Amended July 18, 2000
I know "Single Mothers" is supposed to be next but I just had to get this one off my chest.
Last night my brother and I went to see KISS. Say what you want about KISS. Maybe you don't like their music. But I don't think it would be fair to deny that they know how to put on a hell of a show. They give it all and they give it well.
Early KISS music was heavily sexually suggestive. At the show, if there was any sort of sexual reference (other than the trademark Gene Simmons tongue flashing) by stage members, it was generally done in a way that didn't make it onto the large video screen, and if it did, it was pretty much by accident.
The age range of concert goers in this case was probably larger than what you might expect. Young kids, and their parents went to this show. The KISS material was generally safe enough that you didn't have to feel ashamed of being there with another member of your family - be it father, mother, brother, sister, son or daughter.
The opening act was Ted Nugent. This is a very different performance as compared to that put on by KISS.
We came in late and Ted had already started. Thank God he was nearly finished. He starts off by slandering Janet Reno, Sara Brady and Jesse Jackson. He refers to Janet Reno as a whore. Sara Brady can "kiss his ass". Jesse Jackson can do the same. I'm not a particular fan of these people - you don't want to know what I think of Janet Reno for example.
But Ted decides that he's going to tell it all to you, and throw in the use of the word "shit" over 1000 times in ten minutes to prove his point. When profanity is carefully selected, it can have a tremendous impact in what you are saying. That is to say, if you must use it, use it sparingly so that it doesn't lose any of its impact.
Ted carried on with "even the faggots are going to eat pussy, even the pussy is going to eat pussy, shit, shit, shit, etc., etc., etc." When was this going to end? His music blows. It was very disappointing to see guys and girls, with their beer-guts, torn shirts, ratty jeans, cigarettes dangling out of their mouth, sipping beer, screaming "yeah, yeah!"
And still Ted went on. "America is like Canada. If you can't speak English, get the f**k out!" Again these fans cheered. Then Ted finished his number. Could it be over please? No. He came back out in a shirt of a confederate flag and a North American Indian headress. My brother turns to me and says "I guess he went back stage and told his roadies 'Quick guys! I'm running behind schedule. There's some groups that I didn't offend out there yet. I need to go tell off the Niggers, Jews, Chinks, Pakis and I might as well get in some shots at the Redskins.'" I think my brother was right. Sure enough, he came back out and did more of the same crap.
My brother also wittingly observed that these openings acts are probably intentionally crappy so that no matter how many mistakes KISS made, you'd think they were the best thing on earth because Nugent sucked so bad. He was right.
KISS undeniably put on the BEST rock concert stage performance I have ever seen. Their talent is undeniable. But I can't help but think that I may have liked them so much because Ted (the nugget) Nugent was so incredibly bad, so incredibly stupid.
I still can't figure out though, what the funniest thing in all of this was. Was it that Ted was also selling his concert t-shirts for $40.00, as was KISS? Or was it that one woman there was actually stupid enough to buy a Ted Nugent t-shirt for $40.00?
Ted Nugent is pathetic.
Want to respond to this article? Send your comments here!
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The Cunnilinguist sent me the following newspaper clipping regarding the idiot Nugent ...
REDNECK ROCKER BACKS ALLIANCE
Motor City madman shoots off his mouth, taking aim at gun control and backing Day
By TOBY McCRAE-- Winnipeg Sun - circa July 17, 2000
The Canadian Alliance Party has a raunchy, radical new hero in graying right-wing rocker Ted Nugent.
Nugent, 52, was in Winnipeg yesterday speaking to a rally of about 300 supportive hunters, conservationists and lobbyists against gun legislation.
Taking the stage like a TV evangelist at a religious revival meeting, an animated Nugent thundered fire and brimstone on Canadians who voted for the federal Liberals who introduced gun registration in Bill C-68.
New Alliance Leader Stockwell Day has vowed to repeal Bill C-68 if he ever becomes prime minister.
In tones that sounded like Moses delivering the Ten Commandments, Nugent urged the predominantly male crowd, some in camouflage fatigues, some wearing T-shirts with pro-gun slogans, to buy Alliance memberships.
'JOIN THE ALLIANCE'
"Shame on you if you spend your money on a pack of cigarettes after leaving here instead of getting involved. And shame on you again if you spend your money on booze. Invest in freedom, join the Canadian Alliance," he shouted while pointing at the crowd.
Nugent was the opening act for the rock band KISS last night at the arena. A group called Hunters for Conservation had invited him to speak earlier at the rally at a city hotel because of his well-publicized stand against gun control in Canada and the U.S.
Alliance organizers set up a table at the rally to sign up new members. By the end of the rally, 36 people had forked out $10 for a one-year membership, said Alliance volunteer Ken Muys.
The rally was ignored by animal-rights groups and pro-gun-control advocates.
Nugent challenged the crowd at the rally to raise their hands high if they believed animals have rights. Not a single hand was raised.
"Animals have rights, animals have rights to garlic, butter and cooking on both sides," Nugent quipped.
Shouting and swearing, Nugent urged hunters and fishermen to join in local crusades against gun registration and against any politician who supports it.
"Become a relentless hound on their back," he said, as several members of the crowd waved their brand-new Alliance membership cards to prove Nugent's words were having an effect.
After three attempts to wrap up his hour-long sermon, Nugent lashed out at the media and animal rights groups for giving hunters a bad image.
YOUTH ARCHERY RANGE
"Stop buying tobacco, booze, and those damn stupid videos. Get your family away from the video games and back into nature. Why not start a youth archery range? The reality is, the other side doesn't give a rat's butt about the facts."
The long-haired rocker bragged that students at his children's school named him Father of the Year after bringing in "a bunch of guns and telling them about killing animals."
Nugent wrapped up his speech by urging gun advocates to act quickly to protect their quality of life.
"Spiritual whores will continue to rape your freedom," he said indignantly.
"There's really no debate. Meat is food. The Great Creator meant for people to shoot stuff and eat it."
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My response is as follows:
I would be a hypocrite if I said I was the world's biggest animal activist. I eat meat. I have conducted animal research. I've killed animals in the name of science.
But, I have to say, Ted Nugent is without a doubt, the world's biggest chicken shit. Here's why. Any dick-headed moron can shoot an animal. It involves virtually no skill, and as Ted evidences, even less intelligence. Shooting and killing are not rights. They never were intended to be rights and they should never be rights. Don't get me wrong, I am against federal gun control. The Federal Government has no business monitoring something that is clearly within the provincial domain. I do not however, advocate picking up firearms and killing for the sake of killing. It should be a right to defend yourself. It should be a right to resist an unjust government. But that's a far stretch from saying "go out there and blast away!" which is the heart of this idiot's message. He is a national and international embarassment to advocates against gun control.
If someone wants to hunt for game, that's fine. But there is no game in standing 100 feet away from an animal, and burying a lead slug in its head. If that were truly "game", then I'd be playing games with Ted Nugent constantly. Killing "game" is killing an animal using nothing more than what nature provides. Game is even getting close-up photographs of dangerous animals and living to develop them. Game is not gathering your AK-47's, Browning 9 mm's and 12 gauge autoloaders and blasting the head clean off of a deer.
It's also obvious to me that Ted's never been forced to kill a man, be it with his bare hands or a gun. Had he done so, he might
stop to think that firearms are meant to be handled in a responsible manner. I don't consider it very responsible to glorify guns
to school children and say "see ... even though kids act through instinct most of the time, there's nothing wrong in handing you
some deadly weapons because it's your right to have one". I said it before, I'll say it again. Ted Nugent is a stupid shit.