If Only Through Heaven's Eyes

The hardest part of my life has come to the present and in living through the hard stuff I realize how wonderful my life truly is.

February 19th 2002 the earth lost a wonderful women and heaven gained an angel. Theresa Meltsch was in my life for only twenty-one years. I can tell you without doubt or regret that for twenty-one years I loved, adored and admired her. My grandmother lived her life for the people that loved her. Her husband, Bobby, was her love. Her three daughters; Terri, Sue and Lisa were the light that shown through her eyes. Her son-in-laws; Joe, Rich and Andy were, as once said, her security. Her grandchildren; Jay, Devon, myself, Kyle, Andrew and Jenna were her pride and joy. Maybe I didn't realize the importance I had in my grandmother's life, but I certainly know the importance she held in mine. Was I worthy of holding such a spot in this extraordinary woman's heart? I still ask myself this, with still no answer.

Let's start at the beginning.
You see, Tessie's kitchen was the place to be at night, especially a Friday night. Coffee was always hot, conversation was always good, but room was tight. Get there early or you didn't have a seat. Never fear, that' s what the counters and the steps were for! Friends, family, neighbors, sometimes people I didn't even know came to chat and play games. The weekend didn't begin until a few hours was spent around her kitchen table. Us kids always found ways to amuse ourselves. Roller skating, kickball games, walks to the park. Name it, we've done it. As I got older I realized that most of the fun lied right there in that kitchen.

When I was younger, I would sleep over at her house every Friday night. Understand that my grandfather died when I was four. And maybe that's how it all started, I don't know, all I do know is that those were "our" nights. After everyone would leave for the night, the "us" time would begin. I can remember watching TV until after 1am, which of course to an eight year old is really late. As I grew up, sleeping over at Gram's became less of a priority. There were other sleepovers, football games... you get the idea. God, what I wouldn't do to have a few of those Friday nights back.

I've always had this unique relationship with my grandmother. Maybe that's why her death hits me on multiple levels. She was my friend, she is my friend.

When I was a freshman in college, my worst nightmare became a reality. I remember getting a phone call at work and thinking something was wrong. Something was. Something was very wrong. Because my grandmother, my friend was on her way to the hospital after having a stroke. I don't remember the drive home, I only know I got there. It wasn't long before we were in the emergency waiting room. It was however long, until I got to see her. All I wanted to do was to wake up from this nightmare, but this nightmare was far from being over.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, I was allowed in to see her. I'd never been so scared in my life, but knew I must go in because who knew what the night would bring. For the first time, she looked lifeless. So many machines around her and not one person could tell us if she'd be okay, even if she'd make it through the night. I walked over into her line of vision. She beamed. A chance of hope came into my heart, giving me the strength to approach her. I will never, for as long as I live, forget those four little words as I touched my hand to her face.

I love you, baby.

Over the next six months she was in and out of two nursing homes and the hospital a few more times. Nothing seemed to be going right. Her speech and mobility had come back in small doses, but only to be taken away again with another trip to the hospital.

After nursing home number two, she was admitted into a facility five minutes from home. She spent the last three years of her life here and I give eternal thanks to every caretaker at Fellowship Manner. They treated my grandmother in the only way they knew how; with time, patience and most of all, love.

The beginning of February proved to be a testing ground for me. One weekend while I was home from school, I went to see her as I did when I came home. By this point, her health was in a downfall. Seeing her look so weak reduced me to tears instantly. I sat in the chair beside her bed with my head on her pillow and sobbed. With her good hand she pulled herself to me, instantly, and not surprisingly making me smile.

Several visits and two weeks later I got another phone call. This time, I was two hours away at school and once again my mother was the bearer of bad news. Theresa Meltsch died in the late morning of February 19th 2002.

If I didn't believe in a greater power in death, I would now. My mom swears that my grandfather came for her. That's the way it should be. Finally I can say that I am at peace with her passing, because I know there is some sort of plan for all of us. And if God only takes the best, he certainly knew what he was doing when he took her.

There will never be another woman like my grandmother. In spending time with my mom, aunt Lisa and aunt Terri, I've come to realize there is so much of her in each of them. I'd love to think I have a little of her in me as well. I'd be lucky. Honored.

Lesson Learned: I know three things for certain. One -- my grandmother and I had a one-of-a-kind relationship. I love her more than I can express in words. She always smiled brightly when I saw her, even in her final days. Two -- there will never be anyone more beautiful. Her smile alone could make you gasp, her heart could only make you stronger. And last, Theresa Meltsch went from being my grandmother, to my friend, to forever more -- my guardian angel.

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IF ONLY THROUGH HEAVEN'S EYES
*Nsync

I never thought you were a fairweather friend,
You never let me down, you're true to the end...
You're in the darkest hour, when all was lost
Somehow you left the light on....
You faced the wrong and showed the world a thing or two
Stood up for me, for you
And you should know....

Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through
I say it ain't worth losing you
I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives
Someday you'll see if only through heaven's eyes

I still remember the things that you said,
I keep your words alive I could never forget....
'Cause in the final hour you made me proud
So proud that I could know you...
You told the world it's time that they believed in you
You stood for right and truth
And you should know...

Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through
I say it ain't worth losing you
I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives
Someday you'll see if only through heaven's eyes

And so we can't forget
We've got to keep remembering them all
The ones who took the fall
They did it for us all
And we should learn from it
Stand up if you believe in it
You've got to face the world ... be strong

Some say it wasn't worth the things we went through
I say it ain't worth losing you
I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives
Someday you'll see if only through heaven's eyes

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STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART
Richard Marx

The sun's still warm and most days are good
The world still turns like you said it would
But this pain seems to never let me go
And there is really no movin' on
There's only going along

Chorus: And I will always be
Better for you loving me
Better for the times we shared
That travel with me everywhere
And I will always try
To hold my head up to the sky
If only just to let you know
That straight from my heart
I still miss you so

If I could I would gladly trade
A thousand tomorrows for one yesterday
There are so many things that I would say
You're a part of every memory
That lives on in me

Chorus

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PLEASE REMEMBER
Leann Rimes

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And your left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our seperate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
the memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
while we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
with just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
I'll never know again

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
and you were there for me
And remember, Please remember me

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
Then remember, please remember me

And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
and how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me

Please remember, please remember

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