I slept badly. I woke up often, not really sure of where I was, my heart racing each and every time, my body slick with the sweat of fear. When I slept, the dreams came. Not dreams really, more like horrid dreamscapes full of shadowy figures with dark intentions. Either way, awake or asleep, I was caught in a web of anxiety that I couldn't fight my way free from.

I drifted in and out of this parody of sleep for awhile, hours maybe. When I finally woke up for good, I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. I didn't really feel any more refreshed than when I had gone to sleep and I was very uncomfortable. My body felt sore and weak, worse than when I had first come back to myself and I acutely felt the discomfort of the tubes that were inside various parts of my body. I had barely even noticed them when Lauren was talking to me, but now that I was alone and had no distractions, their presence was making itself known with a vengeance.

As I lay awake and waited for what would come next, I noticed someone coming into my room. I guessed she was my other nurse by her uniform. She came towards me and smiled.

"Well, good morning? Did you sleep well?" she asked as she came up to my bedside.

"I slept ok," I replied in my raspy voice, feeling the lie slide easily through my lips and instantly feeling guilty about it.

'Why did I just lie to her?' I asked myself. 'Because you don't trust her, at least not yet,' I quickly answered.

"Good," she said cheerfully. "I'm your day nurse, Beth. I'm going to take some readings and run you through some exercises, but first I need to know if we're going to have a repeat of yesterday's incident." She looked at me as she placed a hand on her hip.

I realized that she was talking about the way I had freaked out with Dr. Sandoval and I felt my face grow hot with shame.

"I won't do that again, I promise," I mumbled as I tried to avoid her eyes. She must think I'm a lunatic.

She nodded and smiled, then gently took hold of my wrist to take my pulse. "I have to tell you, Dr. Sandoval was not pleased about getting hit in the face," she said as she then bent down to check the bag that my catheter was attached to.

I cringed inwardly. Up until now, I hadn't realized that I had actually hurt anybody. "I hit the doctor?" I asked meekly.

Beth straightened up and said, "Yes, I'm afraid you did. The doctor wanted to put you in soft restraints after that, but Lauren wouldn't hear of it. She really put her foot down. I just hope she knows what she's doing."

Restraints? I would have been tied down? I began to breathe a little heavier at just the thought of being helpless again. The nurse looked at me and froze. She must have noticed my horrified expression because her tone softened when she said, "The restraints would have been for your protection as well as ours. You could have really hurt yourself."

'Yeah right,' I thought sarcastically. 'You guys wanted to tie me down like an animal so I wouldn't damage you or your precious equipment.' But Lauren hadn't allowed that to happen. How had she known that I wouldn't have been able to handle it?

"Where is Lauren?" I asked as I realized that I missed her calming presence.

"I'm sure she'll be here after I notify her that you're awake," she answered. "Now for your exercises."

"What exercises? I can barely move," I questioned.

"Well, every day for seven months now I've been coming in here and moving your arms and legs for you so your muscles don't atrophy. And now that you're awake we're going keep going, see if we can't get some strength back into you."

"Oh," was all I could think of to say. "What about these tubes? When do they come out? This one in my nose is really uncomfortable, not to mention the other one...down...there..." I said as I trailed off in embarressment.

She smiled as she grabbed my arm and began to move it back and forth. "The catheter should come out within a couple days. The one in your nose is an NG tube, a nasogastric tube. It sends nourishment down into your stomach. It's what's been keeping you alive for these past seven months, because you haven't been able to eat. That should come out by today."

I let my mind ponder what she had just told me as she continued to manuever my limbs as if I were a puppet. I had truly been a vegetable! For seven months I hadn't been able to eat by myself, I couldn't move, I hadn't even been able to go to the bathroom by myself. A small wave of sadness rolled over me at these thoughts and I forced myself to concentrate on what Nurse Beth was doing to me.

After we were done, she helped me drink some water from the cup by the bed. With her help, I was actually able to hold it in my shaking hands as I sipped from the straw. After that she left with a smile and a promise to see me later. As I lay back on the bed in complete exhaustion, I also savored my little victory from today. I had held the cup! Yes, my hands were shaking so hard that the water spilled out over the edge and yes the nurse was largely responsible for it being able to even get to my lips; but I had held the cup! I allowed a small smile to flit across my face at the thought.

"Good morning JC," said Lauren as she walked into the room and took a seat next to my bed. "How do feel this morning?"

"Mentally, I'm not sure yet. Physically, crappy," I answered in full truth mode. "I didn't sleep well and that nurse just made me feel like I ran a marathon."

Lauren laughed as she asked, "You don't like Nurse Beth?"

"I guess I just don't know her..." I paused and looked at Lauren as I whispered, "Were they really going to put me in restraints?"

"Did Beth tell you that?" she asked.

I nodded in silence.

"I'm going to have to have a talk with her," she said as she turned her head towards the door in a slight flash of anger. She turned back towards me and put her hand on top of mine. "That's nothing for you to worry about. I've already talked to Dr. Sandoval and we both decided that it would be a bad idea, so don't waste any energy thinking about it. Besides, I have some good news for you. There are four members of a well-known boy band out there that really want to see you. If you feel up to it of course," she said as she flashed her usual smile, the flash of anger gone.

Four? How could there be four?

"I know it's soon, but when I called your parents to tell them that you were awake and lucid, they were so happy that they called your friends, who in turn rushed right over. They've been waiting all night to see you."

