Subspecies of the Online Twink
If you've ever RPed online, you've probably ran into one. The Twink. The people that just make you want to track their players down like rabid dogs and jam a railroad spike into their brain. Through hours of extensive study and vivisection of twinks here at the Pissed-Off Pessimist Labs, I have grouped the Twinkitus Annoyinus into these categories below.
Timestop Twink
The Timestop Twink is probably the most common and annoying of all varities of the twink. These are the scrawny, acne-covered, teenage kids that couldn't beat down a wheel-chair bound 90 year old with a tire iron, so often get picked on alot. *sniff* The ones that don't go shoot up Colorado schools, or get caught up playing Quake until their 34, a good bit of them find their way into role-playing games, namely online RPGs. Why Online? Because usually if they pulled freak characters up at a table-top game, they'd go flying out of the door with a boot mark on their arse in a heartbeat. So, the anonymity of the Internet is the perfect place for these deranged little f-ckers to stroke themselves while imagining that Dorthus the Get of Fenris/15th Level Fighter/Troll Street Sam is laying the royal smackdown on some bystanding PC. They most commonly frequent places that don't have moderated character generation(Open-Chargen MUSHes, the White-Wolf HTML chats, to name a few places)...So they can load up on the buffet of ass-beating powers, skills, and equipment. The symptoms of timestop twinks are usually extremely high levels of combat-related skills/powers, especially at a young age. Black Leather Trenchcoats, katanas under the trenchcoat, and in the WoD, carrying the Desert Eagle pistol. They're usual course of action is to hang out in bars/public areas, and pick fights with people of the tiniest details, and then drawing out their arsensal they keep under that trenchcoat and blasting the person into Alpo chunks, ignoring all consequences of their actions.
TS Twinks
Another common variety of twink is the TinySex Twink. They can be found everywhere in online RPGs. Namely, because people are more receptive to the gorgeous model with the bra size that would give a weight-lifter back problems, than some massive reject from the Matrix trying to pick a fight. These people are just losers. For one, TS isn't even RP, except in circumstances of it being ritualistic, rape, or something out of the norm. Posing pounding somebody with your meaty pud for a normal Saturday Night Romp in the Bedroom is a complete waste of time. I've asked this questions countless times, and never once have I got a decent answer. What can TS bring your RP that a Fade to Black, doesn't? The answer, is nothing. The TS Twink is usually some nasty MFer, adept at typing with one hand, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. The common signs of the TS twink is dedicating at least a third of their time to pre-TS RP, TS, and post-TS RP(or Fore-Play, Humping, and Smoking the Cigarette). Descriptions that include manly bulges in the crotch area(for men), ample bosoms, firm derriers, and just generally dressing and acting like a slut.
Genre Twink
While not as common as the previous two kinds of twink, the Genre twink is just as annoying. The Genre twink is a player that -always- plays something that is a complete exception to the norm, having an absurdly exotic/rare background, and just playing things that don't fit in with the setting of the game. Good examples(For the WoD):Playing Happy, Sproingy, Cutesy people all the time, or non-Metis male Black Furies, caucasians in a heavily ethnic setting, or being raised by a coterie of supermodels/assassins, after being orphaned as a child, by your molesting parents. I'm not even sure what the hell kinda problem these players have, maybe they think if they play something so completely absurd, it will give off the illusion of having a three-dimensional character. I dunno.
"The Pro" Twink
"The Pro" twink is quite similar to the Combat Twink, but slightly different. While the Combat Twink wants to be the biggest, baddest bastard on the block, The Pro simply -has- to be the best in whatever field he specializes in. Be it hacking, finance, summoning spirits, general control of the grid, or what-have-you, The Pro will try to excel at anything, arguing with the ST over countless little details and rules, that will give him the edge in his field. If any competition comes in, The Pro will usually be a complete ass to the person, OOC and IC. Twinkery is just a means to an end, and that end is to be the best of the best of the best. The most common signs of The Pro Twink are having exceptionally high stats in his field, especially when the character is young, and playing completely emotionless strategists, not allowing anything petty like RP to come between them and their kewl powers.
OOC-to-IC Twink
The OOC-to-IC twink is basically a twink that either 1)Takes OOC information ICly straight off for the benefit of his character, or 2)A person that finds out something OOCly, then formulates the quickest route to 'accidentaly' finding the information out IC. The former are usually easy to spot, since they can't come up with any IC justification for knowing this. And thus, they aren't as common as the second type of the OOC-to-IC twink, whom the signs of what they are doing is abundant, but without any hard evidence to their twinking, they usually get away with it, time and time again. IMHO, I think these twinks are probably the most annoying, because they can directly affect you and screw your character over, without getting caught.
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