Kelsie tapped her foot against the floor engrossed in thoughts. What Justin had said the night they were out on the balcany was slowly eating away at her, bit by bit. His little words about the past being important and that maybe it had helped her to get where she was today had been on her mind since she left him there that night. It hadn't been much, but it got her thinking...about her parents mostly. She had always despised having parents who worked so much and she felt for other children, younger than her, who had to deal with the same thing. She didn't get along with them much, mainly because she never SAW them, but it always depressed her, made her feel like she didn't have a family.
But maybe she hadn't been completely fair to accuse them of never being there for her. They did the best they could, right? She was a good person, with a good head on her shoulders, and she was healthy. They fed her, put dinner on the table, so they were good parents right?
Kelsie snickered quietly. Who was she kidding? After they got promoted, they didn't even go to her dance recitals! Yet, she still felt like she was missing something. The big piece needed to make the puzzle complete was nowhere to be found. She felt that if she had one wish, it would just simply be to have dinner with her parents, talk with them -- you know, be a family. A real family. She knew she had to talk to them and tell them her feelings, but she didn't know if she had the strength to. Maybe Justin could go with her...for moral support...
Kelsie scratched her head as a smile came to her face. Of course he would.
____________________________________________________________________________
"Absolutely not.", Justin shook his head firmly.
Kelsie's eyes drooped and the bright green that usually shone out of them darkened to a forest green color. Her face scrunched up into a desparate, pleading expression. "But Justin, I can't do it by myself. I'll choke and, and I just NEED you to be there. They won't listen to me if you're not there...maybe if you are there, they'll actually pay attention to me! Please, Justin..."
He reached over to touch her cheek gently and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her cute, little ear with a smile. "Kelsie, you're one of the strongest people I know. You MAKE them listen to you. Hey, if you made ME listen, I think you can make ANYONE listen.", he laughed. "But this is definitely something that you have to do by yourself."
She stuck out her bottom lip with a pout. "But it's something I don't wannna do by myself..."
Justin smiled at her stubborness and patted the top of her head. "Life's tough, sweetheart.", he watched as her facial expressions dropped in sadness. "What's wrong, baby?"
Kelsie looked at her fingernails for a moment and glanced back up at Justin. "I'm scared..."
He tensed his jawbone for a second and sat down next to her, gently rubbing his hand up her back. "Of what?", he kissed the side of her head and softened his voice. "Tell me..."
She buried her face in her hands and sighed loudly. "All...I've ever wanted, was just to be a perfect family. Ya know, some kids have to deal with the divorce thing, like Kat and you, but me...no I get the parents who don't care about their kid's life.", she groaned and touched her hair. "I don't know what I'm scared of...maybe of rejection. Of being pushed away when I feel the need to make everything perfect. I don't want them to look at me with those distant eyes and talk to me with unattentive voices. It makes me feel useless...They don't love me, Justin, and that realization is what scares me."
Justin's eyebrows arched up like they usually did whenever he was saddened. Kelsie strived for perfection in everything she did, and making a family perfect as she was trying to do was something that was too big for her to handle. He knew from experience that the imperfections in a family is what made them unique. However, with Kelsie's situation, most hope for even that had disintegrated long ago.
His hand continued to rub her back gently for another minute or two and then grabbed her shoulder and pulled her close to him in a hug. He stroked her beautiful hair softly and kissed her head again before pulling away from her to look into her shimmering eyes. "That's not true and somewhere in your heart you know it's not. They are your PARENTS, Kelsie. They love you more than LIFE itself and I can guarantee that if you even say one WORD of what you're feeling, they'll cancel meetings, or whatever they have to do and give you their full attention. You're their baby, Kels. Even if they don't show it, they LOVE you. Just like I love you and I believe in you. I promise you can do this." He touched her face again, brought her hand to his lips and softly kissed her fingers twice. He left her along in the room with a wink and a smile.
Kelsie moaned as the door closed, holding her hand where he had kissed it close to her own lips. "I hate when he does that."
_______________________________________________________________________________
(two nights later)
The 'click, clack, click, clack' or high heels against the tiled kitchen floor rung in her ear and her nervous eyes passed quickly over the black briefcase sitting on the table in front of her. Voices echoed in her head... "Honey, don't forget the presentation boards."..."What time did you tell Anderson we'd get to dinner?"..."You're wearing two different shoes!!"...
