`Why, oh why, oh why, did he ever think he had nothing to worry about' Jason wondered later as he lay on his stomach on the bed.
Kyle--Oh, to be that bed!

Perry kept telling him to relax.

Jason (singing) Relax, don't do it, when you want to get to it, relax, don't do it, when you wanna--ooops. Never mind.

Which wasn't easy considering Perry was straddled on his backside
Simon--Oooh, now Perry has his own horsie!
(Robert snickers)

wrapped in a towel and rubbing oil on his shoulder.
>Kyle (Buffalo Bill)--It rubs the lotion onto its skin...
Robert (shuddering)--Never say that again.

The one he apparently strained a bit
Jason (Dr. Smith)--Oh, the pain, the paaaain!

from Perry's catch when he tripped earlier.
Robert (mock sterness) You'll just have to lay off the mushrooms, mate.

He had tried to shrug it off, but Perry insisted that Jason shouldn't take chances.

"Relax, Jason" Perry said again, kneading the flesh beneath him. Jason had beautiful golden skin that showed off pale blue eyes, that had he asked, Perry would have told him were equally beautiful.

Kyle--Mmm, yes.
All--Saaaaaaay!
Kyle--Jason, you can't say 'Saaaay' about yourself! It's like looking in the mirror and wanking, or something.
Jason--I can so! I know *I'm* beautiful!

But it wasn't something he would've thought to ask, and certainly not in this position,
Perry (leering at Jason) I've several others in mind.

in any case. Instead he concentrated on trying to relax as Perry gently rubbed his shoulder and back.
Robert--I think I need some of that...

Suddenly, he caught his breath as Perry shifted,
Robert--Into high gear!
Simon--Awww, *I* wanted to say that!

feeling dizzy
Perry--Always knew you were a dizzy blond!
Jason--Knock that off!

as a sharp surge
Kyle--Suuuuuuurge!
Simon--Coming from you, that's ironic! You hate soda!

of desire struck.
Robert (BBC anchorman voice)--...for the fourth time this week, leaving one dead and several others wounded. Scotland Yard is utterly clueless.

Perry was leaning forward just then, breath warm against his ear. Jason could feel Perry's chest hairs tickling his back.
Jason--Hehehehe! That tickles!

He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable to happen. "I'm done, Jason," Perry said.
Perry--What? Already? Hmmph!
Jason--Yeah, I'd think you'd last longer than that!
Perry--Just you wait, young man...
Jason--Oooh.

Jason's eyes
Robert--Exploded from pent-up angst and sexual tension!
Jason--Eww!
Simon--That's disgusting!
Kyle--That's dark, man...
Robert--But not too dark.
Perry (makes his 'a bit' gesture)--Maybe just...a bit.

snapped open in disbelief. He didn't know whether to laugh in relief
Perry--Bas relief?
Kyle--Considering it's laughter, make that bas hahaha relief.
(everyone groans except the grinning Kyle)

or groan in frustration. He didn't have to. Hotel service had returned Perry's clothes

Perry--I don't suppose I'm at all like the girl on Relic Hunter and I get new clothes?

and it was time for them to leave anyway. Showtime.
Robert--Cinemax.
Kyle--HBO.
Simon--Comedy Central.

* * *

Robert--A star, a star, shining in the night...

Jason was sweating.
Simon--He should have used Ban!

They were just walking back to start the encore and although sweating during a concert for him, was normal, the ache in his groin was not.
Perry--Jason's horny, nyah nyah nyah!
Jason--Just *you* wait...

He could be thankful that it was dark
Perry--But not too dark.
Robert--And so Perry finds a new bit to run into the ground.
Perry--Oh, fine, in that case...Krakatoa, east of Java. Fentonville, east of Muncie!
Robert--No more Java, I mean it!
Everyone--Anybody want a peanut?
Robert--Arrrgh!

since his t-shirt did nothing to hide him. He couldn't wait to get this evening over with, everybody looked too bloody good tonight.
Jason (Homer Simpson)--Mmmm...bandmates.

