3-20-03

^tabicat^(17:52 PM) :
Hey sis see what i been makin'?

http://www.geocities.com/outerbohemia/home.html

My new business. I hope to heaven it takes off before i am evicted and starve, not necessarily in that order. Am in serious trouble right now... I do all HTML by hand, no programs, and make my own graphics. It may not be perfect.

jah(17:55 PM) :
am going to have a look...smiles....sorry was getting a coffee

^tabicat^(17:56 PM) :
Thats what im gonna do right now, hon!...*smiles*....

jah(17:57 PM) :
what a great site.........i really hope it takes off for you....i really do.......
that site is amazing ....i am so useless with puters

^tabicat^(17:59 PM) :
Oh sis its what i do now. I was the arson thats spoken of. I lived through it but 5 of my loved ones (non-human) were in there. Its led me to a very very hard last 3 1/2 years....
I have to do something. And i wish i’d thought of this before i got into such a bad situation.

jah(18:00 PM) :
i am confused sis.....what arson that is spoken of?

^tabicat^(18:00 PM) :
Under the PayPal stuff on the page.

jah(18:01 PM) :
that site won't let me in sis

^tabicat^(18:01 PM) :
What does it say to you?...*puzzled*

jah(18:02 PM) :
to register

^tabicat^(18:02 PM) :
Did You click the “Five Angels Arson Relief”button to see it? It may be my HTML...
^tabicat^(18:02 PM) :
To register for paypal?

jah(18:02 PM) :
yes sis.....asking me to register before it will allow me to enter
jah(18:03 PM) :
found it now...i just didn't scroll down enough....it's loading now

^tabicat^(18:03 PM) :
Ohh paypal isnt where the arson site is. Thats how people would be paying for copywriting services...I have a link to the arson site to read about it. I think i have more work to do to clarify the info on the Outer Bohemia site...
^tabicat^(18:04 PM) :
It loads slowly, especially the opening page. I linked to the Lynx (Links) page because thats the most obvious donation link at the bottom of it. But the main opening page is this:

https://www.angelfire.com/journal2/arsonbad/index.html

jah(18:05 PM) :
so you run this organisation sis?
jah(18:05 PM) :
thank you.....hugs

^tabicat^(18:05 PM) :
It will tell you basically what happened. I need badly to update it now though., Its badly out of date. I am back home in Virginia now...
^tabicat^(18:07 PM) :
I do, Sis...ive had to. I suffered a very severe post traumatic syndrome that has kept me from being able to work like most people. i am too easily broken down by stress, and its very hard for me....It was horrific, and it scarred me inside badly...But if i can become secure financially somehow, i will be able to heal the rest of the way. The stress keeps me in a circle...*hugs you snug*
^tabicat^(18:08 PM) :
The woman who committed this crime gets out of prison in October......already.

jah(18:08 PM) : that is so bad.....i'm sorry she is being realeased so soon sis.....i really am.....that must hurt you even more deeply

^tabicat^(18:09 PM) :
My best friends ever in my life died in that fire. Friends i had had as my only family for upwards of 10 years...though they were not human in species....i loved them with my very life.
^tabicat^(18:10 PM) :
It does....and we never had justice. They plea-bargained....She never spent a day for their lives. Just for the actual burning of the old house, and the attempt against her boyfriend’s life. They had lived beside me, upstairs. She set His mattress on fire at 2am.

jah(18:10 PM) :
smiles as i pat my baby......she is a blue heeler sis....and 16 years old.....i love her with all that i am......so i know just how you feel about that part of it

^tabicat^(18:11 PM) :
It destroyed my life utterly...my will to live even. Only for my son have i been able to try to keep going, and come to this point where i can laugh some, and smile, and move ahead.

jah(18:12 PM) :
how old is your son if i may ask?

