I drifted in the sea of black for an endless time. There was no hurt there, no fear, just an overwhelming sense of warmth and security. Every once in a while I asked myself if it was time to go back, to see what was happening in the real world, and time and time again I decided that the answer was no. I could not bear to open my eyes and find myself in that white room with nothing to look forward to but a life of torture without reason. So, I stayed where I was and when I did float too close to the surface of the black I would push myself back down.
Until the time I heard the voice.
This voice was completely different from Mr. Voice. This one sounded kind where Mr. Voice sounded callous; soft where Mr. Voice was hard. This voice called me by my name, a name I hadn't heard in such a long time. I wondered if this voice thought I was a human being. Wasn't I nothing? Hadn't that lesson been drilled into my head? But the more I heard the name the better it sounded. At one time I had been JC, dammit! Could I be him again?
I started to allow myself to drift up so that I could hear the voice better. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't a trick, something to lure me out of my safe haven just so Mr. Voice could continue to break me down. This new voice always sounded patient and kind, no matter how often I listened to it. I decided that I would rise out the blackness and see who the voice belonged to. If I did not like what I saw; if, heaven forbid, I was still trapped in that hell, then I would simply fall back down into the depths.
I concentrated on the voice as I began my ascent. It was saying, "Come back JC. It's safe now. It's safe to come back. Just open your eyes."
I was almost there. I could feel my body now, something I hadn't done in a long time. I could feel someone holding my hand and squeezing it gently. Could the voice belong to the same person that was holding my hand? I heard the voice again, so much clearer this time. It was still urging me to come back. I wanted so badly to see who this was but I was beginning to feel afraid again. I didn't want to hurt anymore...what if this road let to that? I drifted along the threshold of the blackness and reality for a while as I tried to gather what little courage I had left. Suddenly I heard the voice again.
"I know you're in there JC. Come on back for me. All you have to do is open your eyes," it said in a sing-song litany.
With a last look at the dark I threw myself completely into my body. I lay there for a second as I tried to adjust to the unfamiliar sensations assaulting my senses. Was that a bed under me? It wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world, but I was pretty sure that it was a bed. My heart leaped for joy in my chest. A bed! That means that maybe I wasn't in the white room after all. I again felt the warmth of another person's hand in mine. It was squeezing me so gently . I squeezed back.
All of a sudden the voice went from calm and reassuring to excited. I heard a small laugh come from it as it said, "I knew you were in there! Come on, all you have to do now is open your eyes. Let me see those baby blues, JC. Please JC, open your eyes. You're safe, you can open your eyes. Please."
As the voice continued to urge me on, I focused on the one word that meant the most to me. Safe. The voice promised I would be safe. I was going to trust it...I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.