Robert's scorching red lipstick was slightly smeared as usual,
Simon--And after twenty years, you'd think he'd learn to put it on straight!

and the singer was simply crackling with sexual energy which seemed to be affecting everyone around him.
Jason--Muuuu-uuum, Robert's making me horny!
Simon (bored Marge Simpson)--Robert, stop making the drummer horny.

It might as well be Midsummer's Eve Robert--Ummm...isn't that one of those female products?

he thought listening to the shrieks

Robert--Of agony.
Simon--That's dark.
Perry--But not too--
Robert (thunderous) Don't EVEN. I swear it. (silence)
Kyle--Anybody want a carrot?
Robert--Grrrrr...

of the ecstatic crowd as they all took their

Perry--Dishes to the sink.
Simon--Unlike someone we could name (looks at Robert)
Robert--Bloody hell. A guy forgets to clear his table ONCE...

places once again.

Kyle (gay movie director)--Places, everyone! People, people, work with me, work with me!
Oh, that keyboardist will never do, we'll have to find someone else now!

He shivered momentarily, remembering Perry's inquiry
Perry--(German accent) Iss it safe?
Jason--I don't know what you're talking about! Arrrgh!

of his shoulder just off-stage, his hand gently touching.
Jason--My--
Robert--No.
Jason (looking put out) I was going to say shoulder.

It had felt like a caress and Jason couldn't stop the
Kyle--Music. No wait, that doesn't work so well.

slight shiver that had passed through,
Jason--Slight shiver, I need to see your pass, hey, wait, get back here!
Kyle--What was that?
Jason--Me unable to stop the slight shiver passing through.
(All groan. Jason looks smug)

knew that Perry had noticed,
Simon--Jason noticed Perry noticed that Jason noticed Perry.
Robert--I'm confused now.
Simon--And this is new how?
Robert--Quiet, you.

although the guitarist had said nothing but looked
Robert--And looked and looked and looked everywhere, but couldn't find what he sought.
Kyle--Jason's--
Simon--Next story.
Perry--No wonder I couldn't find it.

at him with a curious gleam in soft hazel eyes before turning to walk on
Kyle--The wild side.

stage. Robert turned from the bright lights
Perry--Big city. Good book, the movie sucks.
Robert--Perry Bamonte...lead guitarist and resident movie critic for The Cure. Enjoy.

to grin at Jason. The singer had been well pleased
Robert--Oh, yes indeed. I had all *kinds* of fun in Torture and Descent!
Jason--Well, don't rub it in!

with the show so far and had noted that everybody seemed to be in top form tonight. At Robert's nod, Jason started
Perry--Going south.
Jason--Oooh...

the downbeat for an insane medley of `Why Can't I Be You.' Robert had taken the microphone
Robert--I did no such thing!

off the stand and was prowling the stage like a restless cat.
Kyle--As opposed to a restless raven, maybe?
All--Boooo...bad pun.

He walked over to where Simon stood, the bassists' glorious hair in disarray and the edge
Kyle--Of Night.
Robert--Of the Deep Green Sea.
Simon--Of insanity.

of one nipple peeking out from his black tank,
Robert--Simon! How many times have I told you not to bring heavy equipment onstage?
Simon--Awww, gee, Robert, you never let me have any fun!

and smiled, a brief shot of sexual intensity as he growled out the line: "You make me, make me hungry for you." Simon flushed
Kyle--For once.
Simon--Oh sure, I forget once, and you make it sound like forever.
Robert--See how it feels, eh?

and quickly turned away, but not before the crowd
Perry--So he did it behind them?

saw his grin. They thought that Robert was simply playing up as he had done all evening
Simon--Robert up all evening...sounds good to me.

and they ate it up with glee. They howled
All---Hoooooooooooowwwwwwwwooooooooo!
(From Raven--You guys are doing it wrong!)
Robert--Hush, you!

all the more fervently when Robert switched
Kyle--From being a top to a bottom.
Robert (grumbling) Story of my life right now.
(Perry grins)

his attention to Perry and then to Jason whenever the line repeated.
Jason--Notice how we left someone out?
Robert--Yes, I did! Sorry, Roger...
Kyle--Make it up to him later.

