YE OLDE SCRIBLETS

Assignment #4

Presented By: Isadora Porkpie

"Baby...I Got My Twenty Eyes On You."

 

Fritz Glurg was awoken abruptly by his alarm clock blasting the annoying universal space pop hit, "Baby I Got My Twenty Eyes on you" and a stream of artificial sunlight streaming into the window right onto his face.  He moaned, rolled over and pulled the blanket over his head.  "...I will love you no matter what hellish galaxy you drag me through because baby I got my twenty eyes on you..."  Fritz reached over and slammed his alarm clock off.  He looked at the time and it flashed, 0830 EST (Eastern Space Time) in neon yellow.  "Blitz!" he yelled.  "I must've been hitting the snooze!  Now I have to rush to work!" he thought.  Fritz rushed into the bathroom and shaved, ignoring his usual routine of rinsing his purple hairs out of the basin.  He stepped into his sanitation stall and stood groaning while it bathed him in a bright white light killing any known dangerous bacteria or virus on his body.  It was updated nightly by the Intergalactic Health Federation's traveling satellite.  He stepped out of the stall and glanced into the mirror.  Five blood-shot eyes stared back at him.  Even though his skin was green, it looked greener than usual.  "Shouldn't have drunk all that Ionian Ale last night."  He walked back out into his bedroom.  Fritz opened his closet and stared into a sea of gray and blue suits.  He donned a gray one, grabbed his space case, fed his Garblefish Larry and walked out the door.

 

Fritz stood in line at the spaceport's cafe.  "I'll have a quadruple beezleberry zappacino please." A monotonous robotic voice said in front of him.  A Bozoid was ordering, holding its usual translation wand with a large blue tentacle.  When it got its beverage it swung around accidentally smacking Fritz in the face with another one of its tentacles.  "Sorry." It translated before rushing out the door.  Fritz rolled his multiple eyes and ordered a plain coffee.  While pouring some sugar into his drink he heard music blaring over the cafe's sound system. "Baby, you can kick start my space engine with your heart..." Fritz groaned for what seemed the hundredth time this morning and quickly left the cafe.

 

Fritz's shuttle docked and everyone piled into it.  He rarely found a seat but this time he did so he quickly sat down.  Before he could even take a sip of his coffee an ancient looking gray-skinned alien lady wearing a dress decorated with stars came wobbling up to him.  "Excuse me young sir, would you mind giving your seat to an old lady?" He hesitated and thought, "Out of everybody on the whole zurking shuttle she asks me!" "Sure thing!"  He said without trying to sound too disappointed.  As he stood up he spilt hot coffee all over his crisp white work shirt.  For the rest of the trip he stared blankly at the "Got Glork?" advertisement which happened to be of Cherry Asteroid, his least favorite space soap actress, her upper lip lined with pink froth, winking and smirking at him.

 

"Ramzat 455!" screeched the automated shuttle recording, signaling Fritz that it was his stop.  Just as he exited he caught a brief glance at his reflection and especially the coffee stain on his shirt.  He morbidly stepped out of the shuttle and shivered.  "Zurk!  It was freezing in the occupational dome this morning!"  He thought as he cupped his coffee in his hands and stepped onto walkway 67 which led him straight to the Allspace Mutual Insurance Company, where he was employed.  Fritz was a spacecraft insurance agent and had worked for Allspace for the past four years and loathed every nanosecond of it.  "I have a Galactic Art History Degree!" He would say to himself.  "What am I doing here?" 

 

Without fail Fritz ran into Paul right as he entered the office lobby.  Paul was a human male and was flirting with the new Tillaxian receptionist, LuLu again.  Although Tillaxians were covered in fur and had menacing fangs the women were generally hot.  "Cold out there eh Glurg?" Paul stated loudly. "Jortz said the enviro-control system for the dome is on the FRITZ again...get it?  ...the FRITZ!?" Paul added while punching him hard on the arm.  Fritz laughed nervously and realized that he had spilled coffee on his pants this time.  As he hurried away he could hear LuLu's laughter trailing behind him.