Kelsie sat perfectly still at the table, her hands resting on the counter top. Her head turned slightly when her mother raced in, grabbed her father's briefcase and put it by the door. She was busy putting on her blazer, holding a pen between her teeth. Kelsie felt a twinge of anticipation for that pen to explode all over her mother's mouth. Just as she was about to get a quick laugh in over that thought, her mother's voice came out mumbled: "Honey, you can take care of dinner yourself, right? I think there's macaroni in the pantry...We'll be home late, don't wait up!...", her voice faded out as her husband appeared by the door. "Peter!...Peter, fix your tie!!"
Kelsie felt herself beginning to choke up and at the same time felt a burst of hot anger flash through her system as her mom rushed out of the room to fetch her dad. The click, clack sounded louder this time...louder, louder, LOUDER. Kelsie closed her eyes and heard Justin's soothing voice in her ear. "Well, let's see how right he was...", she sighed in fear.
She heard her father's voice from the other room before she finally decided to speak. "Bye, Kelsie, lock up!!"
She cleared her throat and with a slight hesitation, finally said the words she'd been dying to for so long. "Do you guys love me?", she paused until she heard the footsteps stop. No turning back now. She stood up straight, held her head high and spoke loud and clear. "Because if you do, you suck at letting me know. And it makes me feel like shit."
At once, her parents appeared at the door with shocked faces. But one look at their daughter, their baby, and they knew she was hurting. Her mom scooted her over to sit next to her and put her arms around her. "Ohh, sweetheart!! Baby, no, we love you SO much. SO MUCH."
A tear slipped out of her fighting eyes and slowly trickled down her cheek. Hearing those words out of her mother was what she longed for so badly each day. Hearing them sounded so good, yet made her so angry. "Why don't you tell me? Why don't you ask me about my day? Why can't we sit down and have dinner as a family? Why do I feel like I get more satisfaction out of love through a boyfriend, best friend and mentor than a mother and father?"
Mrs. Meyers closed her eyes, the painful questions panging her heart. She glanced at her husband, who was already on the phone telling their clients that they would not be able to make it. "I know I've been the most horrible mother in the world...I don't know how I can even try making it up to you, but my God Kelsie. I love you more than life itself and I'm so so sorry that I haven't been able to show you that or tell you that...", she looked around briefly, searching for something that could maybe reconcile the damage that had been done years ago. "Maybe we'll go out and I'll buy you some new clothes, does that sound good?"
Kelsie pushed away from her and stared at her incredulously. "What did you say?"
Her mother looked unstable and unsure of if she should say it again. "We'll take a day or two and go shopping and I'll buy you all new stuff!"
Kelsie felt her eyes well up again. She scooted herself out of the booth in the kitchen and stared down at her parents. "You can't BUY love, mom.", she shook her head. "I don't want NEW clothes, I don't want new ANYTHING. I just want you to tell me you love me and act like you're half interested in my life!! It's not that hard to do, but obviously I'm a burden to you."
Her father spoke up when her mother was speechless. "Kelsie, you are not a BURDEN to us. You are our child."
She gave him a cold look. "What's my boyfriend's name, Dad?"
Her father gave her an amused look. "You think I don't know what goes on in my own daughter's life? Justin Timberlake and he's in the pop group NSYNC."
She placed her arms on her hips. She wasn't convinced. "How long have we been together?"
"A couple months."
Kelsie put the weight on her left leg. "How MANY months, Dad?"
"Two."
She started to choke up pretty badly and had to clear her throat before she corrected him. "Almost five, thanks for noticing. Did it also slip your mind that I turned 19 back in February or that I've been gone on tour with Justin since earlier than May? Because I think I've seen you guys maybe once in that whole duration."
By this time, Kelsie's mom was crying and her father was rubbing his face in his hands, like he was trying to rid it of the grime or sins. Her mom finally got out of her seat and just wrapped her arms around her daughter's body. When Kelsie didn't do anything but stand there limply, her mother held her tighter, rocking her back and forth humming a tune in her ear, one which Kelsie faintly remembered.
It was the lullaby she was rocked to sleep as when she was just a baby.
