Editorial Comment - Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien received a cream pie to the face on August 16, 2000. We're not sure what kind of cream but we're hoping it was Spunk Pie. What follows is the Cunnilinguist's assessment of that wonderful farce.
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Now what the hell is up with our illustrious RCMP and how the fuck did this activist yahoo get close enough to our asshole of a Prime Minister that he was able to gently place a pie in his face?
There's no love lost between me and the liar sitting at the helm of our wonderful nation, but that's not the issue here. I don't even care what the motivations behind the PIE-ing were. The issue here, is how did this happen? How could the RCMP be so dense, obtuse, blind, incompetent enough as to allow someone to get close enough to whack poor old Jean in the squash?
There would be no questions asked, the RCMP on protection duty would have been fired on the spot. No tribunal, no inquiry, public or insider, they would have been kicked in the ass and their pink slips stapled to their dilatory foreheads!
Now I don't care that there was only one personal protection agent assigned at the time, the RCMP should have told the PM to go fuck himself and assigned more than one! Ignorance and fear is no excuse!
Think of the what ifs! What if it had been acid? What if it had been a knife? What if it had been a gun? What if it had been, heaven forbid, beer? I just cannot for the life of me, comprehend how a man with a pie, which is a little bulkier than a gun, a knife, a jar or a bottle, could get that close to the head honcho!
Now I realize that on the world stage, we are but a bit player, with very few enemies (save maybe Spain or Portugal when it comes to fishing rights) and play only a supporting role, but come on....this is ridiculous. This is the fourth time that the RCMP has dropped the ball on protecting our guy! This is the third time that someone has gotten close enough to cause serious damage. I'm just surprised that Jean's wifey, Alein, wasn't there to thwart the assailant with a soap-stone Inuit carving and I'm doubly surprised that Stompin' Jean didn't put a choke hold on the guy!
This is embarrassing for Canadian's. But you know the really sad thing, people around the world are just gonna laugh about it. They're gonna say, "damn, I wish I lived in a country where I could throw pies at our leaders and not get shot on the spot!" What a great place to live! As an aside, without even knowing it, this is a great way to get immigrants to come to Canada. What other country in this wide world we live on, could a whacko with a pie get close to a governmental leader? The US? Yeah right, he'd get Otto Vossed quicker than he could buy the whipped cream! Soviet Union? heh heh heh, does Siberia ring a bell? How about Ireland, Britain, Germany? Not a chance. Belgium is another story, but I'm thinking it's a French thing!
The long and the short of it is this, he's the leader of one of the G8 countries. He may be a boob, he may be (is) a liar and he may talk funny, but god damnit, he should never even have known that a guy wanted to throw a pie at him let alone have him actually get away with it. The RCMP officer should be fired, the officer's Sargent should be fired and the head of the RCMP should stop tripping over his skirt and tell the PM categorically, "You're getting more protection whether you like it or not!" "The only thing I want causing you injury is a pulled muscle when you try to switch feet!"
No questions asked, you're fired!
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Now let's take a look at some of those beautiful spunk shots to the ol' Prime Minister's face ...
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