The Dark Journey
Chapter 18 - The Kindness of Strangers
I've lost it all
and it's hard to get it back.
Once you start to fall
there is really nothing to grab hold of
and you continue down.
It's a long way to the bottom
and it hurts when you hit
but you really don't notice
because by then your senses are numbed
and your mind wanders off
on tangents of its own.
People like to watch you as you fall,
some will even help you on your way
to the bottom,
and once you get there
to the last stop on the line
you have three choices.
Maybe more but three main ones
that i could find:
You can wallow in your self pity
and misery for the rest of your life
or you can end it all with a gun or a knife
or you can claw your way back up
to the middle.
It isn't easy
and those who watched you falling
are the same ones who stand by
and watch you try to make the ascent
and those who helped you on your way down
will do their best to keep you there
but every now and then you may find
someone who is willing to lend a hand,
to bandage your scraped and bloody knees
and give you some small boost
to help you on your way back up.
You will probably slip back down a time or two,
most likely more than that,
and eventually you will reach the middle
the place where it all started.
From here you can choose your way
up or down, sideways
it doesn't matter because it is all up to you,
and by the way
if you happen to see someone
struggling to make it back to the middle
give them a hand
they will be forever grateful.
Trust me on this one
I know from experience.
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The third day north of Fort Ross the weather turned cold and rainy. I holed up for a while in Mendocino, a tiny little burg with a couple of stop signs and a gas station. I was completely out of money and food by this time. There wasn't much hope of making any money on this route, and I began to curse myself for not taking 101 instead. After spending a second day of inactivity and hunger, I couldn't stand it any longer and, rain or no rain, I hit the road once more.
I had walked a little more than three hours I would guess when the car pulled off the road ahead of me and the woman behind the wheel asked where I was headed and could I use a ride. I accepted the ride and she got out and helped me shuck my pack and stow it in the back. She got back in the driver's side and I went to the passenger door and tried the handle. It was locked and for just a second I was sure that she would laugh and drive off with everything I owned, leaving me standing on the side of the road in the rain. She leaned over, unlocked the door and I got in, grateful for the warm dryness that suddenly surrounded me.
She asked again where I was headed, and I thought about it for a minute. I really didn't have a destination, I was just moving. I shrugged and said 'North'. She said she was going as far as Eureka and would that be ok with me. I told her that it would be just fine. She made a little small talk that I half listened to. Mostly I watched the land passing me by at 60 miles an hour, something I hadn't seen in what seemed like ages. She said her name was Debbie, Deb to her friends. She told me to call her Deb. I gave her my Nadine Swan alias.
Three hours later the lights of Eureka were glowing up ahead and Deb asked me if I had a place to stay the night. I said I would find something but she wouldn't hear of it. She took me home to her apartment and cooked dinner while I took a shower. We talked about minor stuff over the meal and I helped her clean up. We talked for a long while, sitting at opposite ends of her sofa. I honestly don't remember much of what we talked about, but I'm sure I told her a small part of my tale, just enough to satisfy her curiosity. She got out some blankets and a pillow and I bedded down on the sofa for the night.
The next morning when I woke up Deb was already in the kitchen cooking breakfast. My backpack was on the floor next to the sofa and I began rummaging through it to find something dry to wear. Everything was still pretty damp from the rain. She offered me the use of her washer and dryer, so I emptied my pack and separated my clothes. It was a fairly pitiful assortment, barely enough for a full load. She had a bit of laundry to do also, so we combined.
We sat and drank coffee and talked a little more. Again I really don't remember much of the conversation, but it was nice just sitting in a warm dry place with another human being. The weather wasn't showing any signs of letting up so she invited me to stay for another night. I gladly accepted and thanked Deb for her kindness. As I folded and repacked my clothes, she watched for a little while, then went down the hall to her bedroom. She came back with an assortment of clothes and told me to help myself. This was her 'Salvation Army' pile, but she said that she would rather I take what I wanted. That way she got to see who was receiving her donations and knew they were going to a good cause.
The next morning was overcast but the rain had stopped. I took a shower, had another good breakfast and thanked Deb for everything she had done for me. She said it was nothing, and before saying a final goodbye, she opened her purse, took out her wallet and held out a Twenty dollar bill to me. I looked at her and then at the money and I shook my head. I told her she had already done enough for me. She took my hand and pressed the bill into it, telling me not to argue, that if she didn't want me to have the money she wouldn't have offered. I thanked her again, shouldered into my pack, and walked down the stairs.
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