The Dark Journey
Chapter 16 - The Eye of the Hurricane
sighs
wondering why
i torment myself
endlessly
thinking i can fit
among the beautiful people
tear my flesh
burn my soul
searing the hate
heart in a bowl
need a hand?
take both of mine
i have no use for them
anymore
as i slowly
fade
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My life seemed to be going in the right direction now. I was happier than I had been in years. I had good friends and a decent job. I didn't make a lot of money, but since I had cut the cocaine and alcohol out of my life I didn't need a lot of money. I spent most of my free time at the mission with Rachel, helping out with anything I could. I tried my hand in the kitchen for a week, but I was a dismal failure there and was jokingly banned from any cooking duties.
Mary taught me more sign language and I got to a point where I almost didn't need a translator while talking with her. She told me how her ex-husband had beaten her repeatedly throughout their marriage and how she had finally wised up and had him arrested for it. Rachel had been instrumental in that process and Mary said that she would do anything for her. That was why she stayed and worked at the mission. She did a lot of odd jobs, cleaning and cooking mostly, but she also helped with the bookkeeping and other paper work that needed to be done.
One thing that really troubled me was that I had to give my real name and social security number to my employer. I knew that, in order for him to be legal, he had to have the information, but it troubled me none the less. As time wore on I thought less and less about it. As Spring progressed into summer I thought less about the past and looked forward to the future, a good future with good friends and possibly even a return to school to finish my education. Rachel liked to impress upon me the importance of education. I knew she was right, and I decided that I would take night classes at the community college in the fall.
One day in late June of 1995, as I was approaching the café, I happened to see a frighteningly familiar face. It was Mark. He had found me after all. I stood frozen on the sidewalk and stared in disbelief. I couldn't think of what I should do. He turned and his eyes met mine. He began to grin. I turned and ran back down the street, ignoring his shouts. I ducked into an alley and over a small fence, through a yard and back out onto another street. In my mind I was thanking Gus for the wisdom of always scouting out the escape routes just in case. I hadn't thought I would need to run, but I had scouted anyway out of habit.
When I was sure that I had lost him, I paused to rest. My mind was working furiously. If he knew where I worked, the chances were good that he would know where I lived. I couldn't chance going home now. He may also know that I was spending time at the mission, so he may look for me there too. I made my way to Rachel's 2nd hand store, but she had taken the day off to go up to Lodi to visit her sister and niece. I stood there for a long moment wondering what to do. I couldn't stay here any longer with Mark nosing around. I wanted to tell Rachel what was going on, but I had no way to reach her.
Finally I made up my mind. I would go to San Francisco and try to find Sandy. I could take a bus over, but I was too frightened that he would look for me at the bus depot as well. I was jumping at every shadow and noise, so I rode 'shank's mare' out of Modesto, heading west on SR 132. I would call Rachel somewhere along the road when I felt safe enough. The calm was over and the storm was upon me once again.
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