Something kinda wierd happened to me the other day. It was one of those thing that you want to happen but you're never really ready for. What happened?
I saw my ex-crush.
Here's a brief overview of the past: I thought he was God's gift, unfortunatly, so did he. I thought we were destined to be, unfortunatly, he didn't. I did things that I look back at now and what to smack myself, seriously. Unreturned valentines, rearranging my schedule to pass him in the halls, a secret admirer message in the school play's playbill, etc. (you get the idea!) Point is, I though he was my reason for living (ok, a little dramatic, I know), and of course I thought I loved him. (HAH!) But now, over three years later I know I was wrong -- so very wrong.
It was almost a year since I saw him last. But about two weeks ago a friend and I went to our high school's play and during intermission we passes him. At first, I got the old feeling of butterflies. But then we went over to say hi. That was when I realized how completely over him is actually was. I mean, not seeing him for a year meant I obviously wasn't carrying a torch (I do have a life!) Even after I graduated two years ago, the torch was dimmed. (He's a year younger than me) Oddly enough, that summer after I graduated was mainly our summer. I saw him at parties, hung out at his house and we even went out once. I think that was about the time that I realized that we weren't good together, but this most recent incident put the icing on the cake.
What kills me most is what could've been. Not what could've been between him and I -- because I know better now -- but while liking him I may have passes up on other opportunities. I had blinders on, and my eyes were only focused on him. I don't regret most thing that I did while I liked him, because at the time I would've done anything to get his attention. In the end, he knew I liked him. Maybe it was the valentines' or birthday cards, maybe it was the to-the-point letter my friend wrote on my behalf (thanks Jenn!), or maybe it was just obvious. Either way, time can't be turned back.
Lesson learned: Don't wish too hard for something that's not there. There's a reason for everything, and why I didn't end up with this guy will show soon enough. I'm a sophmore in college now, and experiences that high school held stretch way past education.
Back to Main