"Alex?" I peeked into the room and saw her sitting in the middle of the bed, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head resting on them. I walked and sat on the bed next to her. "Baby, what happened?" She didn't look up.
"Lexi?" Chris came in behind me and sat on her other side. After a moment, she looked up, her eyes rimmed with tears, but they looked determined. She had something on her mind and she was going to say it.
"Can you please get everyone in here?" she asked, her voice thick with tears. Chris nodded and disappeared into the hall. After a moment, he came back in, followed by everyone, including Brian, who had sent Kevin back to the boat by himself. Alex took a deep breath and I took hold of her hand. She looked at me and smiled weakly.
"Alex, what's going on?" Elis asked, concerned for her best friend. Alex looked at her and took another deep breath.
"I'm leaving for a awhile," she announced in a soft voice. Everyone just stared at her and my body tensed. "I'm not going with Kevin or you, Brian. I'm just leaving."
"Why?" Roxie interrupted.
"I need to be alone," she said. "To sort out my thoughts. I don't know what's going on anymore and half of that is because of the tour. We've been so busy that I've had no time to sort out anything since I met Kevin and you, Brian."
I sighed, looking at everyone in turn. Mel and Star seemed to understand, Joey had Elis's hand and was just looking at me, a blank expression on his face, Lance nodded slightly in agreeance, Brian sat on the dresser and I could tell he was thinking hard about what'd I said, Roxie stood on Elis's other side, smiling comfortingly at me, and Justin stood behind Mel, just looking at me. When I looked at Elis, she was smiling at me, her look saying everything I needed to know. When I looked at Chris, he looked back at me with the exact look that I expected from him. He was smiling at me, like the understanding, brotherly type I knew he'd be, like he always had been. Then, I looked at JC. He wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were aimed at the floor, staring at the rug. I could tell he wasn't happy, but he wasn't mad. He was . . . upset.
"Guys," I said, looking at the others, "can I talk to JC for a moment?" They all looked back and forth between the two of us and nodded understandingly. Kissing me on the cheek, Chris was the first to make a move to leave. he herded the others out the door with him, shutting it softly behind him. Taking a deep breath, I put my hand under JC's chin and gently moved it so he was looking at me . . . well, he would have been looking at me if his eyes weren't still aimed down. "Baby, I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek, making my heart ache. "Jay, please talk to me."
"What's going to happen between us?" he asked, his voice no higher than a whisper. That stopped me cold. I wasn't expecting something like this. I thought "awhile" would probably end up being a few days, but now . . . now I realized that it would be longer than that. It would probably end up being a few weeks, maybe even months, before I got everything sorted out. I looked down at my hands.
"I don't know," I said, tears springing to my eyes. Neither of us said anything for a few moments. Neither of us could speak. There was so much tension in the room that neither of us dared to say anything in fear of what it might result to.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to face her. Slowly taking her hand in mine, I looked up into her tear filled eyes. She looked so confused, so . . . lost. Sighing, I realized I was doing the right thing, no matter how much it hurt.
"Lexi, I don't know what to tell you," I said, honestly. "My heart doesn't want to let you go. I just want to scoop you up in my arms and hold you, never letting go. I want to be able to make all your problems disappear." I sighed and blinked back another wave of tears.
"Baby, I know you want to help me and if that would happen, if you could just scoop me up in your arms and make everything okay, you know I'd let you do it, happily, might I add," she sighed, looking down at our entwined fingers, "but you know that's not possible. I want nothing more than to sit in your arms day and night, pretending everything's alright, but I can't." I sighed, squeezing her hand. She squeezed mine back and I realized she was shaking.
"Baby, listen to me." She looked up at me, her green eyes begging me to understand. "I know what you have to do and I'm going to have to respect that. As much as I don't want you to leave, it wouldn't be right to make you stay because of me." I paused for a moment, my middle finger playing with her engagement ring. At that moment, my heart stopped. I realized, at that moment, that whatever she decided could change everything. her feelings for me, as long as her friendships with the others, were in a state of peril.
But I can't force anything on her, I thought, making myself stay calm. I have to respect her choices. Whatever she decides, I have to be behind her, or I'll lose her. I can't let that happen.
"Lexi, before I let you go, can you promise me one thing?" She swallowed hard and nodded, her eyes not breaking contact with mine. "No matter what happens, no matter what you decide, I am always here for you. I will always be you friend and I will always, always love you." She attempted a smile, but failed. A tear falling down her cheek, she slowly took her hand away from mine and took a long lok at her engagement ring. Sighing and blinking back tears, she started to pull the ring off her finger, her hand shaking terribly. I put my hand on hers'. "Don't." She looked up at me. "Keep it to remember me by. Anytime you need anything, you can look at it and remember that I'm here for you." I smiled weakly, trying to lighten the mood. "Who knows, it might bring you good luck." She smiled weakly at me, pushing the ring back on her finger.
Then, I did the hardest thing I had ever done. "I'll miss you," I said, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat. Kissing her cheek, I savored the moment, knowing that it would be our last for awhile . . . and maybe forever. Barely being able to stop myself from gathering her up in my arms and begging her to stay, I stood up. Cupping her chin in my hand, I tilted her head so our eyes met. We gazed at each other for a moment, then I smiled weakly and turned to walk out the room.
As soon as I got out of the room, I shut the door and leaned my back against it. Sliding down the door, my knees up to my chest, I began to sob. I could hear Alex's faint sobs through the thin wood of the door.