HE had been the center of my universe for so long. It was true that even when I knew it was over I didn't want to let go. I had some school girls hopes that he would change. That one day he would wake up and realize he loved me. Even with all he hints he threw at me. I never really caught on.
"Joey, hey long time no see," I said as I had passed him in the hall.
"Oh hey Terra," he stopped momentarily looking nervously behind him.
"How have you been?" I asked glad to see him.
"Ok. You know. This and that. Work mostly. What are you doing here?" he questioned looking again behind him.
"Visiting Bianca and JC and the rest of my friends," I smiled.
"Cool, maybe see you around," he replied fidgeting.
"Yeah I'd like that," I agreed.
A door opened and a woman wearing only a towel stepped from the hotel room behind him.
"Joey, you' weren't leaving without saying goodbye were you?" she asked in some kind of half assed sexy voice.
"Of course not. See you later. Bye," he said to the girl, "Bye Terra." Then he was gone.
I stood there half in shock of what had happened.
"God, don't you just hate it when the celebrities fuck you and leave you. Oh well, at least I got some of Mr. Fatone. Now onto Mr. Timberlake," she said to me.
"I guess," was all I could manage to say.
"Well I guess someone of your situation wouldn't really know what it's like to fuck a star. I guess it's not your fault. He's not into simple girls, you know?" she informed me.
"Really?" I asked insulted.
"Yeah he told me last night," she smiled leaning against the doorway.
"Was that before or after he fucked you from behind?" I asked snidely.
"Befo.. Hey how'd you know?" the blonde asked.
"It's his favorite position. Should know, he did it to me for six months. But someone in your situation wouldn't really know what it's like to fuck a star for six months, it's not your fault. You're just a slut," I said harshly, then left the blonde in shock.
My mind was racing so fast I had barely noticed I was doing well over twenty miles over the speed limit. I let my food ease off the gas slowing to just barely over the limit. HE was still getting to me. I let out another sigh. HE always managed to confuse me. Hot one minute, cold the next two. It was his way of life. I watched him do it in everything he did. The only thing I ever saw him truly love was his singing, and even that ended for him, and it had crushed him.
"Terra, I need you," Joey said over the phone, his voice quivering.
"Joe, what's the matter?" I asked concerned.
"It's the boys. The band. We're braking up," he replied sobbing.
"Why? What happened?" I questioned.
"JC said it's not about the music anymore. That we've all grown apart. He wants to produce. What am I going to do?" he cried.
"Joey, sweetheart. It'll be ok. You can continue singing. You have a great voice. I know you can do it," I said trying to comfort him.
"Terra, I really need you right now. Please come here?" he asked in barely a voice at all.
"Joe, I can't I'm in New York and I have classes all week," I explained my heart yearning for him.
"Please," he cried harder.
"Ok. I'll take the next flight," I caved.
"Thanks," he replied.
When I had arrived to his house he was a mess. The house looked like he hadn't seen the outside world for months. He sat on his couch half dressed.
"Joey, you need to get up and do something," I said tugging on his arm.
"I can't. It's not worth it," he replied staring only at the television.
"Come on. We'll clean up the house. Clean you up and do something really fun.," I smiled still trying to pull him off the couch.
"Will you help?" he asked.
"Of course," I promised.
Help I did. I cleaned up the house and made sure everything was in order. I had even done the laundry and went grocery shopping. Upon my return from the supermarket he was no where in sight. I had called him but no reply. I walked to the kitchen quietly thinking him taking a nap. As I put the orange juice into the fridge I saw the note.
Terra,
Went to a club with Chrissy. Thanks for everything. Don't wait up. Maybe see you tomorrow.
Joey
It was the moment I knew there was nothing left for me with HIM. I left the groceries on the counter and left the house. I left his life.
Ran began to fall from the dark sky unto the car and highway. Traffic was light, and I was thankful for that. I just prayed the dark thunderheads would blow by before they exploded. I had always hated driving in the rain. At least it wasn't' heavy and thundering. I had always hated that, even as a child.
"Terra. It's just thunder and lighting. Not like it's going to kill you," Joey laughed as he saw me hiding my head under my pillow.
"I don't care. I hate it. It scares the shit out of me," I replied almost in tears.
"Come on babe. You're joking," he continued to laugh.
"No! I"m dead serious. I hate it ok," I snapped.
"Oh please. It's miles away. You'll be fine," he commented.
"Just leave me alone," I sobbed as another bought of thunder shook the room.
"Baby," he replied trying to take my pillow from me. I held onto it for dear life.
"Baby look. You have me. Nothings going to hurt you, I promise," he smiled.
"It scares me," I sniffed.
"I know. We'll just have to keep your mind off of it," he said getting up from the bed.
"How?" I asked as I peaked from my pillow.
"Well first we put on some loud music," he said turning on he stereo.
I pulled the pillow from my face," That's a little better."
"We're not done yet. Then..," he trailed off taking his shirt off. He crawled onto the bed and on top of me.
"Now Mr. Fatone. What are you doing?" I asked innocently.
"I, am distracting you," he grinned kissing me. And so he had, all night. Even well after the storm had passed.
