Update
A very happy new year to you all. Heres hoping that 2002 brings you more joy, more happiness, and more love than 2001 or even your wildest dreams
I'm on 13 days now and counting till I get on the plane. Its incredible to even think it. I have spent some time tonight, reading through my whole webpage, from start to finish. And I found myself smiling alot towards the end when I read about how much time we had to wait. How time always seemed to be the enemy. I think its now safe to say, i've won the battle! All the hard work and all the determination has finally paid off. It has felt like a very long road that I have travelled and indeed it has been a full year. Looking back now, it feels as if time has gone by fast, but I know, in reality, it felt like an eternity.
I've had a thought tonight while reading through all this, and that is to end off this journal. I was thinking, that perhaps, now, once my children and I arrived in the UK and we all settled down as a family, it would be the perfect end to my journey. It saddens me in a way, but when I think about it, I could go on writing here for years still.
But where would it end?
I was thinking that I could begin something else. Not another diary, but perhaps a page of poetry. Perhaps not. In all honesty, I cannot wait to concentrate all my efforts on my lover and my children, and never to have to bother with the internet again. I don't imagine we could ever really get away from the internet though, not if we intend to keep up with technology and all, but to spend less time online is honestly a dream come true for me right now. Im not really sure what to do actually. April 2000 was the start of a new direction of my life. All that happened then, has led me to this point. Somehow I dont see the point in writing any further. If you, as the reader, has any suggestions kindly let me know.
It sit here tonight with my pen in my hand
So much harder is this, than I ever thought
Oh how I love you my baby, so far, far away
So its goodbye to mommy, goodbye to daddy
But please don’t be sad, be happy for me
Update
While my eyes are filling with tears
If only I’d find the words to describe
When I think back on all of my years.
So much harder than I ever believed.
To say goodbye to my family, to the ones that I love
So much harder than I ever perceived.
I’m so happy I’ll be joining you soon
But my heart is so sad, even while I’m so happy
From these feelings, I am not immune.
And goodbye to the land of my birth,
Goodbye to family and goodbye to friends
I love you with all of my worth.
My whole life is starting anew
With my man by my side, and my children with me
Past this sadness, we’ll finally break through.
~~© Bernadette~~
20/01/2002
Im updating quite soon after my last one I know, but I dont think i'll be coming back here before I leave. I thought I would come here tonight, and share a few final thoughts with you. The poem above ought to speak volumes. Please dont misunderstand me though, I am incredibly happy. With only 3 more days to go now, I cannot wait to get on that plane, even more so, I cannot wait to finally see my love again. To be with him. To be together again, this time, with no fear of saying goodbye. The goodbye's we have had to endure have become part of the worst and darkest moments of my life. There will be no more of those, ever.
FROM THIS MOMENT ON
(I do swear that I'll always be there.
From this moment life has begun
From this moment I have been blessed
I give my hand to you with all my heart
From this moment as long as I live
You're the reason I believe in love
From this moment as long as I live
Copyright Shania Twain - Come On Over
Daddy Dear
Tonight, I cry because I miss you
Looking back I'm reminded of just how
I'm amazed at how easily the distance
Tonight, I cry because I miss you
Update
But, on the other hand, I feel so terribly morbid about what is waiting for me at that airport, my mothers face, the face I look at everyday and the pain I see there. Everything is ok really, I can handle it all, but oh how I am going to miss my mother. And how its going to break my heart to see her cry.
People do this all the time, go far away, live their own lives, in foreign countries or wherever, I am no different to all of those, and I know after a while, we will both get used to the idea of how things are. A fact of life we will come to accept. I am not worried about myself, I will have all the love in the world from my man and my children, but I only pray that its easier for her than it will be for me.
Anyway, i'll be signing off now. I'll update once i'm home and settled in. If I'm a no-show for quite some time, know this......i've got a lot of catching up to do!!!! ------ meaning painting and unpacking and such stuff of course!!!*L*
Take care all
I'd give anything and everything and I will always care.
Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
for better, for worse,
I will love you with every beat of my heart.)
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true
because of you
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on
not a wail, not a sob, just a tear
as I lie on my bed thinking of you
and the memories we shared this past year.
things changed and of how we drew near
and I marvel at just how I'm feeling
and how much I wish you were here.
between us could simply disappear
and I'm thankful for the time spent together
after so many unproductive years.
on my pillow falls one silent tear
and I lie on my bed thinking of you
and of how much I love you, daddy dear.
~~© Bernadette~~
02/05/2002
Its been some time since i've done any poetry, or any writing here. My mind has obviously been elsewhere and the inclination to write any poetry, non existant. I know now though, that its not gone away forever, but I do know that my journey here is complete. I reckon, for the rest of my life I will always be writting my thoughts etc by means of poetry, but I'd like to continue doing that in another way. Hence, I will be ending this journal now, but i'm going to start something else. What exactly, I dont quite know yet....but my mind is full of ideas. For those of you who keep coming back, I would like to say thank you, and although I have decided to end this journal now, its not the end of my writtings, and just as soon as I figure out how im going to do that, there will be a redirect to my new page.
I want to tell you all how incredibly happy I am. The situation that I put myself and my children in couldn't have worked out better. I believed, before I came here that I was doing the right thing, that I had found the true love of my life. After 3 months here, I can now confirm that. Never, have I felt more loved, more charished, more content than I do now. I know that I did the right thing by following my heart and although its still so soon, I know that I have no regrets. Never before have I wanted to give so much of myself to another person. Never before has my heart been so filled with love as it is for you my love. And although, in my heart, my home is still South Africa, you are my world.
And so, as I finally close this journal, after 2 very strange years I just want to thank all those people who have given me so much positive feedback regarding my writting. I want to thank Angelfire for hosting this site - free of charge - and for having the opportunity to be able to express myself in this medium. I have laid my heart bare to all who have wished to know. I have expressed myself and my feelings in the most open and honest way, and I have not one single regret about that. Please, reader, once you've read this, don't stop coming. Watch the index page as I will soon have a link to my next page. Right now, as I mentioned earlier, I dont really know how i'm going to go about it, but i am going to try set something up. Again, not for anyone else, but other than because I enjoyed so much doing this, and I would love to try something new now.
Take care you all.
April 2008
It gives me great pleasure to say that my children are happy. They have settled in so easily, and im ecstatic that they adore you too. One could not have wished for it to be any better than this.
But yes, I do miss my home, my family, my friends. Life isn't perfect and we can't have everything our way. But in the end, the sacrifice is worth it.
To the rest of the world, my story might seem very strange....this love story. All thats had to happen to realise it. But its my story non-the-less and a true story with a happy ending too.
And bye for now
xxx
To continue to my new website, please follow this link:
A Journey 2
