Cliff Of Destiny: Revisited

up the coast highway once again
driving this time, not walking
very little is recognizable
passing little towns where
i had scrounged through trash
hiding from rain
hiding ...
hiding from
much more than rain
and what good did all the
hiding and running
do me in the end?
people read my words
and say i am strong
but i know the truth there
i have seen true courage
during the past week
my pitiful little show of strength
is but a shadow of hers
i see the place now
my cliff of destiny as it were
where i was told
by an unseen guide
which path i must choose
she parks at the fort
with a hug she tells me
'go, find your peace
or your demon, whichever
it may be. i'll be here.'

a mile back south down the road
it still looks the same
scrub grass and sea birds
squabbling over some carrion
wind blowing into my face
as i walk out to the brink
my cliff of destiny
where now is the messenger?
i want to tell her
she was wrong, yet she was right
softly spoken words
fall from my lips
blown off by the wind
'i know you are listening.
you sent me away from here
into a world of hate and
defilement. a world of
evil and depravity.
why? was i such a horrible thing?
did i need to be taught another lesson?
was it like the good christians say?
god tests you to find
how strong your faith is?
well, god or whoever you are
have you seen enough?
you tested my faith and i rejected you
and all your earthly holy houses
and your dogma spouting serfs.
are you satisfied now?
is there more to come?
answer me damnit!'

wind sighs through the scrub grass
birds cry, fly and peck
at the lump of stuff at
the foot of the cliff below
still i stand and, silent now,
waiting
waves roll in endlessly
and i think
i am like the sand
tossed around by
the waves, moved from
one place to another
piled up, torn down
piled up again in another place
always at the will of
some other force
but do i have to be the sand?
could i not, instead, be
the waves?
no, that would mean
carelessly moving, piling
changing the sand
but ...
what if ...
i could be both sand and wave?
not being controlled by some
outer force, nor subjecting
something else to my will
but freely working as one
to create ...
something new
i ponder this as i turn away
from my cliff of destiny
not sure if i have gotten my answer
but feeling like
i am on the right path

a mile back up the road
she waits, smiling
i take her hand in mine
return the smile
kiss her once, briefly
'let's go home'