All I could do was look at him. His eyes are so much like that of a puppy's. You can look into them and see his soul. I wander if he knows I can see into his soul.
"Talk." Its the only word I could think of. I just want him to tell me. I just wanna know if they are true. I know they are. I heard him tell JC about them. I just want them to be real to me.
"Nothing." NOTHING??? That's all he can say? I heard him tell JC that he loved me. I just want him to say it.
"Say it."
"No."
"Chris. Just say it." I love you. Are those that hard for him to say? I just want him to say the words. Say them, Chris, damn it say them!
"I can't."
"Why?" I see him flinch at the sound of my voice. He thinks I'm mad. I am. I just want him to tell me how he feels. When he tells me than I can hold him in my arms. I can listen to his breath as he sleeps in them. That's all I want.
"You'll hate me."
"Christopher. I know now and I don't hate you." Hate him? How the hell could I *HATE* *HIM* God, I love him with my heart and soul. I cried for hours from pure joy when I heard what he told Joey.
"Than why do you want me to say it." This is ridiculous. Just say it Chris. Why can't you tell him how me feel. Please. Just say them.
I can see it in his eyes. He wants to tell me. His eyes are like windows to his soul. Please tell me. Tell me so I can tell you. "I want to hear the words come from your voice."
"I hate life." How could he hate life? We have everything. We have people worshipping the ground we walk on. You could get anything, anyone you wanted. Including me.
I know you took physiology. I know what you are doing, Chris.
"Life is just a phase your going through, you'll get over it. Now, don't change the subject. Say it."
I look at his face. I can't remember when I started. One day, I just started to look at him with love in my heart. I wander what is going through his mind? Damn it, Chris say it!!!!!!!!
He doesn't know how I found out. He most likely thinks one of the guys told me. But I heard him tell Joey.
Joey had tried to get Chris to tell me. He knew. He knew how I felt for Chris. I didn't know he knew until one day he said "This is an opportunity." Even though, to me, it doesn't look like one. But you know, opportunity alway looks bigger going than coming.
"Why can't you say it?" What???? I can say it. I can admit it. I will, but please, please, just say it!!
I swore to myself, years ago, that I would NOT fall in love with anyone, or, I would not tell my feeling be shown, until I knew he loved me back. Sometimes I hate loving people, liking or even caring for people. It gives me a weakness. I REFUSE to show that.
"Please, Chris. Please, just tell me." I touch his hand. Its surprisingly cold. I can tell he's finally going to say it. He is going to say it!!! It's there, come on, Chris, say it!!!
"I love you, Lance."
I can't help the intake of air into my lungs. He said it. He said it. I have never been happier in my life. Wow. I can tell I'm holding my breath because my lungs are burning. I wanna savor the moment. I wanna tell him just how I feel. I cant keep the smile from my face as I say the words I have longed to say for, oh, so long.
"I Love you, too, Chris."