 

Fritz entered his dwarfish office and shut the door behind him.  "Zurk, I hate my job." He sighed.  As those words slipped out even he started to get bored with himself.  He sat down in his chair and activated his vid-terminal.  "I wish I could just fly away and just sail through un-chartered space having adventures and blitz like that." He thought.  "I sound like a zokoid." His terminal flashed that he had new messages.  Most of them were just company memos and news.  The rest were of clients canceling their contracts with Allspace.  Before Fritz could start banging his head onto his desk repeatedly there was a knock at the door.  "Come in." he said.  The door opened and it was Zin a girl Fritz thought was quite swell, well actually, better than swell.  To put it simply Fritz wanted very much to zurk her.  Zin was a Drowg just like him but lots prettier and she had a nice pair of zorts too.  Not that Fritz concentrated on that type a thing but what's a Drowg to do?  "Hey Fritz," Zin said smiling.  "Sorry to bother you so early but Mr. V wants to see you in his office."  "Okay." Fritz replied and stood up.  "Did you spill coffee on your shirt?" she asked.  "I have a micro-stain blaster at my desk, I can help you get it out before seeing Mr. V, I mean, if you want."  She asked still smiling.  "That would be great." Fritz replied blushing. 

 

They left his office and walked over to her desk and Zin pulled out what seemed to be a tiny ray gun.  She pointed it at his stain and a beam of blue light shot out and miraculously "blasted" his stain away.  "Wow, I didn't think those things actually worked."  He stated.  "I've always been a sucker for these types of products!" Zin said feeling embarrassed.  "We should go out some time and you could tell me more about them!" Fritz said without thinking.  "Well..." Zin started to answer.  "You probably have a boy-friend; of course, well I better go see the big V!"  Fritz practically yelled feeling a bit crazy.  He spun away from Zin's desk and headed for Mr. V's office.

 

"Come in Mr. Glurg."  A deep and guttural voice said through the large wooden doors.  Fritz turned the titanium handle feeling as if he had a million zooty-flies flapping around in his three stomachs.  "Good morning sir." He said as he entered the large and cavernous room.  Mr. V looked up from his terminal.  People called him Mr. V because his real name was only pronounceable by his species, and when said, was known to cause nausea for a couple of hours.  He had his usual gargantuan cigar clenched between his teeth and his one large brown eye was staring directly into Fritz's five.  "Glurg!  How's the wife and kids?"  "Not married sir, never been, the whole four years I've been employed here."  Fritz replied.  "Ah so I've deduced correctly that your slipping performance has nothing to do with problems at home."  Mr. V grunted while he started going through his mail.  Fritz did not answer but stared blankly at the wretched holo-painting above the large-horned head of Mr. V of Mr. V sitting on a red chaise lounge stroking his pet woggle.  He had stared into this painting on many occasions. 

 

"Glurg, you seem like a pretty sharp fellow!  You just seem to be losing your passion for the business."  Mr. V said as he coughed something wet and moving into his handkerchief.  "So, I'm going to give you some incentive!" he coughed again.  "You're fired unless you surpass your quota this week!"  "Yes sir." Fritz said now feeling completely dead inside although there was a little part of him which screamed, "Yes! Please fire me!"

 

Fritz walked out of Mr. V's office and started for his office when Paul came strolling over to him.  "Hey, we're heading over to Zap N' Slurps for lunch right now, you coming?" Paul asked and added in a sing song manner.  "Zin's coming." 

