INSANE REVISITED!!! The story continues...
The rest of Saturday……………
As Cg and Vib leave us, they invite us for a party at Vib’s place tonight. Oct and I aren’t too sure we can make it, as we are getting old and partying two nights in a row is a little more than we can safely handle.
Oct and I spend the day yawning, and lying around watching movies. My hubby gave me specific instructions to get the viewing of “girly” movies out of my system before I came home. We watch Notting Hill, Never Been Kissed, and Dr Doolittle with Oct’s kids.
4pm, I try to do the sneaking off to crash CG style, but I’m not that good, I get caught and crash for a few hours. We miss Vib’s party because Oct didn’t want to wake me up. ( I think the reason behind this was she would then have to put up with the grumpy one again for a few hours)
We chat later in the night, then have an early night.
Sunday…………
We still haven’t recovered from Friday night, and plan for a lazy day. Cg rings us in a state of panic as Vib was unable to get online. We are sympathetic, telling them “sucked in!!!”
They ring back about an hour later, and tell us they are on their way for a visit. CG has to be on a bus by 8pm, so the visit will only be for a few hours.
We get a phone call from CG about an hour later asking how they get here as they are lost, in the background Oct can hear Vib doing the road rage thing with things like “ I have to get in the fucking left lane!!!!!!!! Get out of my fucking way!!!!!!!!”
Considering they had found this place in the dark only two nights before, how the hell did they get lost??? They missed the turnoff by fifteen minutes, and ended up at the Carlton Brewery………..fate perhaps???? Can you hear CG asking for the tour of the Brewery??? Vib screaming at the other drivers??
They finally made it to Oct’s about 4pm, not bad really two hours to make a 30 minute trip. Vib’s kids fall out of the car, run screaming to Oct’s house “keep that mad woman away from us.”
Cg and Vib walking in with enough food and drink for a week. And what taste they have, mud cake and beer, my personal favourite!!!
Afternoon tea turns into Friday night part 2. We get a little drunk ( or a lot drunk depending on how you view it). Vib has brought her digital camera this time, and we take 77,000 photos, with only a few making it through the scrutiny of CG the photo designer and co-ordinator. You have to feel sorry for Oct, she had made it through Friday night with minimal pics of her being taken, and CG decides she wants to start taking pics of her first. Cg runs around the house, trying to find a pillow that will match Oct's hair (oh please, don't ask). The protests of Oct being subtle ( oh fuck off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is fucking ridiculous, I’m not laying on my fucking bed!!!!!!!!!!! For any fucking pics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Cg wins this battle ( wow she has a hell of a technique for making her back down, I think it’s called nagging into submission).
I must compliment Vib and Oct’s kids on their photography skills, the pics turned out GREAT!!!!!
AFTERTHOUGHT………
Forgot to mention this about CG’s bus trip. She boarded the bus at Gympie at 2am, so I guess she can be excused for some of this.
The bus stopped at the Sunshine Coast to let passengers off, Cg watched the guy unloading the luggage for the departing passengers. She thinks to herself, oh wow that looks just like my bag, but I don’t have a yellow tag. (She forgot her parents borrowed the bag and added a yellow tag to it) When she arrives in Brisbane, she finds out the bag that looks just like her, was hers lmaoooooooo Vib then had to drive for 2 hours at 5am to retrieve the missing item.
And have to also share the story of CG falling asleep on the shoulder of the guy next to her, and drowning the poor guy in drool. ( I hope she didn’t drool on this guy as much as she drooled on the bear, the poor bear is still drying out)
Monday…………How to embarrass Oct while shopping in only a few minutes.
We have to go out to the shops and pick up a few things, Oct has only ever been food shopping with me, never shopping for normal type stuff. We are in Big W at Beenleigh, I have a bit of a habit of wandering off from whoever I may be with. Oct is looking at something she wishes to purchase, and asks my opinion on it. I was now about 20 feet from her wandering aimlessly, and watching her chat to this stranger about her purchase, Oct realises when this lady replies to her that she is now talking to a complete stranger. Oct looks around to see where I had disappeared to, and sees me in fits of laughter watching her embarrass herself.
Our next stop is the Post Office, where Oct has to post a parcel. Once again I set off to wander aimlessly without informing Oct of what I was doing. Oct addresses the parcel wrong, and is laughing and chatting to the person next to her that she thinks is me. Once again, she realises way too late that I am not the one she is chatting to. This time I am able to ridicule her all the way back to the car.
We relaxed and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.
When we went up to the shops the next day, I did notice that before she talked to me, she turned around to make sure I hadn’t wandered off.
Tuesday……………Toos revisited
We are supposed to be at Toos around 9.30am, but we are running late because someone (me) refused to get out of bed, and once out of bed, refused to get dressed. While I’m having a sleep in, Oct runs amuck in Toos forum, leaving all sorts of messages that no one in their right mind can understand. We finally arrive an hour late.
