Scars

standing naked
in front of the full length mirror
as i have trained myself to do
these past two years
i hate looking
i hold my arms crossed
in front of my belly
hiding what is there
then the struggle begins
eyes closed my arms drop to my sides
i don't want to open them again
don't want to see
but that is part of the healing
so i make them open
and i look
now i make myself examine each of them
one by one
remembering when where and how
and who, always who
thighs and stomach crisscrossed
ugly ripplings glaring pink
lift each breast left then right
to expose the ones hidden there
face
make myself open my eyes again
pull my hair back from my forehead
trace the ugly lines down my cheek
and finally to examine
the most damaging of all
i begin to stare
into my own eyes