 

Twenty minutes later, Fritz walked into Zap N' Slurps and scanned the tables.  He saw Paul, LuLu and Zin sitting in a hover booth in the back.  "And then I was like show me the vlurt baby!"  Paul was saying as Fritz walked up.  LuLu was laughing and purring away.  Zin had a frozen fake smile on her face.  Fritz had a strong impulse to punch Paul in his fleshy pink neck but he sat down instead.  He ordered a plate of cheesy saturn rings and a Titania Light.  Paul and LuLu stood up and said they were going back to the office.  Paul was winking at Fritz not so inconspicuously.  Zin and Fritz were left alone.  "So, what did Mr. V want this morning?"  Zin asked as she sipped on her diet slurp.  "Oh, we had the usual I'm going to fire you speech again."  Fritz said his mouth feeling like it was full of wool.  "About earlier, I actually don't have a boyfriend so I was wondering if you'd like to go out after work?"  Zin said smiling now.  "I'd love to."  Fritz answered.  They sat in silence for the rest of lunch.

 

At the end of the day Fritz was standing in the copy room making what seemed the millionth copy in his life but he was actually happy and excited about something.  He didn't even want to zap Paul as he heard him tell the same "Show me the Vlurt" story to another co-worker as he passed by the copy room.  He brought his copies back to his office and turned off the light.  Zin was waiting for him by the walkway.  "So I was thinking we could maybe go to Phoebe's and afterwards head over to Club Mimas?"  Zin was suggesting as they stepped onto the walkway.  "Sure thing!" Fritz replied without mentioning those were his least favorite places in the universe.  They both entered the shuttle that would take them to Phoebe's and he listened to Zin talk about her pet woggle all the way there.  He smiled politely but inside of him there stood a tiny man holding up a tiny red flag.  He ignored him and continued to smile.

 

Ten minutes later they entered Phoebe's.  Phoebe's was a Uranian restaurant located on Mimas. Fritz thought that Uranian food was the worst.  Zin ordered for herself and for him and he continued to smile.  "You will just love this dish!  I could eat it all day without stopping!  But I won't EVER get that fat again!"  Zin was rambling on and on with a crazy look in her eyes.  She continued to talk about her favorite space soaps.  "I just LOVE Cherry Asteroid and Richard Meteor!"  Zin exclaimed.  "Especially that episode where Richard turned into a robot and was programmed to kill her!"  Fritz saw the tiny man in his mind waving a handful of bright red flags this time but still chose to ignore him and stare at Zin's zorts hopefully they would distract him from the words they were coming out of her mouth. 

 

After dinner they jumped into a hover-cab since Club Mimas was just down the road.  "...and then I decided against the hyperion pink and stuck with the mirandian blue for my sheets." Zin was saying as Fritz was frantically inserting the cab's fare into a slot on the robotic driver's chest.  "This place is the zippest place to be on this side of the galaxy!"  Zin was yelling into Fritz's ear as they walked into Club Mimas.  Horrible robo-tech was blasting out of one-hundred foot speakers lining the club.  All sorts of terribly dressed aliens where thrashing about and convulsing to the music.  Lasers and beams of light swarmed around Fritz's head causing him to almost fall onto the floor and have a seizure.  Zin grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the bar and ordered shots of Thrim for both of them.  The last time Fritz at drank Thrim was almost seventy-five years ago and he had had too much and had to have his second stomach pumped.  But he continued to smile and thought to himself that if Zin had enough Thrim maybe he could cop a feel tonight.

 

An hour later, Fritz was sitting in a booth next to Zin who was making out with a BOZOID!  Out of all the zurking species!  He was groping Zin with his tentacles and was wearing a sparkly mirandian blue shirt encrusted with sequins.  Fritz stood up and walked out the door of Club Mimas just as "Baby, I Got My Twenty Eyes on you" started blaring away behind him.  He walked to the Mimas spaceport and waited for his shuttle.  He stared down at the multiple stains he had accumulated on his suit throughout the day.  He remembered Zin blasting away his coffee stain just this morning and then he remembered her making one as she clumsily spilled a shot of Thrim on his jacket.  "It's amazing how much you can change in a day."  Fritz thought to himself.

 

He opened the door to his apartment, fed his Garblefish Larry and sat down on the couch.  He stared up at the ceiling with five blood-shot eyes and said something he said every night before he went to bed.  "Tomorrow, I quit my job...I mean it this time."