for all my times



by candy



disclaimer "EVERY TIME" Written by Janet Jackson, James Harris III, Terry Lewis, Rene Elizondo Jr. Nsync is not mine. Don't know 'em either. Don't Think They are gay and this is nothing more than
dedication: To Wendy Gail who said It sounded like a good idea

--I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me--

'How did I get here?' He had asked himself that one million times. 'How did it happen?' He was in love, again. He swore he would never ever fall in love again. Too many times he had gotten hurt. To Many times he was pushed aside like a old book you have read one millions times.

--I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
Cuz everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last--

But here he was. Laying next to his lover. It was dark in the room but he could still see his sleeping face. Night after night he had stayed awake just to watch Justin sleep. How his chest would rise and fall with even breaths. His passion swollen lips would be slightly open, almost willing Lance to kiss them. Justin's eyes would flutter ever so slightly as he dreamed. Lance wandered what he was dreaming.

--But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime--

Lance laid his head down on the pillow his lover's head rested on, unconsciously inhaling the sweet smell that Justin seamed to carry with him. He wrapped his arm around Justin's waist, pulling his body tighter to his own. He heard Justin let out a small sigh. Lance couldn't help but notice that that was the same way he sighed when he and Lance had just made love.

--One half wants me to go
One half wants me to stay
I just get so all confused--

Lance had been fighting these emotions that threatened to take over his life for what seamed like, to him, forever. The day Justin told Lance how he felt. "I can't explain it man," Justin had said, "But I like you, more than a brother. And if it is at all possible, I wanna explore these feelings." Lance had never seen Justin act so mature. That's how it all started.

--I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
Cuz every time I fall in love
It seems to never last--

Then two nights ago, as Justin began to fall asleep, he said it. He said "God, Lance, I love you so much." He had said he loved him. Lance had heard those words so many times, and they always turned out to be empty. But hearing Justin say them made him not be able to push the feelings he held for Justin aside any longer. God, he loved him. But why. He knew this was just a one way street. Or was it?

--But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime--

He cold still hear every empty word that was ever said to him. Justin saying them didn't sound any different. But it had felt different. He had always said he had never said that he loved someone without really loving them. And he never will.

--I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
Cuz everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last--

Why did he have to do this to himself? It would never Last. Or would it?

--But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime--

Lance couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, this would be the one that would last. The one that would stand the test of time. The one that was real.

--I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
Cuz everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last--

Maybe it was. Maybe it wasn't. What if it was and he didn't take the jump, or maybe it isn't and if he jumps he will just land with a broken heart.

--But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime--

"Lance?"

--It's everytime
It's everytime--

Lance was jerked out of his thoughts at the sound of his lover's voice. "Yeah, baby?"
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

--Cuz. . .
Everytime your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cuz every time I see your face--

"Once. Why?"
"Because I love you, James Lance Bass."

--Could it be that this will be the one that lasts?
The fear does start to erase every time
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts--

"I love you, too"

--For all my times--

the end



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