^tabicat^(18:12 PM) :
Oh hon.....Just today, i got word of a little Chow-Aussie Shepherd....12 weeks of age, in one of my animal rescue groups....I am so excited, and i dont know why no other dog has been this focal for me since Captain’s death....This little fella!...OH i am so excited to see him! :)
^tabicat^(18:12 PM) :
He is 20 now...*s*...He has a kind of a borderline autism from childhood, though he is much better as he gets older.

jah(18:13 PM) :
i'm so happy for you...i believe our pets choose us sis....we don't chose them if ther eis love in our hearts

^tabicat^(18:13 PM) :
Captain was my sunshine...my happiness. I never went anywhere without Him by my side...*softly to you...smiles*...what is your little guy’s name?
^tabicat^(18:14 PM) :
OMG sis....I have lost a child too....and i tell you....the pain of the loss is no less.

jah(18:14 PM) :
her name is Joccie.......i walked into a home of a friend and her husband was about to drown the runt of the the litter.......she looked at me and i was captivated totally
jah(18:15 PM) : oh honey...i am so sorry........

^tabicat^(18:15 PM) :
Drown it?? WHY do people DO such horrible things??
^tabicat^(18:15 PM) :
I swear to God i’d have wanted to cut his hands off for trying!

jah(18:15 PM) :
i wish i knew.......if i knew i'd be able to stop it
jah(18:16 PM) :
it ended a friendship sis.......

^tabicat^(18:16 PM) :
Has that man any idea what it feels like to DROWN?
^tabicat^(18:16 PM) :
No little animal deserves such an ending.

jah(18:16 PM) :
no animal or human sis......never.....

^tabicat^(18:17 PM) :
I bet it did, hon...Did you take the little girl home peaceful like, or in a hail of anger?
^tabicat^(18:17 PM) :
He needs to be reported. Even if it was 16 years ago. He may have drowned many animals in those years by now.

jah(18:18 PM) :
i had anger for about 2 minutes....till i got into the car and she looked at me.......i knew that anger wouldn't do a thing then...she was all that mattered and her life was to be cherished

^tabicat^(18:18 PM) :
Sis i love all species that way....even my own...*giggles a little*...despite how nasty some of them can be.
^tabicat^(18:18 PM) :
You have a devoted friend....and i tell you....she knows you saved her life. ^tabicat^(18:18 PM) :
They have incredible memories from the start, unlike us.

jah(18:18 PM) :
i did report him....the RSPCA (animal shelter) took him to court about 3 years later and he is banned from owning animals....it wasn't from jmy report they got him though

^tabicat^(18:19 PM) :
GOOD, sis!!! Good!....Oh i am so relieved!

jah(18:19 PM) :
i think she does know sis......i really do...she is such a friend and always has been

^tabicat^(18:19 PM) :
What a monster. I never call people like that “animals”. They are beneath any life form, in my eyes.
^tabicat^(18:20 PM) :
Aww sis....*smiles, very warmed by this*

jah(18:20 PM) :
how right you are....i just knew you had a gentle soul ....smiles....how right i was

^tabicat^(18:20 PM) :
Bless her little heart. A dog like that is invaluable...There is no price anyone can put on them to us.

jah(18:20 PM) :
if anyone offered a price...i couldn't put one on just the memories alone

^tabicat^(18:22 PM) :
yes sis, im afraid i am terribly sensitive. i feel i have a mental connection to most of them. I can never fault a domestic animals behavior. It is usually brought on, if bad, by neglect by people, or by abuse by a human. Its almost never the animal’s natural state.

jah(18:22 PM) :
i have read some more of your pages...oh sis......the pain you must have felt and still feel just bought tears to my eyes

^tabicat^(18:23 PM) :
I was saying that to myself today sis, when talking to Captain’s spirit, cause i felt Him here today. I would do it all over again, even if the ending were the same, just to have known and loved and been loved by my beautiful soul, Captain Dogg.

jah(18:23 PM) :
how right you are.......my baby won't go on the road even if her ball is in the middle of the road...it's about how we treat them from the moment we are gifted with them

^tabicat^(18:23 PM) :
Oh sis...He came to me in such terrible shape....In 6 months, i didnt even need a leash for Him. He was a magnificent and loving soul.