Perry had chuckled and even Jason found himself unable to resist
Perry--Jumping me then and there.
Kyle--Not this story, man.

a smile at Robert's antics. But then he caught Perry's smile and nearly lost
Perry--His mind.
Jason--No chance of that. Lost it ages ago.

the beat.
Kyle--Goes on.

How anyone could look so sweet and yet so devilish at the same time,Jason didn't know. The thought that maybe he wanted to find
out, made his stomach flutter. And so Jason put Perry's smile and all that it might mean, out of his mind,

Jason--See? Told you I was out of my mind.
Perry--No, you said you *lost* your mind. There's a difference.
Jason--Nitpicker.
Robert--You two haven't even shagged yet, and you're already fighting! This relationship is doomed, I swear it!
Kyle--Anybody want a--
Robert--NO.

and drove all his energy into
Kyle--Ahem.

the rest of the show, hoping that he'd be far too tired after, to care for anything but sleep.

"May I have your autograph?"
Jason--How much money do you have, kid? These don't go for free, you know!

Jason turned in the hotel lobby at the voice, and saw a boy of maybe 17
Simon--Or maybe not. Hard to tell, you know.

looking at him with a shy smile.
Perry--Usually I look with my eyes, but that works too.

"Sure" he said taking the proffered tour book. The boy started to explain in an excited rush,
Robert--Somehow, the idea of Geddy Lee being turned on does nothing for me!

that he was on
Jason--Drugs.

holiday with his family and it was just his amazing luck that not only were his favourite band in town
Perry--Oh, so Hanson was there too?
(His bandmates glare at him)

but that they were staying in the same hotel!
Robert--Yes, changing hotels daily get's to be a bother and all.

Jason smiled politely
Simon--As opposed to rudely?
Robert--Well, this *is* Jason we're talking about.
Jason--Hey!

and saw that the boy possessed
Robert--Linda Blair?
Kyle--A huge--
Jason--Kyle...
Kyle--Well, this is *me* we're discussing.

what possibly had to be the most beautiful blue-green eyes he'd ever seen. He almost laughed helplessly.
All (badly dubbed) Bwahahahaha!

He was so tired. Every sleep was filled with erotic imagery and now,
Kyle (bullwinkle) Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
Robert--That's not a hat, Kyle.
Jason--And *that's* *not* a rabbit...

here he was speculating
Robert--On whether stocks would go up this week.

over a young fan. It really must be the heat he rationalised once again.
Simon--Something's hot, all right.

"We're staying in the `Rock Hudson Suite,'" he went on, "My mum's a fan but my dad keeps snickering,"
Jason (Butthead) Huhuh...he said 'rock'...
Kyle (Beavis) Yeah, that was cool...

the boy said shaking his head. Robert (singing) creeps closer now, closer to the foot of the bed...

"Which suite do you have?" Jason wasn't sure he heard right,
Robert (Ms. Crabtree) What did you say?
Jason (Stan Marsh) I once saw some blue calves.
Robert (Ms. C) Oh, all right. Now sit down and shut up!

but amazingly, the question was asked in all innocence. "Ummm...the uh, Shaggadelic Suite"
Kyle--Uhhhhhhuhuhuhh...he said 'shag'...

he half mumbled. He really was going to get Perry back
Simon--Shouldn't that be 'On his back...'

for this, he vowed again as the boy grinned. "Austin Powers" he nodded, "That was a good movie."
Just then, they heard a woman's voice call out: "Kyle, are you watching over your little brother?"
Jason (Kyle) Awww, mom! I wanna go play keyboards for The Cure!
Simon (Mrs. B) Don't you argue with me, young man!
(Kyle scowls as everyone laughs)

Jason looked down just then and saw a smaller boy hovering nearby.
Jason--I must suddenly be much taller, if I can look down to see someone hovering.

