DIANE FAIRWEATHER
My name is Diane Fairweather, aged 32, and I live in Sydney, Australia working as a High School Teacher. I have been married for 4 years,have 2 cats, a rabbit and birds.This is my story.
I had planned my pregnancy and it was no surprise to me when I found the pharmacy pregnancy kit was positive in May of 1999. I was 10 weeks pregnant when I started to bleed- the day of my husband's birthday party with all the family. The doctor said this was an anniversary period but I knew this was not right. I went back 2 days later and he sent me for an ultrasound. The technician told me she could not find a heart beat. I felt sick. I saw an obstetrician who told me that it was a blighted ovum. I had 2 choices: miscarriage naturally or have a currette. I decided that I wanted this empty egg sac out of me and booked into the hospital that night. The nurses were fabulous, asking me how I was and if I wanted to talk. I decided that night, I would start afresh and try again in 6 weeks. A week later, I visited the obstetrician who told me that I had a partial molar pregnancy. All I heard him say was "cancer", "possibly chemo, weekly blood tests and no pregnancy for 6 months." I was devastated and did not cope well. My husband wasn't home and I started calling friends, sobbing.
My family took the news worst than me. My Mum had breast cancer 10 years ago and my Grandfather died of lung cancer. My mother-in-law had me on 3 prayer chains and all my family used to ring up every week to get the results of my tests. I've had my ups and downs. I could not face shopping malls where young children would be and seeing pregnant women. There was a woman who was pregnant the same time I was and I couldn't face seeing her. It was a reminder to me that I was a failure and my body let me down. At one visit,my doctor announced as he opened the door to the waiting room of pregnant women, "whatever you do don't fall pregnant". I was devastated and thankfully my husband was there to support me. I used to feel so angry as it was my husband who would say it was not the right time, we had to wait until we were more financial and then a male doctor told me not to fall pregnant. I wanted to make the decisions and to be in control of my own body.
I went to a reputable herbalist who gave me drops to prevent cancer but when she looked into my eyes she said she couldn't see anything wrong with my uterus and that the doctor had taken all the cancerous cells. I decided to wait the designated time. My hormone levels dropped quite rapidly and there was only one scare where the blood levels rose slightly from 0 to 1. During that 6 month wait, I started reading books such "Heal Your Own Life" by Louise Hays which focuses on postive thoughts and "In The Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant. Those books were very helpful to me. I also joined a local group called " Childess and Courageous" who were a fabulous support but not one lady had a molar pregnancy. I also bought an expensive "get over it present" that took me 6 months interest free to pay off. It was an electric treadmill. I was doing really well with it until I sprained my ankle at work. Now I have paid this off, I can start having a family.
After a 6 month wait, my doctor has given me the all clear to start a family.
UPDATE: Since the Molar pregnancy I have had 4 miscarriages and then a healthy baby boy born 5 weeks premature. I fell pregnant early in 2004 and had the fetus removed as it did not grow. I have found it easier to name my miscarriages. Off the top of my head,I have couldn't tell you the total number of miscarriages - only their names of my unborn. If you ask me how many, you often see me counting my fingers recalling their names.
We will try again. I am on fertility herbs. It would be good if Caleb could have a sibling.
UPDATE:Zoe Iyanla was born on April 14th, 2004 after 5 hours of labour. We had a few scares - bleeding at 8 and 29 weeks but she waited until 39 weeks to show us her beautiful face. Our 'live' babies are a blessing and I am a much more relaxed mother and more sensitive of the pain of childless couples.
