I'm trapped
screaming
fighting
all in silence
No one hears me
all this anger
I want to kill you
I want to kill me
I want to kill
No one hears me
Not even God
Or does he?
Does he listen?
Is he listening?
Will he listen?
Does he hear my cries?
Does he feel my pain?
I'm going to explode
All the pressure building
all the anger bubbling
am I really here?
Is this really me?
Is that me?
Was that me?
Will that be me?
WIll I even be?
I don't know
I don't want to know
Sleep is calling me
Sleep wants me
I want sleep
They lead me to this room, the people dressed in green...
The walls are black and dripping with grease
Grease left from the souls who've been trapped here before
I wish the walls to speak to me
Let me see what they've seen
Am I the only prisoner not so ruined that I am conscious?
Am I the only one able to see?
The light has failed me
I cannot see but I smell the grease
It's dripping from me now
I'm leaving my scars on this room as well, just as the others had
The room is now a part of me, just as it had been to them...
Or am I a part of the room?
The walls are breathing and I move slowly with them
In and out, In and out, in and out
The walls are slick, it's warm, almost comforting
These walls are so wet, they're so soft, so warm
We are one, this room and I
I feel as though i am back in utero
Dependent on some other stronger creature to survive
Some dominant life form, that is in actuality weak, weaker than I, in spirit
Weaker than I was in spirit...
Will I be born again?
Will my innocence return?
Will my will return?
Will my life return?
Will I return?
HAPPINESS
Looking out at what I see
Something suddenly came to me
It wasn't of this world,
But of some other
Happiness, they called it
I took this concept into mind
Twirled it round and tried to find
Some kind of reason for this new thing
It couldn't be true, not for me
But there he stood to speak to me
Happiness, in the form of a man
Stood there and asked to take my hand
"Happiness," he said, "there by the tree
Come out tonight and you will see
Come out tonight, come out with me"
So out that night the two of us went
Out to the tree over the water bent
We kissed and he whispered in my ear
"Happiness comes when you are near"
"Happiness," I whispered back, "is when you are here"
From that night on, under the tree we met
We'd be together forever he'd bet
Holding eachother under that tree
He said he couldn't imagine life without me
For once I'd fallen, I'd fallen for he
Then one night I went to meet him
I sat there dreaming in the shadow of a tree limb
I waited all night and slept there alone
When dawn awakened me, I ran to his home
There I found his sister crying and heard her moan
"Where is my love?" I eagerly said
"My brother," she cried, "my brother is dead"
He'd died in a fight, a fight over me
They'd killed him on his way to our sacred tree
"Why," I'd asked, "Because Happiness,
Is not for me"
WHAT I'LL ALWAYS MISS
Can somebody help me find my way?
A brother, a sister, someone not opened to decay?
A mother, a lover, a muse to help me through
these cold lonely nights, could it be you?
Are you the one I need to watch over me in the dark?
Or are you hunting in disguise like a hungry shark
Can I leave myself open to pain?
Hoping you're true and it's not all in vain?
I would if I hadn't been hurt before
The hopelessness and evil I won't feel anymore
Can I go on living in fear?
It leaves, yet it comes whenever you're near
I love you but I hate you for how you make me feel
I'm scared of you, if I got hurt, would I ever heal?
I'll die if I'm with you, yet I need you somehow
I can't live without you, but this must end now
I've got to stop hoping, dreaming, and loving
Let it all go and forget all this fussing
I've got all I need, right here with me
That's what I've told myself, but I'm not sure I still agree
I've got the stars and the moon, but it's true
I think what I still need might be you
But my strength is something I cannot risk
So I'll just sit here dreaming of what I'll always miss
My Black Rose
My black rose gave me hope
But back it took at second look
I looked to touch and thought to like
That one lustful time crying into the night
I wanted this you wanted more
I left you there stunned, on the floor
You looked for love, I looked for lust
But in the end we both got trust
Forgiving, forgetting as blood crossed blood
Destroying inside me, my sacred rose bud
Death
As I sat, I stared into my sweet lover's eyes
Death stared back to comfort me
"Come," he called and took my hand,
pulled me in and in a tangled mess we fell
Lust and temptation in the darkness
and silence of the grave
No air, but we need not any
Two corpses molding together
One bittersweet mass of rot and blissful decay
Love and temptation sweet as the death
On our cold, pale lips
Cadever; beauty he was
No! He cannot have me!
The force pulling me back
No! Sweet lover, come back to me!
Death! I welcome you!
But it is too late
I have fallen victim to human nature
"Live," it tells me
I live, but dreaming of my sweet lover; death
He who was almost mine
Sweet Cadever, beauty at it's finest
Come back to me,
I long for the day when you will once again be mine.
Just This Kiss
Come into my prison cell
and we will roll upon the floor
And death will come upon your lips
and you will laugh and drink some more
This silver goblet that I hold
inside rests your tainted soul
I drink it down and now you're mine
Together we'll fall to that blissful whole
You'll feel you've left your body behind
and that's just fine 'cause now you're mine
This love we've found in death will cure
my lonliness and make it pure
These cell walls we'll never escape
but who would regret this blissful fate?
Forever repeating this one lustful night
feeding off darkness, not needing the light
Come with me to this sacred abyss
It's all ours with just this kiss