We take a drive down to the Gold Coast and visit Toos for a few hours. We meet Juky and Foxyguy and spend a few hours chatting with them and having lots of laughs.
We head home About 12.30pm and spend the rest of the day doing nothing.
Wednesday…………..
I decide I’m going to subject these poor people to my cooking for dinner. We need a few ingredients and hit Coles again. Oct was singing to the music in Coles, and I told her if she was going to sing, I was going to skip down the aisles. (damn where are those horse heads on a stick when you really need one) ( for those that don’t know the story, just before Christmas while shopping with my kids and hubby at Kmart, I grabbed a horse head on a stick and galloped through Kmart singing “oh come with us and gallop” from Romper Room.)
One the way back from Coles, we decide to get a few videos and have another lazy day. The shop next to the video shop is a bakery. OMG I need junk food. We buy cakes, chips to go with the dip back at Oct’s place, and Caramello Koalas.
For some reason, by the end of the first movie, we both feel a little ill.
I cook dinner that night..
I pretend I’m at home and I’m looking for stuff I would normally use, like a potato peeler. What sort of nitwit doesn’t possess a potato peeler??? Oct’s answer……..a very impatient person and she thinks it’s faster with a knife.
Oct is on the phone, and I’m asking her 16 year old son where stuff is. I ask him for an electric knife, he looks at me like I’m a new kind of species. We don’t have one of those he says. I ask him for a carving knife, he hands me a small steak knife and a normal size fork. “this is what we usually use to carve meat”. OMG where are these people from???? What sort of hell have I landed in????
Her son starts searching the draws in the kitchen looking for a slightly larger, sharper knife.
I think every house I have ever been in, the second draw in the kitchen always looks the same. Lots of items that you can pick up and be unable to identify. Her son and I tried to identify a few of these things, but gave in. ( you should see some of the weird and wonderful things she has in there) He picks up what are obviously blades for an electric knife. I tell him what they are because he doesn’t seem to have any recollection of their existence. He hands me 3 different large knives, I now ask for a large carving fork. There’s that alien species look again, but he’s on a mission and goes in search of said fork through the third draw. He pulls out an electrical item, and holds it up to me, ever so proud that he has found me an electric knife. Great one Malcolm, but please focus on finding me a fork.
I check out the electric knife, wondering if my death would eventuate from me plugging it in and turning it on. I decide to risk it. Wooooohooooooooooooo it works. Now where is the damn fork???? I give up on the idea of ever getting a larger fork, and proceed to prepare the roast for sacrifice.
Oct is still on the phone, and has no idea at all what her son and I were attempting to do in her kitchen even though she is sitting three feet from me.
OMGGGGGGGGGGGG he found me a fork. The look on his face is one of pure pride. He holds the fork like he is Arthur holding up Excalibur. His mission is now complete.
I started carving the roast with the electric knife, having carved half of the roast, I look up to see Oct’s three boys watching in amazement at what this technologically advanced machine could do.
OMG they are aged 16, 14 and 7 and have never seen an electric knife in action.
Oct is also looking at me now. “what the fuck are you doing???”
What did she think the buzzing noise was coming from her kitchen????? OMG let’s not go there lol
My last request from her son, is a large spoon to serve the gravy with. Oct reaches over the counter, opens the cutlery draw, and hands me a table spoon laughs and resumes her phone call. Now it’s my turn to give the alien species look. “what the hell am I meant to do with this” Oct’s reply, “anything you like”.
Dinner mustn’t have been too bad, because they are all still alive.
While doing the dishes later that night, I found a potato peeler. (something else Oct didn’t know she had. At least my trip here as been slightly useful.
Thursday……………
A word of warning for anyone ever intending to stay with Oct for a few days, when selecting videos, NEVER EVER pick the sort that could be even the slightest bit scary. We hired Lake Placid and The Haunting. Two minutes into the first movie, Oct screams at a part that wasn’t what I considered scary. There was no chance of me falling asleep during either of these movies as she screamed throughout both.
I share my passion for junk food with Oct, this time with Burger Rings, Twisties and Smarties. I think I’m just a kid at heart when it comes to junk food.
We spend the rest of the day lazing around and doing nothing, I could get use to this life easily lol, but in two days I have to go back to a normal life involving kids, a husband, and housework.
Ewwwwwwwwwwww at the thought of that.
I get a little drunk at night, Oct will disagree I was only a little drunk, she is likely to say I was a lot drunk lol. I can’t help it my typing skills are bad, it’s not me, it really is Oct’s keyboard.
Friday………………..
Wow, I slept in until 9am, that’s the latest I have stayed in bed since I got here, we are usually up around 7am.
Oct is the type of person who gets up even with minimal sleep, she is cheerful, happy and sings first thing in the morning.
I am the complete opposite, no matter how much sleep I have, when I get up, the basic rule is DON’T attempt to engage me in any type of conversation for at least 2-3 hours or until after 11am, whichever comes first.