I began to concentrate harder on the road. The rain was coming down at a constant pace although not too hard. I feel a sigh of relief as it began to let up lightly. I let my mind wander again, if only for a brief moment.
Everyone had told me that Joey wasn't right for me. They said he treated me badly but they never saw how he treated me when we were alone. He was like a totally different person. He opened up to me and cared for me.
"So how is it that no one's managed to keep a hold of you?" I asked curled up in his arms.
"How do you mean?" he questioned playing with my hair.
"You're a great guy. I know you've had bad girlfriends but we aren't all like that," I explained.
"There are things about me that aren't that good. I don't even like to share. Things even you don't know," he replied.
"But I'd like to," I had told him.
"There are just some things, bad things that I don't want to reveal. Maybe never reveal to anyone again. They seem to scare people off," he continued to explain.
"But I want to know you. Everything about you. If anything because I'm your friend," I told him.
"Maybe one day. But I think they'd even scare you off if I showed my true self," he explained.
I remember wonder if what he was talking about didn't show itself later. Joey and I were dating for almost six months and no other persons outside of each other. Although Joey made it perfectly clear we weren't serious. What ever the hell that really meant. We had seen each other exclusively for that time, but were not "serious." Guess he had to keep his options open.
"Joey. JC. Wait for us," Bianca shouted at the two men way in front ofher.
"They are men, so naturally idiots," I replied hoping they'd hear me.
The two men slowed enough to stay in front of us, but far enough not to seem to be with us.
"Come on girls, we'll miss our flight," JC teased as he looked over at us.
"We're coming, but I hardly think we'll miss our flight. We have well over an hour sweetie," Bianca cooed back.
"They're men. They always think their late for something," I joked.
"Not true," JC pouted.
"Hey JC," Joey said pushing on JC's arm, "Check out those chicks."
"Hey man, that's not cool," JC said seriously.
"What?" Joey asked innocently.
The hurt on my face must have been apparent to JC. "Not now man," JC warned softly.
"What? Tell me you wouldn't want to ride them girls all night. Make them squeal with delight," Joey laughed mimicking some crude gesture in the air.
"Man, my girl's here. I don't want to ride no one but her," he scowled..
"No offense B, but come on these girls are hot!" Joey exclaimed.
"You're a jerk Joey!" Bianca said grabbing my arm, "Let's go Terra. The testosterone is drowning me."
"What?" Joey asked as JC walked after us.
I turned to see Joey there alone, but it only lasted a few minutes. I turned away as he started for the girls he so desperately drooled over.
I felt a tear roll down my cheek as the memory of that day sank in. It was almost like I was reliving that painful moment.
I felt my body jerk in surprise as my cell phone rang again. I recovered and let out a sigh realizing the interruption of my thoughts. I picked the phone up not looking at the call ID again.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hey kitten," Heath's voice replied.
"Hey darling," I said feeling a smile grow across my face.
"How are you? he asked.
"I'm ok and you?" I questioned back.
"I'm alright. I just wanted to make sure you are ok. I got this weird feeling and had to make sure everything was fine," he replied.
"Yes, I'm ok. I'll be there in less than an hour. Then I"ll be home before you know it" I smiled.
Heath knew me all too well. It was nice, but had it's down sides too. I couldn't never really lie to him. "It's too late," he said in a serious voice.
"What is?" I asked feeling my heart sink at the tone he used.
"I miss you already. I wish you were here. It's raining horribly here. Drive carefully and don't rush," he instructed.
"That's funny, the suns trying to come out here. I'll be careful though babe. Don't worry," I replied.
"Just make it back safely. I love you kitten," he said softly.
"I love you too. I'll call you soon," I replied.
I heard the other end click and I knew he was gone. I wished he would have come racing after me or made me stay on the phone the entire way. HE kept creeping into my head and it was beginning to annoy me.
Luckily it seemed if only momentarily, that I pushed the thoughts of HIM aside. Heath's gorgeous smiled filled my head in HIS place.
"Well, well, well, how's my gorgeous ray of sunshine this morning?" Heath asked.
I opened my eyes to see him leaning in our bedroom doorway already dressed.
"What time is it?" I questioned.
"It's 10:30 kitten. I let you sleep in, but it's time to rise and shine," he smiled.
"I feel horrible," I replied closing my eyes. My head ached as bad as the rest of my body.
"Kitten, what's wrong?" he asked sitting next to me.
"I hurt. I think I"m coming down with something," I replied opening my eyes to see his concerned face.
He place one of his large hands on my cheek then to my forehead.
"Oh, kitten you're burning up," he said his face in deep concern.
"I'm sorry," I replied.
"Sorry? Sorry for what?" he asked.
"Because we were suppose to go jet skiing today. You've been looking forward to it all through winter. Now it's summer and I'm sick," I said as I began to get upset.
"Shhh... Don't worry kitten. The summer is going to be here a while. I'll live. I'm going to take such good care of you," he smiled.
"No... You go. I don't want you to miss it because of me," I replied.
"There's no way I"m going anywhere with you like this. Besides all I'll do is miss you all day and they'll make me come home because I pissed them off," he tried to joke.
"I'm sorry," I replied.
"I won't hear anymore of this. I'm gonna make you breakfast and we'll spend the day in bed together," he stated.