jah(18:24 PM) :
i believe the spirit of our loved ones are treated the same as ours are sis.....they come and visit just as we do when our time has passed
jah(18:25 PM) :
hugs you so tight.............i can imagine the way you would treat a friend sis...the way you treat me reflects that

^tabicat^(18:25 PM) :
I tell you....i’d stay in that fire this time...because i know they would have come in to get me. They didnt even try to save Captain and Berkeley and Monstrous Ellen and Timorie and Sweet Jane....They just kept passing the door by while i screamed outside., They wouldnt let me back in. I fought, cause they wouldnt go in....
^tabicat^(18:26 PM) :
sis i cant treat anyone any different than i’d wish to be treated. I have both thanked and cursed God for the gift-curse.

jah(18:26 PM) :
that really is horrible sis...but i believe they are not angry with you one bit....they would have heard your cries

^tabicat^(18:26 PM) :
Sometimes i wish i could be cold. It would hurt far less.

jah(18:26 PM) :
nods understanding......i feel the same at times

^tabicat^(18:27 PM) :
Love that little Joccie....*nods*...she is your heaven-sent angel...Literally.

jah(18:28 PM) :
she certainly is sis......one that i treasure daily........

^tabicat^(18:28 PM) :
i have the VERY strong feeling that this little dog i am so unexplainedly struck by.....is my Captain again....*a tingling excitement at the thought*...I believe he has found me, through those mystifying means that the higher powers arrange for us....

jah(18:28 PM) :
oh how wonderful that would be sis......that crossed my mind when you spoke of him before
jah(18:29 PM) :
you will know the moment you see him...the presence will be there

^tabicat^(18:30 PM) :
They can reach us by thought, whether in a life form or spiritual...*nods*...It very well could have been Him, happily telling me to check my email...*laughs*...He seemed very happy...and i noticed He felt beautiful...as if he were in the best condition of his life...Its hard to explain. I was very conscious of His thick, fluffy fur...in summer coat....
^tabicat^(18:31 PM) :
I saw his pic....and it didnt even hit me at that moment that it might be Captain.....Not til later....when i started wondering why i am so excited at finding this little guy in my mail....

jah(18:31 PM) :
thinks........

^tabicat^(18:31 PM) :
I’ll show you!...*beams*...i have his pic. They call Him Brutus....

jah(18:31 PM) :
i have a feeling that you have him back sis
jah(18:32 PM) :
would love to see it please

^tabicat^(18:32 PM) :
*smiles*...and only now do i see the similarities in He and Captain....
^tabicat^(18:33 PM) :
OH isnt he PRECIOUS!?...*looking at him again with great loving eyes*

jah(18:34 PM) :
OMG...he is wonderful sis.....and he is YOURS........

^tabicat^(18:34 PM) :
His ears are drop, like the Aussie Shepherd...His tail is naturally short and nubby, like one...I had a pure Aussie Shepherd once named Balrog....what an awesome dog He was!

jah(18:35 PM) :
this little ffellow has something special sis....i can see it in his eyes

^tabicat^(18:35 PM) :
Oh sis i cannot believe it! I see Captain in that little face! He smiles like Him, and they say he is such a sweet, happy little guy! He was abandoned in an apartment when his people were evicted....

jah(18:35 PM) :
and his smile
jah(18:35 PM) :
how can anyone do that to a baby like that.....

^tabicat^(18:36 PM) :
I know it has to be...*so happy*...i just hope i can hold things together without any resources, so i can have Him....I have waited so long!
^tabicat^(18:36 PM) :
I have no idea....what an angel....*heart melting*

jah(18:36 PM) :
oh sis......is there no one that can help you

^tabicat^(18:36 PM) :
Let me show you Captain’s smile...*sparkling grin*

jah(18:36 PM) :
my heart is melting for you.....
jah(18:36 PM) :
thank you....i'd love to see him

^tabicat^(18:37 PM) :
No sis...i am on my own, unfortunately. I have been to everyone...Salvation Army, Red Cross, special groups, public assistance. I have no underage kids....so i dont count, on my own, it seems.
^tabicat^(18:37 PM) :
Anyway, here comes Captain Dogg! *laughs a little*

jah(18:38 PM) :
that is terrible...does your son live with you?

