The Dark Journey
Chapter 1 - Birthday
Wrapped in a cloak of darkness
he comes to me
late at night as I sleep
Enfolds me in his bitter embrace
and sends my mind out
on a journey to far off places
searching for the goodness and hope
the joys of yesterday
for today there is no hope, no joy
and goodness has become a myth,
a fairy tale, a childrens story
another lie in the web of lies
woven around my soul
and leaving me here,
broken, bitter, without solace.
I cry when he leaves me,
not for the sake of the parting with him
but for the sake of the parting
from my childhood, my innocence,
all stolen away so soon
never again to return.
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My twelfth birthday was both the best and the worst of my life. Mom had the back yard decorated with streamers and balloons. All my friends were there. It was a Thursday, the 17th of August, 1989. School would be starting soon, but there was still a bit of summer left to enjoy. The day was hot and sunny, just a little bit of a breeze off the Kern river. We had cake and ice cream after the presents were all opened and we played games and had a marvelous time.
The day would have been perfect except for one thing: my stepfather. He had started drinking early that evening after coming home from work. By dinner time he was staggering and pretty much making an ass of himself. I was hoping he would pass out by the time Mom left for work. As luck would have it, he did pass out on the couch around eight O'clock. Mom had left for the bar where she worked as a bartender around 6:30. I got my 10 year old brother, David, and my 6 year old sister, Anne, into bed around 9:30 and had just a little time to myself to read.
He came into my room not long after I had gotten into bed. He said he wanted to wish me happy birthday. I said fine, thank you, now please leave. He put on a shocked look and said I shouldn't be so contrary towards him since he was making it possible for me to have all the things I wanted. He sat on the side of my bed and put his hand on my hair, stroking it. I moved away and asked him to please leave so I could go to sleep.
He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me up close to his face. His face was contorted in rage as he explained to me how he could break me in two if he so pleased and as long as I lived under HIS roof, I would obey him or suffer the consequences. Then he kissed me, mashing my lips with his, forcing them apart and pushing his tongue into my mouth.
"I'll do as I like in my house. If you don't like it, you can leave ... or die." He said as he grabbed my left breast and squeezed it, hard.
Pain and humiliation filled me, but anger also rose up. "Mom will hate you when I tell her! She'll divorce you and then we won't have to put up with your drunken bullshit!"
"You tell her and I'll kill you and her both." He grinned. "and your pesky little brother and sister too."
"Then you'll go to jail forever and .."
"Not if they never find your bodies! Oh, I'll make you all disappear and say that your mother and I had a fight and she packed you all up and left me. I'll be the abandoned husband and you'll be the culprits. All you have to do is tell her .. or anyone else .. and that's what'll happen. You want that?"
"You're a sick bastard!"
He slapped me hard across the face, then pulled me close to his chest as I began to cry in big whooping wails. Muffling my sounds against his chest, he stroked my back with his hand and my flesh crawled. I tried to push away but he held me tight against him. His hands were moving across my skin, up under my nightgown. I could do nothing but shiver with the fear that was filling my mind. He began kissing me once again, pushing me down on the bed and holding me there with the weight of his body. He kept telling me how much I wanted him to do this, that he had noticed the way I always looked at him.
When he paused to remove his clothes I started to get up out of the bed and he grabbed my shoulder and turned me to him
"Where ya going to go Jenny? You can't run from me. I'll always find you."
I stared at him for a long moment, tears clouding my vision. He removed the rest of his clothing and climbed in under the sheet, pulling me to him.
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