The weather outside made the funeral seem like it was only supposed to be a myth. The sun was shining, brighter than I had seen it in years in Philly, where the overcast clouds had come to be expected. There was a cool breeze outside, sending a chill up my arms when I’d walked out of my house this morning, the sheer sleeves on my black dress barely doing nothing for the cold feeling that had settled inside my stomach. There were little white, puffy clouds in the sky and even the humidity was down to a normal temperature.

There was one thing off, sadly, which seemed to make the defeaning silence in my heart become louder. There were no birds chirping, no chattering of the neighborly squirrels, no raccoons roaming through the trash. It seemed to me that all the animals knew something wasn’t right. When I had looked up into the trees, I had seen some of them sitting there, unmoving on the branch or from their hole. It was like they had been watching me . . . to see what I would do . . .

“You okay, baby?” I blinked a few times and turned my head slowly in JC’s direction. After gazing blindly at him for a few moments, I nodded.

“No,” I said, softly, “but I will be.” Smiling comfortingly, he took my hand in his and squeezed it. I squeezed back so lightly I could barely feel it myself. I looked at him for a moment. Actually, I looked past him. People were filing into the synogogue, no one saying a word, probably afraid that something would come out wrong and either Josh, Chris, or I would get upset.

“L-lexi?” A small voice made me turn around in my chair. My eyes filled with tears as peered up at the girl behind me.

“Jamie,” I said, softly as I got up, my hand slipped out of JC’s. I wrapped the taller girl in a hug as she cried on my shoulder. I blinked back the tear that threatened to fall. I was surprised I had any left . . .

After the viewing last night, JC drove me home. As soon as I got to my room, I was in JC’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. It took me a long while, but I eventually fell asleep, silent tears still streaming down my cheeks. Jay had kept himself awake the whole time so I wouldn’t feel alone. He fell asleep only as little while after me.

I woke up around 3AM, though, and wasn’t able to fall back asleep. Sighing, I kissed the sleeping JC on the forhead before slipping out of his arms and off the bed. Throwing on a blue terryclothe robe and slippers, I shuffled my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, looking for something to put me back to sleep – milk, pills, anything that would let me get some rest. Instead, I found Chris, sitting at the table, his head in his hands. He didn’t noticed my presence until I put a hand on his arm and squeezed. Looking up slowly, he smiled slightly and sighed.

“Hi,” he said, softly. I smiled back compassionately and he took my hand in his.

“How are you?” I asked him. He was pale undoubtedly tired. He looked so alone, yet he just shrugged.

“I should be asking you that, not the other way around,” he said, lightly, trying to make me laugh. I let out a light snort and looked down at our hands. Through it all – all of his misery and his pain – he was trying to help me. In all my life, I had never known a more loving person. I know he and my father weren’t – well, hadn’t been – genetically linked, but he was as much of his child as I , and even Josh, was, even without the legal papers to prove it. Everyone who knew my dad, or had just heard of him by reputation, knew my dad had three children – Josh, me, and Chris. Josh, Dad, Chris, my father, Chris’s mother, and I had also felt that way, and nobody dared contradict it without a stirring up a battle.

“I mean it, Christopher,” I said. The words had not sounded stern, just motherly. I never used his full name unless it ws important. “Are you alright?” Sighing, Chris put his head on our intertwined hands and began weeping silently the tears he had held back for the past few days.

Ever since my – our – father had passed, Chris had been the strong one, never crying, but always stepping in with a shoulder for Josh and me when we needed one. It had been a long time since I’d seen him cry. The last time must have been six, maybe seven, years ago . . . when his stepfather committed suicide.

“Ssh,” I soothed, leaning down and kissing the back of his head as he wept. “Chris, honey, it’ll be okay.” Putting my head ontop of his, silent tears began to flow freely down my cheeks. I didn’t care enough to wipe them away . . .

“God, Ali, I’m so sorry,” Jamie said, lifting her head off my shoulder and wiping her eyes. She forced a weak chuckle. “I’m sure you’ve had enough with people crying.” Smiling softly, she took my hand and squeezed it. “How’re ya holdin’ up?” Taking a deep breath, the smile I gave feeling overly weak, I nodded.

“It’s gotten a little easier,” I admitted. She nodded, accepting the answer I gave her without any other questions as I studied her. Her hazel eyes were bloodshot and her mouth was set in a grim line, which was making an incredible effort to smile on my behalf. I felt a hand on my shoulder and reached up to touch it, unconsciously fingering JC’s ID bracelet. Giving my shoulder a slight squeeze was all I needed from him to slow my heart from it’s rapid speed. His touch made me calm when standing amidst all of these people, waiting to show me their remorse . . . their pity.

