for all my times

disclaimer "EVERY TIME" Written by Janet Jackson, James Harris III, Terry Lewis, Rene Elizondo Jr. Nsync is not mine. Don't know 'em either. Don't Think They are gay and this is nothing more than
dedication: To Wendy Gail who said It sounded like a good idea

'How did I get here?' He had asked himself that one million times. 'How did it happen?' He was in love, again. He swore he would never ever fall in love again. Too many times he had gotten hurt. To Many times he was pushed aside like a old book you have read one millions times.

But here he was. Laying next to his lover. It was dark in the room but he could still see his sleeping face. Night after night he had stayed awake just to watch Justin sleep. How his chest would rise and fall with even breaths. His passion swollen lips would be slightly open, almost willing Lance to kiss them. Justin's eyes would flutter ever so slightly as he dreamed. Lance wandered what he was dreaming.

Lance laid his head down on the pillow his lover's head rested on, unconsciously inhaling the sweet smell that Justin seamed to carry with him. He wrapped his arm around Justin's waist, pulling his body tighter to his own. He heard Justin let out a small sigh. Lance couldn't help but notice that that was the same way he sighed when he and Lance had just made love.

Lance had been fighting these emotions that threatened to take over his life for what seamed like, to him, forever. The day Justin told Lance how he felt. "I can't explain it man," Justin had said, "But I like you, more than a brother. And if it is at all possible, I wanna explore these feelings." Lance had never seen Justin act so mature. That's how it all started.

Then two nights ago, as Justin began to fall asleep, he said it. He said "God, Lance, I love you so much." He had said he loved him. Lance had heard those words so many times, and they always turned out to be empty. But hearing Justin say them made him not be able to push the feelings he held for Justin aside any longer. God, he loved him. But why. He knew this was just a one way street. Or was it?

He cold still hear every empty word that was ever said to him. Justin saying them didn't sound any different. But it had felt different. He had always said he had never said that he loved someone without really loving them. And he never will.

Why did he have to do this to himself? It would never Last. Or would it?

Lance couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, this would be the one that would last. The one that would stand the test of time. The one that was real.

Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. What if it was and he didn't take the jump, or maybe it isn't and if he jumps he will just land with a broken heart.

"Lance?"

Lance was jerked out of his thoughts at the sound of his lover's voice. "Yeah, baby?"
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Once. Why?"
"Because I love you, James Lance Bass."

"I love you, too"