^tabicat^(18:39 PM) :
Yes, but i take care of him a lot.....He cant help a whole lot, though he works, and hard...*s*..He’s a great boy though...a joy.

jah(18:40 PM) :
i imagine he is sis....smiles

^tabicat^(18:40 PM) :
I have a couple other pics that show different sides of Captain....*s*

jah(18:41 PM) :
he is adorable sis....so proud and what a smile

^tabicat^(18:42 PM) :
He’s a wonderful, open soul...*nods, smiling*...I have been so fortunate to know him...He taught me so much. I am not the same as when i first met him. I am so much better for having known him.
^tabicat^(18:43 PM) :
Thank you sis...*smiles, beaming at my sweet baby’s pic*
^tabicat^(18:43 PM) :
Have you any of Joccie? I’d love to see her...*s*

jah(18:44 PM) :
he is just simply wonderful sis
i don't have any of Joccie on this puter sis...i will scan some later maybe so i can share her with you..........
jah(18:44 PM) :
i bet he was so protective of you

^tabicat^(18:44 PM) :
When i first met Captain everyone was afraid of Him. He had bitten a couple of people, an escape artist. He was kept tied on a tree without shelter. By the time He died, everyone adored Captain. He was so loved that the children in the neighborhood spoke of Him at His funeral.
^tabicat^(18:45 PM) :
I’d love to see her sis!...*S*

jah(18:45 PM) :
it's all about the love we choose to share i believe....that is what makes our friends happy or not happy.................i can see him rolling around with kids
jah(18:47 PM) :
if we share our joy and offer them thanks for sharing our lives...they are so responsive

^tabicat^(18:48 PM) :
hold on sis, phone, important

jah(18:49 PM) :
no prob

^tabicat^(19:25 PM) :
Ok sis sorry. That was my friend trying to help me through yet another loss. Many of the family tapes i dug out of that rubble were just seized in a U-Haul storage unit auction when i could no longer afford to pay the rental (over Christmas when we didnt even have a tree, last year, after crelocating back to my hometown). They didnt even let me come get those, though no one could make any money on them. ^tabicat^(19:26 PM) :
Tapes of Captain and all...everyone.

jah(19:27 PM) :
oh sis....that is terrible.....i am so sorry

^tabicat^(19:27 PM) :
i cannot get them back now. The people who bopught it just threw them out and will not respond through U-Haul to my pleas....
^tabicat^(19:27 PM) :
I cannot believe the callousness of people.
^tabicat^(19:27 PM) :
I cannot replace those. I lost so much in that fire....now this.

jah(19:27 PM) :
just simply shakes my head...how do these people sleep at night

^tabicat^(19:28 PM) :
I dont know sis. I ask myself that....i have no answers anymore.

jah(19:28 PM) :
is there nothing you can do at all? you can't go get them from the trash even?

^tabicat^(19:29 PM) :
No one will tell me where they were disposed of.

jah(19:29 PM) :
yes...r/p is a great diversion

^tabicat^(19:31 PM) :
It is...*nods*...and i dont ask from anyone. i always took care of myself and my own. Its much harder after this. I cant sleep like other people. Its one reason i am up in the wee hours when friends are on. I cant sleep between 1am and 6am well. That too, was when the whole episode took place. The doc said my mind wont allow me to sleep then, afraid of recurrence and being ill-prepared again, to be woken that way.

jah(19:33 PM) :
nods........that is one of the things that will stay with you for a long time sis...maybe always.........PTSD is a terrible thing i imagine

^tabicat^(19:33 PM) : *nods* Its scary. I started smoking again after the fire, after everyone had died. I didnt care anymore. I hadnt smoked for 13 years before that. I was a health nut at that time, working out 4 hours a night. But afterward, i just stopped caring. i couldnt make myself care. Now i cant quit....
^tabicat^(19:34 PM) :
I care...but i am so dependent on smokes now...i have to quit them somehow.