“Jay, this is my cousin Jamie,” I said, introducing him to the girl. “Jamie, this is JC, my fiance.” Her smile showed through – unforced for the first time that day – as she wrapped the two of us in one hug.

“Congradulations,” she whispered loud enough for only the two of us to hear. “I don’t think it’s appropriate to say too loud at this moment.” I nodded and smiled slightly at her.

“Hey, Alex.” I looked past Jamie and saw Nick and Howie weaving through the crowd of people. I hugged Nick as he reached us and he hugged me back tightly. When we released each other, I smiled weakly as Howie gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, man,” Howie said to JC, shaking his hand.

“Hey,” JC said, nodding a “hello” in Nick’s direction. Nick nodded back.

“Guys, this is Jamie,” I said, introducing them to my cousin. “Jamie, this is Nick and Howie.” Nodding slightly, Jamie managed, again, to force a smile.

“Hi,” she said, meekly. Taking a deep breath, she stepped back a little and looked at me. “Ali, I’m gonna go find my brothers.” I nodded silently and watched as she walked off. Blinking, I frowned. I know it wasn’t the kind of occasion to get hyped up about something, but Jamie loved Nick – or, at least, the Nick Carter she saw on stage. If it had been any other occasion, she would have jumped all over him.

“So, how’re ya holdin’ up?” Howie asked, concerned. I nodded, still watching my cousin as she sat down in a chair by herself, her brothers nowhere in sight.

“Not as bad as before,” I said, finally looking to whom I was talking to. Then, I turned to Nick.

“Nick, can you do me a favor?” I asked him, hopefully. He nodded.

“Anything,” he said.

“Can you go talk to Jamie for me?” I asked. “Keep her company for awhile until her family gets here. They called this morning to tell us that they had a delay at the airport when coming back from vacation in California so they won’t be here until later if they even get here at all. Could you just go keep her company for awhile? Maybe even give her a shoulder to cry on if she needs it?” Nick nodded as if the fact that I sounded so unsure if he would do it was absurd.

“Of course,” he said. Kissing my cheek, he headed in Jamie’s direction. I watched him approach her, obviously making some stupid comment about himself because she actually cracked a smile. When she looked over at me, I smiled slightly and she blushed, looking down at her hands, which were tied in a knot.

“Alex?” I turned around to see Josh standing on the beama, looking straight at me. Squeezing JC’s hand, I turned back to the three men.

“If you’ll excuse me.”

“Of course,” Howie said, flicking a hand in my direction. “Go on.” Smiling slightly, I walked towards my brother. Chris reached the beama the same time I did.

“We’re going to start soon, so lets try and get everyone in their seats,” Josh commanded gently. Chris and I nodded and I went over to the microphone positioned in the middle of the alter.

“Excuse me,” I said, my voice dry. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Excuse me, everyone.” The minimal talking quickly died down and everyone had their eyes on me. “We’re going to start the service soon, so if you’d please take your seats, we’d appreciate it.” The three of us got a few mild nods and slight smiles from the crowd as they began to quietly find their seats.

Unfortunately, this would not be a quiet service. The media had found out the date and place of the funeral and fans had been lining up outside since even before I had gotten there with Josh, Chris, JC, Shayna, and Star. Security was doing a good job of keeping them outside, though, which was a good thing.

When I looked around, my heart melted at the sight. We had minimal family, the only real extention being my mother’s sister (who had remained good friends with my father after my mother had died), Laurie, her husband, John, and her three children, Jamie, Charlie, and Tim. The five of them, JC, Shayna, Star, and three empty seats made up the first row on the right. There were plenty of other seats on the end but no one else dared to fill them.

The first row on the left held the rest of Galaxy and N’Sync, Claire, a few of my brother’s friends, and Brian and Kevin. Nick, Howie, and AJ were seated in the row behind them. I looked at Brian and Kevin, smiling thankfully at them. They smiled back and Brian blew a comforting kiss at me. As Josh, Chris, and I walked down the steps to take our seats, I went over to them and kissed them on the cheek.

