There are so many times in life where I'd thought I had my life so figured out. Where I was going. What the future was going to hold for me. What I wanted out of life. Then there were times when all that flew out the window.

My life felt so unstable. Life seemed to shatter before my very eyes. It was the worse feeling in the world, and it always happened at the worst times. The same thing invoked it. HE invoked it.

It was the same story. Life would be going my way. Then HE would do something and it fell to pieces. So why was I so surprised when he called me this morning saying he just had to see me, that I dropped everything to do just that? I did it every time. Years ago when we dated I would be notorious for dropping everything just to be with him or to keep him company.

Even after our break-up he'd call to ask a favor and no matter what I had planned it stopped just for HIM. Why would this time be any different? Just because it had been two years since I'd even spoke to him? He had the same effect over me, even now. Now here I was twenty-nine and racing to be with him because HE wanted me too. What was wrong with me? Why did he have this effect over me? Even after all these years.

My mind wandered to visions of years almost forgotten. Times I spent months trying to forget. An eerie feeling crept over me as I quickly realized that I was beginning to feel just like I always did on my way to see him. I felt excited., anxious, nervous and scared all wrapped into one exciting feeling. I felt the smile begin to creep across my face as old times raced through my head.

"Joey, I can't believe we've only known each other for a few months. You are such a great friend," I confided.

"It is pretty amazing. I don't usually click with anyone this fast," he smiled back.

"I don't understand why. You're such a great guy. I mean very charismatic and sweet and of course such a lady's man," I joked.

"Well my job doesn't give me much time to do that, and I"m not as great as that," he replied.

"I find that hard to believed. You're such a doll. Why wouldn't anyone love you," I laughed.

"There are things that aren't all that great. But with you here things could change," he smiled and wrapped an arm around me. He kissed my forehead gently.

"You're such a doll, you know that?" I asked him.

"You know it," he replied.

The scenery breezed passed me as my Four Runner drove down the highway . I sighed at the sight of the clock. I was still a good two hours from my destination. I could still see the look on Heath's face as I gave him the news this morning.

"But sweetheart there's still so much to do before the wedding," Heath scowled.

"I know baby, but I have to do this. I know how you feel about him. How everyone feels, but it's something I must do. I can't explain why, I just do," I explained barely able to look directly into his eyes.

"Just please promise me you're coming back. I couldn't bare to loose you kitten," he said, his voice quivering.

"Of course I am. I love you with all my heart. You have my heart. You must believe me," i said trying to sound confident.

He sighed and turned away from me. My heart ached. He knew me too well. He had never turned away from me before. "You know you can't promise me that. Don't promise me anything you can't keep. Go if you have to, just know I'm the one who loves you and has never left you despite anything that happened. I love you kitten," he choked starring out our bedroom window.

"I don't want to hurt you baby. Please tell me your okay with this. That you trust me," I begged.

"I'm not okay with this. I refuse to lie to you and I do trust you. But I don't trust HIM, You better go," he replied coldly.

"Heath. I love you, please believe me," I stated.

"I watched him stare out the window for a few minutes. He never moved, his only motion was his breathing. I waited for a reply, but nothing. With that, I left to face the one thing we both had dreaded.

The sound of him crying was still with me. I had heard it when I closed the bedroom door. I heard him plead to me, "Don't go kitten, please." But I had. I walked down the stairs and out of the house.

I shook my head trying to get Heath's voice out of my head. To my surprise it wasn't easy. I turned the radio on to try to help.

The music filled the car. It was a song I knew all too well. An older song from a few years back. It was a song HE use to sing to me. One of his songs. HE soon filled my head where Heath had been only moments ago.

"I think I'm in love," I revealed.

"What? With Joey? Terra come on. This is Joey were speaking of," Bianca replied.

I remember looking at my best friend, hurt by her words. "Why is it sohard of a concept?" I had asked.

"Come on Terra. Joey isn't the one girl type of guy. You know that he dates other girls. You should be dating other guys and not falling for him," she explained.

"I know that he had seen one girl but he's not seeing anyone right now. That means something right? Is it such a hard concept that he actually likes me?" I asked almost in tears.

"Of course not honey. You're a great person. But this is Joey we're talking about. He's a skirt chaser and he's the first to admit that. He's told you he didn't want anything serious, even before you dated he told you that," she said comfortingly.

She moved to sit next to me her arm on my shoulder.

"But that was four months ago. Things could change. People change. I know he cares for me," I argued.

"Yes he does, but I just want you to know that four months isn't a long time, and he still drools over women even when you're with him. I know you hate that," she rebutted.

