens.

Tinas49ers-- Fiesty and irrepressible, I bet you can't guess Tina's football team, can you? Tina is our Official "Get a life!" proclaimer, and she can say it all night if she has to. Don't make her! Have a life!

Rev. Dr. Tim Hill, McC, BsD-- The Founding Father of Artd-l, and we owe him big time. If he hadn't taken a break for a while, his sig would be longer than Charlie's. Shut up. He has a long sig because he likes long sigs. It doesn't mean anything.

TJ-- "Isn't irony great?" The Heroic Polish Curmudgeon. The best word to describe TJ is probably 'formidable', but he's a bit more fun than that implies. A proud inhabitant of Pogo Possum's killfile, and a Jackal from waay back.

W

Weltanscha (Dr. Tom)-- Not posting much lately, but a good read when he does, Dr Tom will dance with glee when he sees Priceline go under someday.

wrl-- Still fairly new, but already proving interesting. A welcome addition worth watching.

X

Xiphias Gladius-- Lis' spouse, and also M.I.A.

Xona-- That's Dr. Xona, to you. Not for the weak of heart and/or stomach. Xona's main claim to fame is the Assholes of America Report, but she's got a million of 'em.

Y

Z