Journal 0008 - Reunion!

Here are the highlights:

An example conversation with Akie before attending reunion.

Akie, incredulously: And you're... a writer?
Me, without batting an eyelid: Yes. (despite being out of work for the past year)
Akie: And you're... an artist.
Saloppe: Yeesss.... (despite working at a job she despise and not having enough time to spend on her precious men sketches)
Akie: ... you realize no one will believe you.
Me: Of course they will! Look, I got us our business cards!
Akie: *squints* This is crayon on construction paper...
Saloppe: SO SUE US WE DREW THEM UP ON THE DRIVE OVER!!

Saloppe adds, "I could put all these damn kittens on them". Those damn kittens she are referring to are those pictures of big eyed monsters she keeps drawing. And she says I always diss her kittens.

Anyway...
Akie: That's.. very good. What if they start asking about men you're seein--?

Simple. We break down and cry.

Akie: There there.. we'll make up men!
Me: AKIE, YOU'RE SO SMART!
Saloppe: YES! HOW COULD WE HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU?
Akie: Yes... Yes... I know I'm brilliant. ( does the fingersteeple thing)

And the moral of this story is, Akie is evil because she makes us feel that we keep wasting chances and she hurt our feelings about the men.
But she's our queen and we could really care less about... not having... (chokes)

Bad Akie... Baaaaad Akie.

Back to our ICQ conversation:
Saloppe: Dude... I really really really hope we don't have to sink to the point of making up men. That pleasurable frenchman story is way to long to tell.

What Pleasurable Frenchman story, you ask? Erm... Actually, that frenchman story of hers gets even better the more she mentions it.
Basically, the Pleasurable Frenchman story is... Um.. The story Saloppe gives when people ask about her private life. She has a Frenchman she locks up in her apartment who pleasures her all night long. That's basically the gist of it.

Saloppe:I'm thinking that if you do end up dragging me to some reunion or another, I'll eventually ad in a part where he does scented oil massages and LOL Yeeek takes a licking but prefers a sucking. now that you mention it.. reunions suck ass.

Me: I dun wanna go and be reminded of why I didn't like being in school. and being asked "so where's your boyfriend? you did read the part in the invitatin that said to bring a friend? didn't you? oh, i'm sorry, you don't have one. hah, isn't that funny?"

Saloppe: Yeahh... yeah thats reall funny... SO'S MY fist in yo' pie hole, sucka!
Ooooh my frenchman and me...

Me: But i'm still going. might be fun.
Then go backpackin in thailand and chase after loose, tanned and fine blond men in koh samui... ooh yeah

Fact:
Akie is going to Koh Samui this month.

Fiction:
Me and Saloppe are going too.

Reality:
We'll be crying ourselves to sleep this summer.

Depressing stories, continued:
Saloppe: 's long as we swing back down to kau lak and check out that fine assortment of assmeats and maglites.

Me: Dude, no prob! LOL it'd be fun!

Saloppe: AUGHHH!!!! dude... SOOO fucking cool...I'll have to work on my pickup lines.
Those are quite a beautiful pair of shoes....

Don't laugh. Yes, that is the extent of our pickup lines. You know any?

Left to my imagination this is how our reunion might look like:
Mr. Hill (our ex Math teach, really scary stuff), coming back after all these years: good afternoon ladies. Why, it's Jennifer and Shar-MIZA.
Me, drugged by pills: I go by the name Lady Delight Pimp Whore but you may call me Ski.
Hill: Ahh.. okay. So what have you been doing?
Saloppe: Well, me and her, we've started our own company.
Hill: Really?
Saloppe: Yeah, "Pygmalion comics". Our motto: Shallowness shall prevail. A division of depraved, inc.
Hill: Uhh...

Me: Pickup lines. okiee..

Like I said, pickup lines. We desperately need help.

Saloppe: *straight face* I have a frenchman locked in my penthouse. He pleasures me several times a night, and rubs we with scented oils.
Hill: Good lord.

Saloppe: GOD, I really have to let that story go

Saloppe: MAN. Holy monkey, you know we'd get kicked out after the first hour?

Me: we would.. LOL but I tole you itd be fun. Akie would be mortified!

Saloppe: ...You think the tay would be ashamed of us gangsters?

Worst Case Scenario:
overheard inside the hotel ballroom where the reception for alumni is held:
"I thought you said they had grown up!"
Akie: But they were fine this morning!
"Good GOD, I think Sharmiza was on DRUGS!"
Akie: Uh.. no, I don't think she took her pills this morning
"And oh my god, they made fun of my hair!!! my hair!!"
Akie: Well.. it is kinda.. messy...
"And one of them started ranting about some french man who'd pleasure her--"
Akie: I GET THE POINT.
"You were supposed to rehabilitate them!"
Akie: IT'S DIFFICULT!!

Saloppe: LOL!!! oh my god one day we have to send all thses msgs to akie....

Me: she'd mail em back to us with the note "pls. burn these"

So Akie.. Um.. If you're reading this, please go easy on us when reunion time comes along? We promise not to be kicked out. At least, in the first twenty minutes. (big puppy dog eyes) Look at the kitties!

END?