"I know but that's Joe. He doesn't act on it," I replied.

"Yet! Just don't get your hopes up. You're my best friend and I don't care if he's one of my boyfriends best friends, I will kick his ass if he hurts you," she stated.

"Thanks, but I do love him," I revealed again.   "I know and you deserve to be loved bye the best. I'm just not so sure if it is Joe," she replied softly.

The song ended as quickly as it had started. There were so many signs that things weren't perfect, I was just to blinded by love to see it. It was the only explanation I would let myself believe for all these years. It was so obvious now, but still hard to believe. Things weren't all that bad though. There was some happiness.

"Terra, come here quick!" Joey yelled to me.

"What?" I asked rushing into his bedroom.   He was standing there in the middle of his bedroom with a huge smile.

"What?" I giggled.

"Nothing, just missed you," he replied walking over and kissing me.

"You're silly," I laughed.

"I know. I'm the man," he joked.

"So what are you doing?" I asked interlocking my fingers with his.

"Nothing, hanging out with you," he smiled.

"I thought you had practice. I'm suppose to go shopping with Bianca," I replied giggling as he placed kisses on my neck.

"So. You can go shopping with Bianca anytime. You see her everyday. Spend tonight with me," he said softly.

"But Joe," I tried to disagree.

"You don't have to, I just wanted to spend sometime with you, that's all," he said pulling away from me.

"Ok, I'll reschedule with B. Just for you," I smiled.

"Good. Wanna take in a movie?" he asked.

"Sure, what do you wanna watch?" I asked.

"How about Eyes Wide Shut? Nicole Kidman's a hottie and I heard there's some great sex scenes," he said with a sheepish grin.

"Ok," I replied.

My thoughts were interrupted by my cell phone. My heart leapt into my throat as I desperately searched my purse for it. When I found it I turned it on not even doubting who it was.

"Heath?" I asked.

"No Terra, it's me," his voice replied. I felt tingles in my toes by the mere sound of it.

"Hey Joe. What's up?:" I asked nervously.<>"Just making sure you're on your way," he replied.

"Yes, I left about twenty minutes ago. I'll be there in a little less than two hours if I don't hit traffic," I answered.

"Try to hurry. It's important," he stated.

"I don't understand the urgency. You Ok?" I asked.

"Yes I'll explain everything when you get here. Hurry, K?" he answered.

"I'll try," I replied.

"Good see you soon babe," he said and with that he was gone.  

Even after I had hung up with him, his voice rang through my heard. I still couldn't believe how he affected me. It had been well over a year and half since I met Heath. He was the breath of fresh air I had needed. HE and I had been long broken up. It had been six months since I even heard from HIM. Still I found myself thinking of HIM day in and out. All the guys I dated after HIM I had rambled on about HIM or even compared them to HIM. However with Heath it had all been different.

Heath seemed to have brought out the best in me. Even before we dated seriously, my life began to make sense, and the night he told me he loved me was the best night of my life.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," Heath replied in his thick Australian accent.

"Why are you staring at me then. Watch the movie you 'tard," I joked throwing popcorn at him.

"I can't," he simply replied.

"You're so nutty. All night you've been weird. Ok, I'll ask. Why can't you stop starring at me?" I asked cuddled up to my pillow.

"It's just you look so heavenly tonight. I'm afraid if I look way God might realize I stole one of his angels," he said in the most sincere voice he had ever used.

I felt my face blush. I was speechless. I knew I wanted to tell him he was crazy but I couldn't. Instead I turned various shades of red. I could hear him laugh softly then turn a pale shade of pink.

"What?" I questioned.

"I can't believe I just said that. You must think I'm the biggest dork ever," he stated still he never took his eyes off me.

"No. It's sweet," I replied.

"It's just, at that single moment. Just then I realized I love you. I couldn't believe I actually felt that moment," he said softly almost in a whisper.

I looked into his eyes and I felt it too. I felt the exact moment and I knew. "I love you," I said trying to choke back the tears of emotions.

I felt his warm hand caress my face. With that we consummated our love with the most loving and passionate of all kisses. To this day I can feel it deep inside. The security, love and loyalty we felt that day.

I felt the tears well up once again at the thought. I knew I love Heath with all my heart. Even more that that day we revealed it to each other. So why was I leaving Heath a week before our wedding to see HIM? I cursed myself softly under my breath. Was I doing the right thing? Will things change because of HIM? Will Heath understand why I have to see HIM? Well I forgive myself?