Kyle grimaced.
Robert--Why? Jason didn't taste good?
Kyle (turning red) Again with the tasting...

"Yeah, I get that all the time..." He took back the signed tour book, and grabbed
Robert--Jason!

his brother's hand, lingering a bit awkwardly. "Thank you, Jason" he said, smiling shyly once again. Then he turned and hurried off after his parents.
Perry--A good thing, that. Otherwise he'd be hurrying off backwards.

Jason stood there staring after him. This was all too surreal he thought.
Simon--It rates at least a 7.5 on Jason's Wierd Shit-O-Meter.

He had taken but a step toward the elevator when a hand
Robert--The Crawling Hand!

on his shoulder stopped him, and he winced in pain. "Jason," Perry came
Perry--Ooh! I thought that was the next story!

into view.
Perry--Dammit!

"I was going to ask what you were up to, but I can see not much...your shoulder's bothering you still?"
Jason--No, it bothers me when I move around! Duh!

"I guess I pushed it a bit much tonight," Jason admitted. He shifted his
Kyle--Contents.

shoulder and winced again, catching Perry's look of concern. "I'll be fine. A hot bath and sleep and I'll be fine."
He added, edging them towards the elevator.
Perry--I'm being herded...

Perry looked at him silently,
Robert--Well, I've never known a look to make noise, really.

and nodded. As they rode up to their floor, they commented on the show and how circus-like it seemed. Jason almost
asked where Robert and Simon had gone to, but he was pretty sure he knew.
Simon--Why out for ice cream, of course!

The doors slid open and they walked down the hall together, stopping at Jason's door
Perry--Which was good, as had we not stopped, we'd have bumped into the door and given ourselves nasty headaches!

which was closest. Are you sure...?"
Kyle--Is that your *final* answer?

Perry began, indicating Jason's shoulder. Jason waved him off nonchalantly and nodded, then wished he hadn't.
Perry still smiled but Jason thought that he had seen a faint trace of disappointment. A trick of the light, perhaps.
Simon--Tricks of the light, performed by the Amazing Rando!

Even so, he almost wished he could bring back Perry's speculative gleam. It would be better than feeling as if he'd just
rejected something, however unsaid. Jason closed the door behind him
Perry--Which was good, else he'd lock himself out.

and leaned against the cool darkness of his room. Suddenly, he re-opened it
Jason (Homer Simpson) Door gets open, door gets closed...

and was about to call out to Perry,
Jason--I've changed my mind! Come take me!
Perry--No way, man! We have to wait for the next story!
Jason--Shit!

then halted as he watched his friend step into his own room
Robert--As opposed to the janitor's closet?
Perry--I could comment on coming out of closets, but that's too obvious.
Kyle--Hey, you might find a change of clothes in there...

and close the door. Jason turned back and closed the door once more, sighing, his mind in even more turmoil than
ever before.
Robert--New and improved turmoil, now with 50% more angst.

His mind echoed Perry's parting words and he heard them even in the dark.
Perry--So he has infrared hearing?

"If you want me..."
Jason--We do!

Perry had said. And Jason shook with the realisation that he just might.

End
Robert--Cut.
Simon--Catch.

purgatory by tangerine© January 2000
Robert--Country of first publication, Vancouver British Columbia, Canada.
Perry--Offer void in Surrey.
Jason--Children under 17 and people who are easily offended are prohibited from reading slash fiction.
Simon--If not completely satisfied by this slash work, please return unused portion for a full refund.



Roger leaned back in his chair, frowning. He was a mass of conflicting emotions at what he'd just read.

"if you want me..." he read again. Much as Jason had done, he shuttered. "That does it. I'm going out for some air."

Roger picked up his jacket and stepped out of his room. Unable to stop himself, he cast a glance towards Robert's.

"I definately need some air!" and he hurried off before anyone could see him.

End