Through her tears, her mother's soft voice echoed in her ear. "I remember when you were five and you beat out those ten year olds to win that competition for State Regionals. And then when you and Katherine were playing on the playground in fourth grade and that boy pushed her down. You went right up to him and told him that he should listen to his mommy more because that wasn't nice.", her mom smiled as the memories flooded her brain. "Mrs. Starks always talked so highly of you, too, Kels. She would go on and on about how motivated and how wonderful you were. I didn't think I could get much prouder of you. But you proved me the hell wrong because you went off and you made yourself so successful in dance. You've accomplished things that girls DREAM off. I wished I had paid more attention to what Mrs. Starks had to say...because she believed in you from the very beginning and now look at you! You're a STAR, Kelsie Lyn ... and if the world hasn't seen it yet it doesn't matter because you are MY STAR." She squeezed her tighter, the tears unable to be controlled. "I LOVE YOU.".
Kelsie's bottom lip began to quiver and her cheeks flushed and shined with the wetness the salty droplets of water provided. Her arms raised to wrap around her mom's frame and finally gave in. Not long after, her father got up and joined in the group effort.
Kelsie realized something that night...her parents did love her, they just needed to be pushed a little. And she came to know what Justin had been trying to make her see all along. No one was perfect. Perfection couldn't be achieved like Kelsie wanted it to be...in the family sense. Her family already was perfect...in their own quacky ways.
A clean slate had just been presented in front of the three of them and each made it a vow in their hearts to not take it for granted, but to use it and treasure it. This was a new beginning for them and they were all more than willing to accept the challenge.
_________________________________________________________________________________
(late October)
Justin sat hunched over the small table in the moving tour bus, his eyes squinting through his reading glasses at the words that his pen was furiously scribbling on the piece of paper in front of him. His left hand was buried in his hair and he held his weight up by leaning on that elbow. A Stevie Wonder CD was being played in the background, helping him with the writers' block and a recent picture of Kelsie and himself was sitting on the table next to him.
Vacation was long over, the group was touring yet again for the second leg and things were going fairly well in his life. The rumors had come to a complete halt, he hadn't heard from Chloe in over three months and he was being treated with respect again. The only bad thing going for him was Kelsie...
She was gone. And he missed her terribly. It was so hard to walk on the tour bus and her not being there, or being on stage in mid-performance and not seeing her on the side when he glanced over for a smile. Sure, they still talked on the phone every night for hours but her absence from the tour and his life was the single most hardest thing he'd ever had to deal with.
See, she had gotten a new "gig" in early September. It wasn't huge, it was with an up 'n comer who needed a lot of work with choreography and Kelsie's agent Rick had set her up with him when the singer's management had called to see if they could grab her. Kelsie WAS the best at what she did and after the huge success that was the NSYNC tour, EVERYONE tried to jump on the Kelsie Meyers boat. She had been VERY busy.
Justin was upset that she had to go, but he knew he couldn't hold her back from her career. Having her gone made him want to hold onto her even more when they talked on the phone or when he saw her again. She was getting a break soon and was coming up to visit the tour for a couple of weeks...but he was planning a surprise visit to her house for their sixth month anniversary, which was rapidly approaching. At night when he talked to her, it was like a healing of all things gone bad in his day. Hearing her voice was probably the single most thing that got him through each day and hearing how excited she was over her accomplishments with this new guy never failed to make him grin. He couldn't help but fall in love with her all over again and ten times harder each new night that passed.
His pen stopped and he stared into space for a moment, lost in thought. So lost, that he didn't see JC come up and sit down in front of him. "Whatcha doin'?"
Justin came to and looked at JC strangely for a moment and looked down at his paper. "I'm finishing up my song."
JC reached over to drag the sheet over to him. "Can I look?"
Justin nodded and took this time to stretch out his arms with a yawn. "I'm stuck on this one part.", he pointed to where he left off -- a line that was mainly crossed out, seven times. "You're good at making hooks...what do you think?"
JC studied the paper for a few minutes and then glanced up at his friend with a smile. "This is really good. About Kels?"
A dreamy expression slid onto Justin's face and he smiled with a nod. "Every word of it is true." He sighed. "But what can I do about that line? I hate it and I need it to be perfect."
JC closed his eyes and thought briefly, looked at the paper, thought again and finally smiled at Justin. He took the pen from him and scribbled down on the looseleaf. "How about doing this?"
Justin smiled ear to ear at what he read and shook his head in disbelief. "Just like that? You got it just like that? Uggh, sometimes I hate you! But it's perfect. Thanks."
JC stood up and, with a nod, answered softly. "No prob. It's a great song, Justin. Really is, she'll love it."
"I want to record it....and I want a special guest to star in it..."
JC's eyebrow lifted. "Who?"
If JC was looking for an answer, the best one -- and only one -- he got out of Justin was a smile.
