The Dark Journey
Chapter 17 - Frisco and Beyond



If you were an angel
sent by the creator
to lead me back
upon the path of hope
to where i could find
love and life aplenty

if you were an angel
embodiment of all things
virtuous and right
bearer of the holy light
to keep me safe
on the journey

if you were an angel
why did you send me
to hell?
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Two weeks later I was in San Francisco. I had called Rachel when I got to Livermore and told her what was going on. She offered to come and get me but I declined the offer. She wanted to bring me my things from the apartment, but I knew in my heart that Mark would be watching it and besides, I didn't want him doing anything bad to Rachel. I told her I would be ok on my own, that I had done this before. I told her I would contact her later, whenever I had the chance. She accepted this and we said a tearful goodbye.

When I finally got to Frisco I began searching through the phone books looking for Sandy. I couldn't believe how many Abbots there were and I couldn't remember her father's first name. I started going down the list of possibilities, calling and asking for Sandy. I didn't have any luck and I was getting a very bad feeling about staying too long in one place. I found a bit of shelter in a stairwell behind a book store and slept for a few hours.

My cash supply was dwindling rapidly and I knew I would have to replenish it. I didn't want to take a job where I had to give out my name and social security number. I was sure that was how Mark had found me. I knew how to make fast cash though, and did some 'business' during the nights, calling my list of Abbots and desperately trying to find Sandy during the day. There were still a few numbers where I had gotten no answer, but I didn't feel safe here. My nerves were shot and I had to move on. I picked up a backpack, sleeping bag, and a pair of boots at an army surplus store, bought a few changes of clothes and some food, and made my way up the coast on Route 1.

I had a bit of a breakdown I think along the way up the coast, and just south of Fort Ross I decided that it really wasn't worth going on any longer. I was worn out completely and without a shred of hope left. I made my way through the scrub grass and rocks to the edge of the cliff and looked down. There was a tumble of rocks and sand at the bottom. The rocks looked very hard and very sharp. I doubted that I would live very long once I hit bottom, and after a bit of thought, realized that I didn't care one way or the other. Maybe I deserved to suffer for a few hours before I died. Whatever happened after, I knew this was right.

I stepped to the very edge of the cliff, closed my eyes, and began to step over. At that moment I experienced the only 'divine intervention', if you will, that I ever had in my life. I swear to God that I heard from behind and to my left, a woman's voice saying "It's a wonderful view isn't it?"

My eyes flew open and she continued. "It kind of makes you glad to be alive, to be able to enjoy something so simple as a sunset over the ocean."

I turned towards the voice, meaning to tell this meddler to go away and let me finish my journey here. There was no one there. Just a breeze blowing the long grass and a few seagulls squabbling over some piece of carrion. I stared back towards the highway for a few minutes, then turned back to the brink. The rocks below didn't look nearly as inviting as they had before, and my eyes were drawn towards the setting sun and the way it shone off of the waves changing them from indigo to maroon to orange with flecks of yellow at the tops and black shadows beneath. I stood there for probably 30 minutes before, with a small shake and a shrug, I worked my way back to the road and continued my walk.


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