“Sorry we were a little late,” Kevin said. “We a tiny bit of trouble getting out of the house.” I raised an eyebrow at them and Brian nodded and sighed. I only nodded back and kissed his cheek again.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you made it.” Smiling slightly, I made my way past the others, receiving hugs and kissing on the way. Once I got to Elis, I stopped for an exceptionally long hug. As the service began, I sat down in between Josh and JC. Taking JC’s hand, I squeezed it tightly.

I barely listened to the rabbi throughout the entire service. I thought that if I did, it would make everything final. I’m not sure why, but tuning him out made me feel a little bit better, though it probably shouldn’t have. Finally, he said the words I had be dreading all night.

“Would anyone from the family like to come up and share something about David?” he said, looking almost directly at the three of us. Blinking back tears – something I had been doing a lot in the past few days – I looked over at Josh. His lips were trembling and he shook his head slightly. He had never been good in front of an audience and this particular situation wouldn’t be any better. I took his hand and squeezed it, turning to look at Chris. He was looking back at me.

“I’ll come up with you,” he whispered, his voice cracking, “but I don’t think I’ll be able to speak.” Nodding, the two of us stood up. Before we could move, Josh jumped up and took my hand. Smiling slightly at him, I looked over at Chris. Taking my small hand in his, the three of us walked up onto the beama. I bit my lip as the rabbi came over and kissed both of my cheeks. I nodded and walked up to the alter as the rabbi took his seat behind us. I put my hands on the table to steady myself as I began to speak.

“I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, so please bare with me,” I began, looking around. Everyone had their eyes on me and, though I usually relish the spotlight, I suddenly began to feel afraid. Not of them, the congregation, but of the fact that as soon as I was done, it would all be final. Up until now, it had seemed like a dream, but as I looked out upon the people in front of me, it all suddenly became reality.

“It’s hard . . . to stand up here and think that this is it. That my father, the man who adopted me, the man who took me in, is gone.” Chris squeezed my hand and I paused in my sermon to look into his eyes. After a few moments, I looked back at the crowd. “My father has a special place in all of our hearts for many different reasons. He is in my heart no more than he is in my brother’s or Chris’s, but for a similar, yet strangely different, reason.” I tried to swallow the dry feeling in my throat, but found that nearly impossible. “David Samuel Emerichian took me into his home after only one day. He hadn’t signed any adoption papers yet, so he didn’t have to, but he did. He and Calysta saw in me, the day I was born, the potential, compassion, and love that I am only beginning to understand.” I looked at JC, who had tears in his eyes. He smiled lovingly at me. Then, I continued.

“As most people know, I wasn’t an angel child.” Some people in the crowd laughed softly, an effect I had been hoping for. My dad hated tears as much as I did. “I was loud, sarcastic, and incredibly stubborn . . . but they never gave up on me. I hadn’t known then, but I found out that a social worker had come to our home numerous times and had even offered to take me back to the orphanage, I was such a terror. Without me even knowing she was there, they had sent her away, appalled by the thought.” I caught a few sympathetic looks from the crowd, but dismissed them, determined to make my point before I ended up in tears.

“From day one, my parents taught me things that I could have only wished to learn had I ended up in an orphanage.” I looked behind me at Josh, who had tears in his eyes. He smiled. “When my – our – mother died, my father had to take over the roles of both parents.” I felt tears well up in my eyes and didn’t bother to wipe away the one that had escaped down my cheek. “But he did a hell of a job with it. Josh and I learned so much from him though I think it was Christopher who learned the most.” I looked at Chris questioningly and he read my question, his nod telling me that it was okay.

“When Chris’s father died, Dad took him under his wing without even being asked. Chris was like another son to him and he’d even stated said that numerous times. When anyone asked about his kids, he always included Chris without hesitation.”

“Josh, however, is his blood. Our father was the one who kept him in line and was able to help him out with anything and everything. He had a bond with our dad that no one could have replaced and it was nothing Chris and I could have ever hoped for.” I felt a hand on my shoulder but ignored it.

“Alex, you know that’s not true,” Josh said, softly. I shook my head at him.

“It is true, Josh, and that’s what make it so special.” Looking back at the crowd, I smiled my first real smile all day. “Our father had a special bond with all of us, as well as the people around us. To me, he was a savior; to Chris, a teacher; to Josh, an anchor. Despite all of the different things he has done for us, he will always be remembered for being one thing . . . our father.” Looking down at the closed casket, then up at the sky, the tears began to flow freely down my cheeks. “Dad, wherever you are right now, I have to say thank you. For taking me in, for making me part of your family, and for getting me where I am today.” A sob wracked my body as I said the last words. “I love you.”