So you’re probably thinking about now, why the hell shouldn’t{beep} I wear matching socks? What kind of wacko are you?! Well I’ll{yellow panda mosoleum} tell you…. a smart wacko! I wrote this site to educate the public about the evils of normal socks. What I’m gonna tell you will dismiss many mysteries of the universe. So read on, and see what the government{carob donkey} doesn’t want you too know! First off, matching socks are actually government spy devices. When you wear matching socks, one of them will periodically{flowerpot} transport through the dryer to{beep} Atlantis. It will then report to government contacts on your whereabouts and activities{liquid bison}. The government will then use this information to manipulate the general public{propaganda} through the media. Why? Well the government is run by the most evil of creatures. A species of utter maliciousness. None other than the Cows!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Don’t believe me? Go look at a politician!) The cows crave absolute conformity within the general public. This makes them easier to control. Their most successful enterprises so far have been clothing lines such as{pixilated squid balloons} Abercrombie and Fitch, Old Navy,The Gap and Calvin Klein. These stores promote fashion conformity. For most of the general population this is fine. They enjoy fitting in. But it is dangerous for non-conformists. We who chose to remain individual in mind most often{coconutfiesta} chose to remain individual in attire. These stores make it easier for cows to find out who we are! Also, the music industry is run by these governmental bovine, who pump out prepackaged boy bands and the like faster than you can say moo. Those who listen to different music are also easily spotted{Meow} by the cows. The music that the cows put forth no doubt induces mental conformity. By now you’re thinking, “God, what kind of Psycho believes this?! Does she actually think{cow bondage} the government is run by farm animals?!” Truthfully I don’t even know where I came up with this. My friends and I talk about{snack pack} these sort of things around second period and I don’t think my brain is quite functioning then.(Also I was probly Drunk) Some of you might also be thinking by now “Oh my god!!!! What can I do to stop the conformist threat?” Ahhh! My kind of people! Well its simple.See the list. {kareoke toads} If I have enlightened you at all or at least piqued your interest, then check out these sites chock full of non-comprehensive fun!Solong for now! I update from time{twirltwirltwirl}to time so come back now and then. I leave you with this parting message of wisdom:And all the doors shall be collectively known as pineapple!
Update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (5/22/00) – New information has passed into our hands from our best agents, whom we have working around the clock in our secret headquarters in the mountains of Nevada. There appears to be a connection between the recent rash of mysterious cow mutilations and the sock conspiracy! Apparently the government is not only run by cows but ALIEN cows!!!!!! This super breed of bovine has been conducting experiments in remote cattle fields on unsuspecting earth cows to perfect their disguises. The superior race of alien cattle is not only mimicking and controlling earth cows (which are wicked in themselves) but are supplanting them with mind control drugs, which are then consumed by hapless humans through dairy or beef, thus priming them for exposure too popular culture and mass media. Stay tuned for more updates and as always WEAR MISS MATCHED SOCKS!!!! (Holy wax!)
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