The return of some useful French phrases in light of the fact that you know only a few…

Welcome again, dear readers. As you may have heard, my normally reliable French source (Wai Foong) has refused to translate some phrases, claiming ignorance. As if! C’mon, how hard is it to translate “boxers” into French?

So with that in mind, I have collected a measly number of new phrases to glaze over.

PS I got these from “How to be obnovxious in French”.

Says it all, dun’t it?

Phrase number one:

"Tu as grossi"

[You've put on weight] Hey, c’mon. I’m sure you’d like to get back at that bitch who keeps badmouthing you. Heck, she’s so dumb, she’d prolly think you’re giving her a compliment in French. Heh heh. Suckers.

Pronounced: (tu ah gro - si)

Phrase number two:

"La police, ne t'a pas encore trouvé?"

[Haven’t the police found you yet?]

Use it in abandon; I use it when I’m talking to my sis. Three years of French and she still can’t understand a word of French I speak. Idiot.

Pronounced: (la po - lees ne ta pa zen - cor troo - vay)

Phrase number three:

"Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?"

[Reality and you don’t mix, do they?]

Heh heh. Perfectly describes myself. Use the next phrase if some eejit says that in French to you.

Pronounced: (le ree - al - ee - tay eh twa voo ne voo zen - ten - day pah nes pah)

Phrase number four:

"Voulez-vous cesser de me cracher dessus pendant que vous parlez!"

[Will you please stop spitting on me while you’re talking?]

That oughta shut that bugger up.

Pronounced: (voo - lay voo se - say de me cra - shay de - su pen - dan que voo parl - ay)

Phrase number five:

"Tu es completement debile"

[You’re a complete moron]

Nuff said, non?

Pronounced: (tu eh com - plet - e - men de - beel)

Some insults:

"Idiot", "Fou", "Cretin", "Imbecile"

[I hope you know what they translate to]

Pronounced: (ee - dee - o, foo, cre - tin, Im - be - seel)

Another nice phrase (number six):

"Je vous aurais bien aide, mais je ne vous aime pas."

[I’d help you, but I don’t like you]

When someone asks for your help. Much much much more satisfying than just saying “No.”

Pronounced: (zhe voo zaw - ray bien ai - de may zhe ne voo zaim - e pah)

Here’s a keeper (number seven):

"Mon Dieu, que vos enfants sont laids"

[My God, your children are ugly]

HA HA! That is mean. But funny.

Pronounced: (Mon dyer ke voe zen - fant son lay)

To get rid of that awful guy (number eight):

"Est-ce difficile trouver une cravate plus odieuse que vous?"

[Was it difficult to find a tie more obnoxious than you?]

Hopefully he’ll be too shocked to answer and you can make your escape.

Pronounced: (Es di - fi - seel troo - veh oon cra - vat ploo zoa - dee - euz ke voo)

Phrase number nine:

"Vous avez des origines françaises? Pourquoi pas une descendance française?"

[Do you have any French in you? Would you like some?]

For God’s sake, stay away from any guy offering this pick up line! At any length, the man in question is a ladies’ man and a complete bastard with a string of ex girlfriends in his wake. But knowing you, you wouldn’t even care about this warning as soon as you see his rugged good looks and charming smile. Damn.

Pronounced: (voo za - vay deh zo - ri - zhin fran - say? poor kwu pah deh - sen - dans fran - say?)

Phrase for Jen and me:

"Voulez vous parler, ou bien dois-je continuer à vous relequer de là oú je suis?"

[Shall we talk or should I just continue ogling you from a distance?]

So, any French guys reading this, if you happen to notice two women in the background staring lecherously at you, don’t worry. It’s just us.

Pronounced: (voo - lay voo par - leh, oo bien dwa zhe con - ti - nu - eh a voo re - le - heh de la oo zhe swee)

Obnoxious bastard’s phrase:

"C'est des vrais?"

[Are those real?]

You know what he’s talking about. Give him a punch for me.

Pronounced: (say deh vray)

Phrase number twelve:

"Pourquoi ne rebaisses-tu jamais le siège des WC?"

[Why can’t you put the toilet seat down?]

When your little love affair turns sour.

Pronounced: (poor - kwa ne re - bay - seh tu zha - may le see - ezh - e deh ve - se)

Phrase number thirteen:

"Je pense que nous devrions voirs d'autres personnes. Moi même j'en vois depuis trois moins."

[I think we should see other people. I have been for the last three months.]

Oooh. When you dump the guy.

Pronounced: (zhe pens ke noo dev - ree - on vwar doatr per - son. mwah mehm zhen vwah de - pwee trwah - mwan)

But of course, as the author says on his website: http://yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au/~mongoose/french/, if you take the contents of this page seriously, then you are an idiot.