__________________________________________________________________________________
(November 9)
Kelsie unlocked her front door and kicked it open with her foot. Her arms were struggling to hold the mail, her duffel bag, jacket and a cherry Slurpee, but she managed to make it inside before dropping the mail all over the floor. "Ohh COME ON DAY. WORK with me here!"
It was still early noon and she just couldn't wait to call Justin. She was supposed to have flown up to New Jersey, where they were playing last night but she got held up with her new project. Today was her and Justin's six month anniversary and the papers all over the floor, especially the papers with very high phone bill prices printed on them, could wait. She threw the bag and jacket on the staircase and raced to the phone.
Swallowing one last gulp of her Slurpee before tossing it in the garbage can, she cradled the phone on her shoulder. The only weird part was that there was no dial tone. Kelsie's eyebrows lowered. "Hello?"
She heard a voice echo her back. "Hello?"
She jumped in startlement when the voice kept talking. "Well, now that is just weird."
Once the realization set in, she laughed and relaxed her muscles. "Justin you scared the crap out of me. What happened?"
"I was calling you."
"I was calling YOU but I never got to dial because you were already on the phone.",she laughed.
His laugh was low and sultry and it sent chills down her spine. God, she missed him. "I'm always on top of things."
The way he said that was enough to make her melt but she clenced her jaw and held her composure. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Well, happy anniversary my dear. I thought you were coming to see me?", he whined out and she could SEE that pout on his lips. His lips...how bad she'd love to taste those lips...
"Justin, don't make me feel guilty. I can't help it -- it's my job. I feel horrible though, if it makes you feel better."
He snickered. "A little..."
She started to say something smart back to that, but was cut off by the ever annoying call waiting beep. "Hold on a sec, babe, got a beep." She clicked over to the other line and was greeted by her mother's rushed voice.
"Hey honey! I'm leaving the office early today so we can do something. Do you want me to stop and pick up a movie or some food or something?"
Kelsie smiled. Her parents and her had been getting along really great since that night she told them her feelings. They even had a designated night each week where they'd spend the whole day together and do things like go to the park or play a board game. And they even ate dinner together a lot more than in the past. It was what she always wanted. "It's me and Justin's anniversary today, mom. I think I'm gonna be on the phone with him for awhile tonight but if you want to get a movie, that's fine!"
"Oh dear, I'm sorry that I forgot!! Tell him I said hello! See you soon, Kelsie!"
She heard her mother hang up so she clicked back over to Justin. "Sorry about that, it was my mom. She says hi."
He smiled. It was good to know she had worked things out with her parents. "It's okay. So as I was saying, what are you going to do tonight without me to celebrate OUR special day?"
Kelsie sighed and sunk into the kitchen chair. "Well I thought I'd go out to this new strip club that opened up downtown. I think they're having a special tonight -- male dancers only. Maybe I'll get wasted too.", she grinned. "What are you doing?"
"Well then.", he paused. "I'M going to this party with JC's brothers girlfriend....and....and...", he sighed. "And I'll probably be thinking about you and your male strippers and how I'm missing out on being with you."
Her heart started sweating as the words drifted out of his lips. "Ooooh, I hate when you d---", she groaned when she heard another beep. "Ugggh! Hold on again, this better be important."
She clicked over again. "Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Umm who is this?", she started to asked while craning her neck around to look out the window. She could have sworn she saw someone outside her house.
"Kelsie?", the familiar voice asked. "Oops, I meant to call Kat." JC laughed. "Sorry about that, gotta fix those speed dial numbers...Talk to you later...Oh! Happy anniversary! Bye!"
Kelsie rolled her eyes. "Thanks, bye JC."
She pressed FLASH again and moaned into Justin's ear. "JCCCC."
Justin's eyebrows raised. "What? Is he over there? That son of a ---"
Kelsie chuckled at his sudden jealousy. "Anyway, how's the tour going?"
"Not as good as when you were here. We're not focusing quite as much, but Wade's been getting on our cases, don't worry.", he paused. "I miss you, Kelsie."
She smiled. "Ohh baby I miss you SO much. Don't you wish we had one of those transporter things like in Star Trek? That'd make things so much more easier."
He laughed. "Definitely would."
She put her hand up to the phone's receiver. "I love you."
"Love you more."
"I'm not even going to try to argue that cus I know you won't let me win..."
Justin grinned. "You know me well."
