© 2001 By Ian Lumley
498 words.

‘Body chocolate! What the hell’s body chocolate?’ said Doris.

‘A birthday present from Kevin a couple of weeks ago,’ said Nicky. ‘He wants to smear it all over me and lick it off.’

‘Bloody hell! Your birthday or his? Pass the beans… this shelf needs stacking. God I wish I was nineteen again. Never had anything like that in my day.’

‘He’s been nagging me for nearly two weeks now.’

‘Men! Er… tell me where did he get this stuff?’

‘From some  weird catalogue I think.’

‘My Stan would never do anything like that. Besides, I bet you can’t get it in 45 gallon drums.’

‘I don’t fancy it. We’d have to put newspapers down.’

‘Mmm, yes. You’ve got beige carpets haven’t you?’

‘It’s all he thinks about. He moved in three months ago, no ring on me finger, nothing. He won’t even meet me mum and dad. They’re coming round for a meal Saturday night and he says he’s going out.’

‘I know what I’d do.’

‘What … you think I should do it?’

‘It’s your body and it’s your chocolate… But if you want to have a go… make him work for it. That yoghurt’s past its sell by date...’

‘You mean blackmail him?’

‘Definitely. Tell him he can have his “chocolate” after he meets your mum and dad on Saturday.’

‘You know, I think you’ve got something there.’

‘We’re out of prunes as well…’

***

‘Well it’s nice to meet you at last Kevin. Pass the gravy please Nicola’

‘Er…  you too Mr Jenkins.’

‘It’s sauce Dad not gravy.’

‘Don’t mind him Kevin,’ said Mother. ‘He’s always called a spade a spade.’

‘So what do you do for a living Kevin? This boiled fish is nice love.’

‘Dad! It’s not boiled fish and its not gravy! It’s poached halibut in Hollandaise sauce!’

‘Well, whatever it is it’s very nice. Kevin?’

‘I work at the exhaust centre  in Shepley.’

‘Good lad! Working with your hands. Good honest toil.’

‘Er… well… invoicing and ordering actually, on the computer.’

‘I hate computers,’ said Dad.

‘Sounds like a good steady job,’ said Mother.

‘Right, Everyone finished? I’ll clear this away,’ said Nicky

‘A bit boring actually,’ said Kevin. ‘Everything’s been boring lately. Still, won’t always be boring will it?’ He smiled at Nicky. She smiled back at him.

‘Well you two seem very happy together,’ said Mother. ‘That’s nice.’

***

‘Well how did it go?’ said Doris ‘Just put those cakes on the tray will you please love.’

‘Oh… I suppose it all worked out for the best… funny thing is I don’t think I’ll miss him.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He left after the meal. Said we were finished.’

‘Oh I am sorry love. Did you parents frighten him off?’

‘No. Nothing like that.’

‘And he left without his “chocolate”.’

‘Yes. I think that was the trouble. When mum and dad left after the meal he asked for his chocolate…’

‘and…’

‘I told him he’d already had it… poured over his profiteroles. He packed his things and left.’

‘Bloody men! Do these melons feel ripe to you?’

****