Some people find this funny--the MiSTing of cheesy personals ads.  I know I do.  I  pulled this series of three off a matchmaking site I was part of.  I'm sure you'll see why I wasn't there long.  It involves The Cure, Tom Servo, and Crow tossing off the witticisms.  Enjoy.
 

MOVIE WRITER
Crow (singing)  Moooooovie wriiiiiiter....
 

Covering my bases.
Robert--We'll cover our faces

MOVIE WRITER says "Searching for geriatric one legged podiatrist. Mom?"
All--Ewwwwww!

Lives approximately 840 miles from your home
Crow--Not far away enough, if you ask me!

My creative, thoughtful, sensitive identity comfortably resides in the "other" communities.
Roger--Are they aware of this?
Tom Servo--I somehow doubt it.

 But I decided to rip off the glasses, loosen the tie, take a shot of tequila and get back to the basics.
Simon--Reading, writing, grunting, scratching...

 I, once again, am Man.
Robert--Hear me roar!

Sexy, mysterious, regal, that's who I am.
Perry--He forgot brave, trustworthy, loyal...
Crow--And modest...

 Collecting numbers, not calling back, juggling women like grapefruit, yes...
All--Yessss...he's a jerk...

You pay, you drive, what's wrong with pizza, and don't bug me. I'm looking at myself in the mirror, yes...
Tom--(singing growl voice) Hello me, it's me again...
Jason--Gah, we've a metalhead...
Tom--Hey!  Just because I like a few Megadeth songs...and besides, how would you know?
Jason--Uhhhh, errr....

I'll be over when I'm over, give me the remote, I don't want to talk about it, and will you clean this place up? Yes...
Simon--(falsetto) I don't do windows, and I don't do creeps like you!

One more thing. You get the wet spot.
Robert--Only after *you* lick it!

Oh yeah. Some of you women are absolutely frightening.
Perry--Yes, the ones who would enjoy this ad, you anencephalic troll!
Simon--Anencephalic?
Perry--Brainless.
Simon--Oh!

You know who you are. You're wearing a mask dressed in studded leather, holding a whip and wearing ten inch high heels.
Roger--(sarky) No that would be my dream girl!

 Fashion faux pas if you ask me.
Robert--We didn't!

You'd never see me wearing a mask.
Crow and Roger a deux--Unfortunately for us!

Have a picture.
Perry--No thanks!

 It helps.
Jason--Us to decide that you are a wanker
Tom--I don't think we need a picture to see that, Jason!

 Thanks.
All--You aren't welcome!

Simon--There.  It's over with Experiment over, Dr Forrester!
(Simon gets up to leave)
Robert--'Fraid not, Si.  Look.
(Robert points to the screen, where the newest ad has appeared)
Simon--fucking hell!
(Simon sits back down, pissed off)

JF38
Robert--THX-1138...do you copy?
Crow--Ohh, obscurity points for Robert!

Roger--Oh, bloody hell,  here we go again!

Need Oral Partner(s)
Tom--(grade schooler voice)  My oral report is called 'Why Morrissey Sucks Rocks'
Robert--I like this 'bot already!

JF38 says "Can I please you??"
Roger--I don't know, can you??
Jason--See how many ????'s I use???????
Robert--Rather like Roger and his '........................s'
Roger--Ha.........

Lives approximately 10 miles from your home
Perry--Again, entirely too close for comfort.

Yo
Crow--(Rapper voice)  Yo yo yo! I'm down with it!  Know what I'm sayin'?

 know someone ocne
Jason--No, I don't know anyone's ocne.

told me that there is no way of ever pleasing a woman.
Tom--It's probably floating around in a USEnet post somewhere...
Simon--And it can be yours for only 25 pounds!

 I don't agree.
Simon--See above, mate.

You just have to know what they want.
Crow--What they really, really want!

Problem is we are not mind readers, so we really do need to be told.
Perry--Well, sod off, then!

I believe that a woman is the greatest creation on the planet.
Tom--Next to sliced bread!
Crow--And lager!
(The guys applaud)

And think they should be treated like a queen.
Jason--Or a Dead or Alive.

Now if only I could find a woman
Robert--Pah.  Good fucking luck!

who would like thier every desire fulfilled that would be great.
Roger--I think that would mean just about every woman, don't you?
Tom--Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

Age,race or looks are not important to me. It is the beauty inside that I seek.
Simon--Meaning I'm a  loser who can't get outer beauty, like I really want!

I am very oral and very opened minded.
Robert--In fact, the top of my head fell off last night!
Perry--Well, that would explain a lot.

I tend to wait for the woman to make the first move,
Jason (JF38)--Because I'm chicken.
Crow and Tom--Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!

because then I will know she wants to be pleased.
Simon (JF38)--Or is as desperate as I am.

So, does anyone dare to be reated lik
Perry--Reated lik?  Sounds kinky!
All--Saaaaaaay!

a queen?
Tom--Or a Village People...
Jason--Is it over?  Please tell me it is...
Robert--Gods, I hope so!

DENVERJACK
All (singing)--I'm a Denverjack, and I'm okay...
Jason--Nooooooooooooooooooo!
Robert--Relax, mate.  It can't go on forever...
Crow--You guys haven't been here very long...

I might surprise you
Tom--Then again, you might not.

I am a 6'1" WM with dark brown hair, blue eyes, clean-shaven, 190 lbs., with muscular legs and a well-toned body.
Roger--(DenverJack) In my dreams!
Perry--(DenverJack) In reality, I'm a nearsighted, balding, squatty little accountant!  That's why I'm here.

I live in the Denver metro
Robert (singing) Riding on the metro....

and am an educated business professional.
Robert--As opposed to a business unprofessional?
Simon--He's a professional....that would make him a business whore?

I am in good physical shape and work out 3 times a week.
Jason--(Denverjack) Which means I've little time to actually excerise my brain...
Crow--(Denverjack) And I've no need for a personality...

I LOVE to give pleasure to women.
Perry--Don't we all?
Tom--Well, we wouldn't know...

I am not pushy or critical
Simon--(Denverjack) Until I get what I want that is.  Then I strip off the mask and show my true colours!  Bwahahaha!
Roger--and this makes him different from any other man how?

and I promise I will make you feel completely at ease.
Robert--So far, I'm hardly impressed.

I am experienced and versatile in intimate play
Jason--As opposed to intimate work then?
Robert--Again, that would make him a whore.

and I'm looking for a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say so.
Tom--what she really really wants!
Robert--That's wearing a bit thin, Servo.

If you are tired of men who are only interested in satisfying themselves,
Simon--Tired of men who wank?
Perry--Well, that would eliminate 99.9 % of the men in the world, I think.

drop me a note.
Simon--Preferably tied to a brick, from six stories above his head.

Your pleasure and desires come first.
Crow--Uh huh.  Sure.  Human males say that all the time.

You'll be surprised how much I can give.
Perry--You a whopping dose of VD!

Mail me and see.
Jason--Let's not and say we did.
Robert--Is that it?  Is it over?

Maybe...maybe not...bwahahaha!