Okay, I'm frustrated.
I have tried to serve God, but my efforts seem to be in vain. I have been on the verge of falling away from discouragment with my career.
I seem to be to old and still to unsuccessful to attract a young wife that would please me. My work has no community support.
I wish that some Christian businessman would help me. I cannot start a small business of self publishing my music on my own, and my patron does not know business. I have so much music that cannot be marketed because I have no help, no team, no wife, no network, and no energy to go on. My sins have gone up to my neck and I am drowning.
This is the system we have. The money is tied up in big structures, there is no dowery, and coeducation socializes the young to prefer similar age or to be embarrased about age difference until older. These trends tend to encourage immorality. Some poor young women look for sugar daddys or do porn to support thier education. Everyone is out for their own gain without any organized small structure, so the big structures get over on most of us. If a young woman marries an older man, he often is MUCH older. She does this because of his financial security, because she has no dowery; no one is investing in the young men in their early thirties. Bueracratic mass coeducation and social security has replaced the noninterest loan of the old intergenerational culture of expectations between the young soon-to-be-married and the older generation that guided, trained and supported them with a hope of a return on their investment in their old age (honor you father and mother). So many people can't seem to get what they want in the system. How many women I have known have divorced their husbands because he was insufficient in the economic sphere, and how many men have divorced their wives because they were not young enough to give them sustained pleasure over the years. All of this is because of interest investment gotten out of hand, fed by powerful international lenders lending to those who lend to those who provide capital trickling down to jobs jobs jobs but in the rat race of uncommunity and social frustration, aided by mass education, a factory line of socialization so unlike the old apprenticeship/dowery system. Now every college student gets credit card offers in abundance in his school mailbox.