I looked at her in stunned silence. I could not believe the words I was hearing. I yanked my hand away from Lauren's and did my best to crawl away from her. "How dare you say that!" I yelled at her.

She looked at me in confusion and asked, "JC what is it?"

"You bitch, you bitch!" I continued to yell as I brought my hands up to my hair and began to pull at it. "Why would you do that to me Lauren? Why would you say that?"

Lauren tried to grab my hands, but I kept them out of her reach. "JC, please tell me what I did. What's the matter?" she asked, her face a mask of concern.

"My parents are dead Lauren!" I screamed at her with all the power I had in my voice. Even to my own ears the anguish in that sentence sounded unbearable. "My parents are dead! My whole family...! They're dead!"

"JC, no they're not. Your family is alive. They're fine."

"I saw the pictures, they showed me the pictures! All the blood, their faces... Oh God, their faces!" I yelled as I broke down into fresh sobs. They wracked my body as I cried for my family all over again and I brought my arms around my body in a helpless gesture of protection.

After a moment I became aware of other arms encircling my trembling body. I opened my eyes and saw that Lauren had climbed onto the bed with me and was now holding me securely and rocking me back and forth as if I were a mere child in her arms. I tried to pull away, but all my energy was spent and all I could do was sag against her. She was whispering to me in that magical tone of hers.

"It's ok, its alright now. Shhhh..." she repeated over and over. She pulled away from me slightly and lifted my face up to hers. I could barely see her through the blur of tears.

"JC, you can trust me. You know you can. I would never lie to you. I would never hurt you. Trust me JC. Please."

How I wanted to trust that voice. So badly. But I knew what I saw, didn't I? I nodded slowly as I held her gaze. Even as I knew my family was dead, I nodded. I was too tired to fight anymore anyway. I felt like a limp rag doll as she lowered back into a reclining position on the bed and gently covered me with the sheets. She waited until my tears and trembling had subsided enough so that I could listen before she continued.

"I don't know what you were shown in that place, but your family is alive JC. Your mom, your dad, Heather and Tyler, are all fine."

"Then why aren't they here?" I practically spat the question at her.

"Oh JC," she said as she sighed and shook her head. "When they brought you here, your family was here every single day. They took turns sitting with you and they never left your side. Never. Two months ago they finally went back to Maryland, not because they wanted to, but because they had to. They had jobs that they had to go back to. Believe me when I tell you it tore them up to have to go back. But they fly down every single weekend, without fail. They love you so much JC."

Her words rang true and I wanted so desperately to believe. "They're really alive?" I dared to ask as I began to let hope enter my heart.

"Yes, they are alive and well," she answered emphatically.

"What about the pictures I saw?" I asked as doubt tried to creep back into my mind.

She shook her head, "I don't know, but pictures can be faked JC."

"My family's alive," I said as I smiled. I was starting to believe that they really were.

Lauren smiled as she took my hand and nodded. She then turned serious as she said, "I almost forgot your friends were out there. It might not be a good idea to see them now. I think I'll tell them they'll have to wait."

My friends! I had completely forgotten that they were waiting to see me. "No Lauren. I need to see them. Please? I can handle it, I swear."

She eyed me as if contemplating this, but I could tell she was going to say yes. She smiled wryly as she said, "Only because you're my favorite patient JC."

I smiled back at her. "Thank you Lauren."

"I'll go get them now," she said as she stood up.

"Lauren? Did you say there were four of them?"

"Yes, why?" she asked as she stopped.

"Is one of them named Justin?" My heart began to jump in my chest in anticipation of her answer. Could Justin be alive too?

"Yes, JC," she answered.

Yes! I sighed in relief as I let go of the breath I hadn't even been aware that I had been holding. I felt fresh tears well up in my eyes but these were tears of joy. Justin was alive! I hadn't killed him! He was alive!

"Why do you ask, JC? What's the matter?" Lauren asked me.

I looked at her and wiped the tears away. "They told me he was dead too. That they had murdered him."

She looked down at the floor and muttered, "Damn those bastards." After a moment she lifted her head and looked up me. "Are you ready for this?"

I was more than ready. I nodded eagerly.

"I'll be back in a minute," she said as she left.

I looked up at the ceiling and tried to calm my pounding heart. I had never felt so excited, yet so nervous at the same time. I had thought of my best friends often when I was in that hellhole. Our friendship was so powerful that thoughts of them had comforted me when I was in pain or in despair. At times, after especially bad beatings, I would curl up in my corner and softly sing our songs, imagining that the other guys were singing with me. Even though they physically hadn't been there they had still given me strength when I needed them. And now, after almost a year, I was about to see them again.

I heard footsteps and I brought my eyes to the doorway. My heart practically jumped through my chest at the sight. Walking into the room was Lauren and next to her was Justin. A perfectly whole and healthy Justin. I looked into his face and saw that he was crying. They both stepped up to the bed and then Lauren stepped away, leaving Justin standing at my side. All the things I wanted to say to this man, my best friend, flew out the window as I stared at him. I finally opened my mouth and was able to whisper, "Curly?"

Justin's face crumpled as he practically jumped on the bed and grabbed me and held me. "JC, oh God JC," was all he could manage to say before the tears overtook him and robbed him of the power of speech. I was faring no better. I couldn't say anything at all. I brought up my arms to hold him back, insanely feeling him, making sure that he was real. That he was alright. We sat there for awhile, him crying and me crying, and for the first time since I had woken up in that cell so many months ago, I felt like I could begin to heal.