She stared at the television; her fingers numb from holding the control in her hand so long searching for something decent to watch. But nothing, nothing came up that didn’t spark anything in her mind about him. He was everywhere, whether she wanted him to be or not. And that terrorized her. Flipping through more channels she came across MTV, his face flashed against the screen as he went into his regular solos.
Her stomach churned as they got a close up of his eyes. She hated those eyes, so transparent and glowing, she swore to herself after they broke up that they haunted her in her dreams and at night. Two little balls of glowing green flames, that’s what his eyes had looked like the last time she had seen him, seen him on the street shopping, trying to find her dress for college graduation. He had gotten mad at her, telling her to go away, telling her he hated her because they had broken up.
But it wasn’t her fault, she knew that much. It was his fault. He was empty. Somewhere along the rode to super stardom he had lost his soul to the devil. Loosing that sweet innocence and trust she had loved about him, the gentle glow in his face when they kissed or made love. It was gone by their fourth CD. Then he changed; he changed into an emotionless Mississippi native who started sleeping around with other women while on tour, kissing each little girl he saw that was pretty. It almost killed her when she walked inside his hotel room and found her with her own best friend. Shudders ran through her back, and her eyes started stinging.
Laura swiped at her stinging yes and groaned, as the group started dancing. She didn’t know if she still hated him. It’d been four months already since they had broken up. But it was true; there was nothing inside of him anymore. He had turned into a true rock n’ roll star. Behind that smile that made most blond girls melt, was a carcass. Nothing inside to fill his void. For the four years they had dated, they had completed each other, until then. When it all fell apart. But it wasn’t her fault; she had to believe herself. She had tried everything she could to bring back the man she had once loved, but it was in vain.
He was gone, gone far away from anywhere where they could reach him.
He had gotten on drugs. She had found some marijuana in his suitcase one night, and when she had asked him who’s it was he was cool about it. “It’s not mine.” She had believed him for a while, refusing to think that the kind gentle man who had asked her to marry him a few weeks before could ever want to go there. THERE was not a place he wanted to go, or should have gone. But he was influenced. He had somehow gotten under the wrong touch of someone, probably a hooker who had slipped him something and so suddenly he was addicted.
What would the press say if they knew that about their dearest good boy? They could skin him alive, both the media and the fans. He would be forced to give up his reign. His reign as the “shy one”. What a load of bull shit. He had never been innocent, just quiet. He HAD been innocent in the sense that he loved her had stayed truthful for as long as he could. But all good things had come to an end between them.
She ran out on him on their wedding day. Knowing it was for her best. Laura sighed and scratched at her finger where the diamond had once been, but those dreams of a life being happy with him were shattered. She looked back at the television, to see the video ending. The tall man smiled, “And that was *NSYNC’s video. We have Lance on the phone, Lance are you there?”
She would have once hyperventilated if she thought he would be on TV, but when he had turned his back on her, he’d taken her human emotions with her, the only thing that stayed there was the blunt attitude. Nothing more.
“Hey Carson.”
Laura’s eyes slanted as she growled. “Hey Lance, how are you?”
“I’m fine, thanks…”
She shut off the television. Her anger boiled, she hated him, and she hated the fans. At least those fan who had turned him into that. That liar. She hated Lance Bass. Standing up she headed for the door, throwing her jacket on; she stepped outside feeling for the hard metal that was inside.
Tomorrow would be a new day.