"Yeah I g--", the doorbell rang right as she was finishing her sentence. "OH MY GOD! STUPID PEOPLE...I just want to talk to you and I keep getting interrupted!! Aaagggh, hold on!"
Kelsie put the phone down and ran to get the door. She should've known what she'd see...
There stood Justin with two dozen roses in his right hand, a CD in the other, a HUGE grin on his face and his cell phone cradled up against his ear. "Hello, hello?", he stared at Kelsie. "I think she hung up on me!"
Kelsie felt her knees get weak and tears well up in her eyes, slid down her cheeks and the smile on her lips expand to her ears. She started crying full out when he leaned over to kiss her cheek. She shook her head and hit his shoulder lightly. "You...bastard..."
He laughed and threw his phone on the stairs, gave her the flowers and stuffed the CD in his pocket for later. "Hmm, usually most boyfriends would get a hug or kiss, but I get that I'm a bastard. Wonder what I did wrong..."
She put down the flowers for now and jumped up in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist and grabbing his head. "You exceeded all expectations, Justin Timberlake. And that's why I love you." She pulled his lips up towards hers and melted into him when he responded with just as much desparation as she had.
Their kiss was powerful enough to rock the Earth right off of its axis, but that wouldn't stop them. Kelsie's hair was hanging loose on both sides of his head, blocking his eyes from seeing anything. Not that he would have opened them anyway. One of his arms came off her bottom where it had been supporting her legs to push away the strands in his face and gently trace over her cheeks, before pulling her closer.
It lasted for several more minutes, before they ran out of air supply. When she finally broke away from him and smiled in his eyes, he kissed her cheek and spun her around in his arms. "You taste like cherries."
She grinned. "I had a Slurpee.", she hugged him hard. "I'm so glad you're here..."
"I am too.", he put her down and grabbed the roses to put them in water. "My plane goes back to Long Island tomorrow at like 1. I'm missing the soundcheck, but I have to be there for the show...", he touched her face. "Come with me."
She smiled. "I will."
He kissed her lips again, softly, and grabbed her hand. "Great...", he pulled out the CD from his pocket. "I made you something. I think we're going to put it on the new album."
Kelsie took it and opened it up to find a blank CD. "Let's listen to it. Come on, the stereo in my room has the best sound."
Once they were up there, Kelsie placed it in the CD deck and raised the volume loud enough so it could echo through the house and pressed play. Then she jumped in Justin's lap and leaned against him with his arms around his waist and his chin resting on her head. His voice was quiet as the song started. "I wrote it because of you...and I got Stevie Wonder to play on it, I couldn't believe he agreed... It came together so fast..."
Kelsie looked up at him with a smile. "I bet it'll be amazing."
Their voices faded out as the music got louder. And Kelsie faded into a wonderful utopia as her boyfriend's gorgeous voice surrounded her completely. She was captivated by the passion in his lyrics and the sweetness the harmonica brang to the song. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek and melt into her skin, just as the words melted into her heart...
Cause something happens when you look at me I forget to speak.
Something happens when you kiss my mouth my knees get so weak.
Could it be true this is what God has meant for me cause baby
I can't believe that something like you could happen to me
Something like you
Kelsie wasn't sure if she should look up at him because of how much she was silently crying by now, but the curiousity as to what his reaction was. She slowly glanced quickly, but he was staring right at her, singing along with his recorded voice.
With you by my side
I can do anything
I don't care what tomorrow brings
As long as we're together.
My heart is telling me
That you could be my meant to be
I know it more each time we touch…
She shook her head slightly to herself, remembering back to when they first met and how they never got along. How far they had come since then was still a question she had a hard time understanding. Sometimes it was weird to her how they came together like they had and she had to thank Kat for forcing her to agree to sign on as the choreographer for their tour. The important thing, now, was that they had come together to form a bond that was indestructable.
Something magical,
something spiritual,
Something stronger than the two of us alone.
Something physical,
Something undeniable.
Nothing like anything that I've ever known...
She squeezed his hands and felt his arms tighten around her waist. His lips pressed against her head gently in a gesture of honesty. She didn't care if she never looked at another man again, because Justin was it for her. And that...made her happy.
Can't believe that you happened to me
The whole world was staring them in the face and they would tackle it together. There were no boundaries this time because their relationship was being opened to brand new possibilities, brand new experiences, and lots of happiness down the road. It was like they were living in a fairytale...
They had defeated the monsters, climbed to the top of the mountain and staked their flag into the soil. Life was theirs.