jah(19:34 PM) :
i do understand sis.....its ok.....so am i right now......and it is a terrible thing really...but for now..i accept it.....when the time is right i'll stop again....like you....i gave up and had a bad situation and started smoking again

^tabicat^(19:43 PM) :
He said if i take my last $2.00 to him, he’ll let me pay him later for one pack. That’d get me through to tomorrow afternoon i think. I smoke far too much these days, so stressed...
^tabicat^(19:44 PM) :
They cost a little more than twice that...

jah(19:45 PM) :
hugs you right back.,......i know in my heart you'd do it for me without a econd thought if you could...
when do you sleep?

^tabicat^(19:46 PM) :
You’re an angel!...*laughs with fondness*...i dont know how it was that we struck up such a kinship, but i guess like knows like when they meet...*S*
^tabicat^(19:46 PM) :
You bet i would...i tend to do things like that for people too when i can...when i have anything to spare, im pretty generous. Maybe its why we always live with so little...*chuckles*
^tabicat^(19:47 PM) :
Usually whenever i get sleepy. I cant unless im really tired. Not usually more than 6 hours a day, in two to three hour naps. Usually when friends aren't around....when they're at work, or sleeping too.

jah(19:47 PM) :
we met because we were ment to meet....and that is the way it will be thru all of life.....

^tabicat^(19:48 PM) :
Everything happens for a reason...*softly, nods*

jah(19:48 PM) :
sweetie...........i wish you could sleep more......to pass some time in about 3 hours if your awake...come visit me online.

^tabicat^(19:48 PM) :
Even the arson, though i couldnt be expected to know just why, just yet...though i do know one reason why.
^tabicat^(19:48 PM) :
I will sis...*smiles*...

jah(19:49 PM) :
sometimes the lessons from it come many years later
jah(19:49 PM) :
i hope you do...

^tabicat^(19:51 PM) :
My mother and i and sisters and brothers had been estranged for 4 years. They were severely alcoholic, combative and disfunctional. I left them finally, having to, to preserve myself. I tried for so many years. When i saw Mom again after the arson (i called her during it.....hysterical....i dont even know how i remembered her number during it all), she had quit drinking after over 30 years of severe alcoholism and abuse.....and was the mother i remembered from my early childhood again.....she and i are best friends now...*beams softly*...if it hadnt happened....we still would be out of touch. She is on SSI and total Disability, with 4 major bone diseases now. She can't do much to help me, but that's OK. She raised me, and she was a wonderful Mom when she was well, and now again. :)

jah(19:52 PM) :
that is somthing good that came fromit at least hon.......
what a wonderful thing that her life is turned around again..........there is always good in all tragedies

^tabicat^(19:53 PM) :
She is the blessing of my life now...and my beautiful little sisters, and my two brothers too, whom i knew would have died like their father in a few years from it, followed her example, finding the strength in their mother’s resolve, and quit too. My family is back....sane and well and happy and SOooo very beautiful again...*s* ^tabicat^(19:53 PM) :
Oh hon.........she had died on the operating table when her stomach ruptured from within.......they were doing emergency surgery...They got her back to life. She changed after that. She had a near death experience while she was gone. It had been a bleeding ulcer. It burst.

jah(19:54 PM) :
that is so wonderful though hon....the experience although hard for her was one that has bought many blessings

^tabicat^(19:54 PM) :
You would adore her if you knew her now. What a bright bright soul she is too. So blessed that she is back and well. And my beloved little sisters and brothers.
^tabicat^(19:55 PM) :
Yes sis...*beams*....this has been the only bright spot in the whole tragedy....but, what a bright spot it is...*vbs*

jah(19:55 PM) :
smiles so warmly.....that really is wonderful to hear....