This morning should be no different. I crawl out of bed, light my first cigarette for the day before my eyes are really open, and there is Oct singing away, and looking all happy. I shoot her the
“do you really have to be so fucking cheerful at this hour of the morning look”. I think she is use to me now, she happily ignores me telling her to fuck off, and continues singing.
Don’t you just have the most incredible urge to slap people like that lol.
Later that day…………..
Another quiet day, not doing much. Loud music annoys the neighbours, and Oct sits and draws a picture, and sings continually. OMG I’m not going to miss her singing lol.
I go into chat for a while to annoy everyone……………….like I said, a quiet day.
Woooooohoooooooooooooo it’s Friday night and everyone should know by now what that means for me and Oct. Alcohol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4pm, and it’s time to start drinking, we sit in Oct’s kitchen, turn the music up, and the fun begins.
We hit chat about 5.30pm, and start to make fools out of ourselves. Boof and Smith decide the room name is pick on Insane and Oct’s hair lol. Our new names are Fizz and Fuzz, please don’t ask who is who.
We fight over the keyboard, each taking turns at typing stuff in the room and confusing everyone to who was doing the typing. Eventually they could tell, they could read my typing, but Oct’s had to be decoded.
8pm, I kick Oct out of the chair because her typing sux big time lol.
Now I am in possession of the keyboard, I lean back in my chair, balancing it on 2 legs and put the keyboard in my lap to type. But still Oct insists on trying to type. To make matters worse, the keyboard now moves as she types while I try to keep it balanced.
Oct types in the room, then I retype what she has said. I now have a new name, Insane_the_decoder, scary thing is, she wasn’t telling me what she was typing, I was actually able to figure it out. I think I may spend a little too much time with her when we are drunk. Since I am now doing the typing, Oct’s in charge of making the drinks. Not a good plan. The drink vodka and orange, the mixing, 2 inches vodka, 2 inches orange. The first drink she makes me gives me third degree burns in my throat, after that I think I lost all sense of feeling.
A friend pm’s us to tell us a story of something that happened to him that day, and I think it’s only fair that I publicly embarrass him.
Picture it, a man almost 6 foot tall, the typical rugged Aussie male. Big, brave and appears to be scared of almost nothing.
While at work, bodily functions need to be attended to. He grabs a magazine to take with him (like all men do), goes into the toilet, locks the door, not realising this could be the last time he ever feels safe going into a toilet to take a shit.
He lowers his pants to his ankles, sits down, and opens his magazine.
The biggest, hairiest Huntsman spider he has ever seen jumps out of the magazine, and lands in his jocks between his ankles.
He screams like a school girl, jumps up, shit hits the floor, and has to be rescued by another male co-worker who proceeds to laugh hysterically at the situation.
And WHO is our big brave fellow chatter?????? Who has declared from now on all expeditions to the bathroom will be made with a baseball bat and fly spray for safety reasons??????
None other than…………………………..F_I_G_J_A_M_29.
Will he ever be game to share a humiliating story with Oct and I again?? I think not
I wonder if he has ever heard of the saying, “Too Much Info”
This story was used with the kind permission of the person we humiliated.
We are now pathetically drunk, Oct more drunk than I am for a change, we are still laughing over the story shared by Fig, unable to believe what he just shared with us.
Oct’s typing is getting worse, now even I can’t understand a word she is typing. Oct is put in the chat sin bin for use of words no one can understand, and remains there for 30 minutes. Big mistake, this just gives her more time to drink lol.
It’s now 10.30pm, and my typing is starting to look a lot like Oct’s, time to leave chat and crash for the night.
We do the quick exit thing a la insane style from chat and log offline. The phone rings as soon as we do that.
Gyps rings us for a chat with the drunks. Oct on one phone in one room, and me on the other phone. There was a method to her madness for getting me to go to the other phone, she steals my drink and won’t give it back. I will slap her for that when she is sober :p.
We chat to Gyps for a while, and then decide passing out would be a great idea.
Saturday……………………..
7.15am Oct hears the birds singing cheerfully outside her bedroom window, she reaches for a gun and shoots them. Woooooohooooooooooo I have finally trained her how to be grumpy in the morning.
10 minutes later, I get out of bed, and I can’t believe she is singing!!!!!!!!! I’m going to have to slap her.
Neither of us seem to have a hangover this morning, and we can’t figure out why. We both actually feel pretty good considering how much we drank last night.
It’s 9.30am now, and I will be on a plane home in a few hours.
The last eight days, I have had the time of my life. I have met some great people, made some friends that I’m sure will be around for a long time, had a lot of laughs and an untold amount of fun.
Thankyou Toos, Vib, CG and Juky for the fun times we have had since I have been in Queensland.
And a special thankyou to my best friend Oct for having me here for eight days.
Julie aka Insane_and_happy
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