On candystripe legs
Tom--Candystripers have great legs!

Spiderman comes
Crow--All over her legs?
Tom and Joel--Ewwwww! Crow!

softly through the shadow of the evening sun
Joel--Evening Sun? Sounds like one of those tabloids!
Crow--This week's headlines--Find out why Robert Smith really wears makeup!
And have you ever wondered what Roger O'Donnell really does online?
Tom--Inquiring minds want to know!

stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
Crow--Joel, is it possible to be blissful and dead?
Joel--I don't know honey.
Tom--I'd have to say yes, because if we were dead, we'd be blissful because then Dr. F couldn't send us and more Morrissey and Spice Girls experiments!

looking for the victim shivering in bed
Crow (spiderman) There he is! What the--hey! The monster from the closet already got him!

searching out fear in the gathering gloom
Crow (singing) Here we go gathering gloom in May, gloom in May...
Tom--Gathering Gloom? Sounds like a Pokemon!
Joel (Ash Ketchum voice)--Gathering Gloom! I choose you!
Tom--Fanboy!
Joel--Shut up.

and
suddenly!
Crow--A door slammed!
Joel--A maid screamed!
Tom--Gloom gathered!

a movement in the corner of the room!
Tom--Ewwww, couldn't that wait?

and there is nothing i can do when i
realise with freight
Crow--With freight?
Tom--Who transcribed these lyrics anyway?
Joel--How do you 'realise with freight' anyway?
Crow--Ever hear of *train* of thought?
(Joel and Tom groan )

that the spiderman is having
Crow--An intense org--
Tom--That wasn't funny in A Forest, and it isn't funny now!
Crow--Sorry. (snickers to self)

me for dinner tonight
quietly he laughs and shaking his head

Crow--Shrugging his shoulders...
Tom--Tapping his foot...
Joel--Beating his--
Crow and Tom--Joel!
Joel--I was going to say wings, guys!
Crow--Oh, suuuuuuuuure you were....
Tom--Since when do spidermen fly, hmmmm?

creeps
Crow--Dickweeds!
Tom--Jag-offs!

closer now closer to the foot of the bed and
softer than shadow
Crow--Prayers for Rain.
Tom--Stiff as Toys.
Joel--Hello Image!

and quicker than flies his
arms are all around me and his tongue in my
Crow--Hmmmmmm....nawwww, I won't go there.

eyes "be still be calm be quiet now my precious
boy don't struggle like that
Joel--Struggle like this instead! (struggles in a silly way)
Tom--No, like this! (his struggling is even sillier)
Crow--You guys have it all wrong! Like this! (his struggling is silliest of all)

or i will only love
you more
Tom--I couldn't possibly love Robert more!
Joel--Fanboy!
Tom--Shut up.

for it's much too late to get away or
turn on the light
Crow (as Robert)--Bloody hell! We forgot to pay the electric bill!

the spiderman is having you
for dinner tonight"
Tom--Oh, so the spiderman refers to himself in the third person, then?
Crow (spiderman)--The spiderman is sweet on Robert.
Joel (spiderman)--The spiderman...doesn't like surprises!

and i feel like i'm being eaten by a thousand
million shivering furry holes
Tom--Groupies?

and i know that in
the morning i will wake up
Crow--With a huge hangover!

in the shivering cold
and the spiderman is always hungry...
Crow (spiderman) Burrrrp. Robert wasn't very filling. I'll have to eat the
rest of The Cure now!