...Boundaries...

Outside

gently circling aroma of idealism: pungent, inviting

welcome and persuasive:  warm FREE bowl of mild curry

Outside

open to the sky

the wind whisks away any hint of disbelief

impassive the raindrops dissolve unformed questions

huddled next to ancient shrubbery camouflaged

by the anonymous night

Inside

the friends

realTime friends

mutual acquaintences

friends of circumstance

gliding between the spaces effortless

the non-connection

Inside

the barest breath of cynicism sighs

(so ashamed) from my wretched and willing lips while

the warm curried drumbeat of idealism permeates

the gaps between the listeners

between the cushions on the benches

between hope and reality

.....curry and faith

.....protest and good humor

::so much pain and in

such varriety

::this cause that cause

::all worthy; all righteous; all interchangeable

walls of suffering reams of lies the thread of truth

and in conclusion:

the quiet and obligatory call to action

tacked like an afterthought

to a litany of shame

pensively pondering this bright-eyed gangly group:

my friends and their friends

all these many friends:  they are so young (And)

full of vigor

I was their age once (And)

already tired of living

by this time I'm more than tired

I remain unconvinced

but I bless their eagerness their devotion

even as I witness the emotional distance between us

brought together for this incredibly human and unrepeatable

evening of Mutual Acquaintence

I scribble notes

as if it mattered

I hear the lecture but the words roll off onto the floor

my cause

is ever to wrestleDown internal phantoms

jousting and battling the ghostDragons

"this is me, this is not me"

I remain appalled

staring steadfast at this my severe

selfishness

plodding towards death

the daily drudgery

slogging through the sea of emotional garbage

this is my life

so what

it must be comforting

to lose yourself in something larger something as vast as

human misery

let alone the misery of the helpless

the beasts are blameless certainly

unlike you and me we must shoulder these crimes

our own and those of others the aware and unaware

that crushing guilt of existence laid me low

too long ago

it's too late for me to care anymore

this is not me

and no apology

I remain unensnared

unencumbered

free to live and die to plant seeds gather fruit

and reap the bitter harvest

every day

so thin that line that connection

shuffling dutifully onward embraced by the hopeful throng

oozing forward

a pleasant wave to my friend

if he knew me really knew me this me

would he still be my friend?

lifelong anguish leaps forth unasked at the very question, itself

I would like to hope so due to nothing more than

basic human compassion

and this is where me meet

gingerly teetering on that narrow ledge

"this is me"

we touch our two lives here within this

slim agreement

.....we share a shred of compassion

.....like the humble crust of daily bread and warm curry

and then

the small and secretly sad wave of recognition and parting

as I exit

.

.

.

~Faye Manning

[[..We.18.Oct..thru
..Sa.04.Nov.2k..]]