^tabicat^(19:56 PM) :
And OH i have...*counts*.....three nieces and one little nephew now i had never met til we all came back together again...How lovely they are, and how they love their ol’Aunt Crickitt...*vbs*

jah(19:57 PM) :
i like that nme Crickitt.....grins...it suits you
jah(19:57 PM) :
i have a wonderful family as well........they are so close to me and i adore them all

^tabicat^(19:57 PM) :
*laughs*...aww it started when i was a kid...*lol!...Grampa laughed because out of 7 kids, i am the only dark brunette, and He said i hopped around like a cricket among all the blonde siblings...lol!
^tabicat^(19:58 PM) :
How many sisters and brothers, sis?..*vbs*

jah(19:59 PM) :
laffs....how cute is that?? i have 2 sisters and one brother.........my Dad dies when i was 10 and my Mum is almost ready to pass over now....which is why i am living here now

^tabicat^(19:59 PM) :
Oh sis....*softly*...im so sorry...How old is she? Is she ill?

jah(20:00 PM) : she is 76 and yes very ill sis...they expected her to die years ago....but she didn't.....and that was 4 years back....each day is a blessing....

^tabicat^(20:00 PM) :
My father died in the Navy overseas when i was a year and a half old. I had taken entirely after Him....so none of the others really understood my quiet artistic sensitive ways. The others are rowdy and earthy, and i adore them too...*laughs a little*
^tabicat^(20:01 PM) :
Oh sis....You are a good daughter to stay there with her and care for her in her later years.....God bless you....

jah(20:02 PM) :
smiles........i have no artistic abilities really...... i was the baby of the family and Dad and i were very close....i took his role when he died....she is worth everything i can give her right now sis and much more i want to give her

^tabicat^(20:03 PM) :
I know what you mean...*softly*...believe me, i do........i have cared for my mother as i know my father would have me do. He loved her so much...so deeply. They were together 9 years, from the time she was 13 and He 15....

jah(20:03 PM) :
oh really wow...young love....smiles

^tabicat^(20:04 PM) :
Then he was killed in Iskenduren Bay, Turkey...was overcome by fumes in sea water and jet fuel on a rescue mission.

jah(20:04 PM) :
oh sis...i am sorry to hear that....it is difficult when it happens so young....no wonder your Mom was drinking

^tabicat^(20:05 PM) :
Yes....and very deep. They were so in love. They wanted 13 kids, sis!...*laughing*...they had planned their third when he came home from the cruise. But it wasnt to be. There are two of us, His kids. The later 5 came from my mother and my beloved stepdad, who was a wonderful, loving, dear Man with a bad alcohol addiction. Raised me as His own from the time i was 5. An angel too, and i know i was blessed to have him, despite the family problems. He taught me so much of what i am now.

jah(20:06 PM) :
sis i have to run soon....i have a lunch date...i haven't showered or anything yet....grins........i'm not keen on going today...but i know i need to get out...this is the first day of my vacation

^tabicat^(20:06 PM) :
She still feels his loss acutely sometimes...*softly*...and it cant help that i look almost just like him.

jah(20:06 PM) :
oh how wonderful.....13 kids though....whew.........laffs

^tabicat^(20:07 PM) :
OK sis!..*laughs*...You go have fun! Ill see you later, ‘k?...*hugs ya tight*

jah(20:07 PM) :
hugs you right back....i will look for you later...i will only be a few hours sis....so if your awake..come talk with jo

^tabicat^(20:08 PM) :
I sure will!...*happily, smootches yer cheek*...Go on with yer bad self now...*giggling*....and pat that sweet Joccie for me! :)

jah(20:08 PM) :
hehehehehe.....always a bad self.....winks
try and sleep if you can sis

^tabicat^(20:08 PM) :
I will...*nods, smilin*

jah(20:08 PM) :
oh i will do that...i've told her all about you already....she smiled

^tabicat^(20:09 PM) :
*laughs*...good!....I’ll send her mental hugs too....she'll get them...*S* Bye for now, Love..*s*

jah(20:08 PM) :
hugs and runs off

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