Some Time We’ll Understand

     Many times in my younger years while going through deep anguish I've cried to God from the depths of my soul "Why?!" I admit, to my shame, I sometimes even doubted God's existence, in times of deepest despair, because I could not begin to understand HOW He could let anyone go through such pain, if He did exist. I knew that I could never even think of letting any person, or even an animal, suffer like that. How could God, if He did exist, and IS LOVE?? I battled these thoughts way too long, but my precious Savior was so patient with me. He didn't give me an answer to "why" or "how", but He did give me a precious thrilling answer.

* "Jesus answered and said..., What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter. John 13:7

     This answer has been an immense comfort to me, because even though I was crying "Why?" all the time, I knew deep inside that there wasn't ANY answer that I could comprehend anyway. No reason would have even touched the depths of anguish in my heart, or suddenly put my shattered life back together. I was so weary I could hardly think at all in the darkest times, and it was the most precious comfort to just rest in His love and care and know that SOMEDAY, I would understand. For today I don't even try to understand. I leave it with Him, and rest in His loving arms.

     It's been a long time since I've asked God "Why?" about anything in my own life, and it's become more and more precious and comforting to me to just leave all the "whys" with Jesus, and not even think that far. He knows, and I don't need to. He is leading and I'm following, and I would never have it any other way.

     Then the other day when one I love so dearly was suffering, I found myself sobbing out “Why??" AGAIN to my Heavenly Father. "WHY, Lord??!! Why is someone so precious, suffering so deeply?" To suffer myself is one thing, but to see others that I love too deeply for words, suffering, and not be able to make it all better is excruciating to me. But again, the answer is just the same, and comes so tenderly: "TRUST me. You don't understand it today, but someday you will".

     I could almost hear my precious Savior say so gently, "Are they more precious to you than they are to Me? Do you love them, more than I do?"

     "No, Lord."

     "Couldn't I just speak a word or think a thought, and remove this anguish from your dear one instantly?"

     "Yes, Lord."

     "Then trust me, just trust me."

     "OK, Lord, with my hand in Yours, yes, I'll trust you, through the tears!"

Not now, but in the coming years,
It may be in the better land,
We'll read the meaning of our tears,
And there, some time we'll understand.

We'll catch the broken thread again,
And finish what we here began;
Heav'n will the mysteries explain,
And then, ah then, we'll understand.

We'll know why clouds instead of sun
Were over many a cherished plan;
Why song has ceased when scarce begun;
'Tis there, some time, we'll understand.

Why what we long for most of all,
Eludes so oft our eager hand;
Why hopes are crushed and castles fall,
Up there, some time, we’ll understand

God knows the way, He holds the key,
He guides us with unerring hand;
Some time with tearless eyes we'll see;
Yes, there, up there, we'll understand.

Maxwell N. Cornelius

2004 A Sister In Christ