Epinions Blows Dog!
by LadyCynic on Oct. 28, 2001

Pros: Um...
Cons: What?
The Bottom Line: My turn to share right?
Recommended: No

In our illustrious leader's own words...

DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR JUVENILE MEASURES!

As such, I am pleased to announce the "EPINIONS BLOWS DOG" writeoff. Since the bright, shining stars at Epinions’ headquarters have determined that OUR reviews are no longer OUR reviews and are, in fact, THEIR reviews (an action punctuated by their disablement of all edit and delete functions on your own intellectual property), why don’t we go ahead and fill their pillaged hoarde of literary booty with some writing they can REALLY be proud to "own"! ~Sordid-1~

LadyCynic's submission...

whòre (htr, hor)
n.

1. A prostitute.
2. A person considered sexually promiscuous.
3. A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.

whòred, whòring, whòres
intr.v.

1. To associate or have sexual relations with prostitutes or a prostitute.
2. To accept payment in exchange for sexual relations.
3. To compromise one's principles for personal gain.

Picture in your mind the "proverbial" whòre. Don't picture the slutty little tramp at work that blows her way to the top, nor, possibly, that cheating bìtch to whom you vowed eternal companionship. No, think about, and form the image in your mind, of that nasty, dirty little skank that lurks down that dark alleyway at four in the morning willing to spread panties to the first person with a needle brimmed with heroin. See how she lays there with her eyes barely open, her right breast exposed through a filthy and tattered t-shirt partially covering a pair of urine-drenched denim shorts? Notice how the dumpster she's leaned against hasn't been emptied since before douches were invented? And how the spunk from a hundred ejaculations glistens in her hair like strands of Christmas tree tinsel?

Oh, but she wasn't always this way. She was once a respected and honored member of society. A "trendsetter", actually, who led the way in respectability and embodied a prudish sophistication. An innocent waif in the eyes of society, albeit a bit too naive. Nevertheless she was an attractive catch to numerous suitors who were beating down her door. She made them feel loved and respected. She gave them a sense of comfortable well-being in an otherwise unforgiving world. She made them popular and gave them focus. For some, she gave their lives meaning. And they returned that affection with volumes of literary works. Which she borrowed, in turn, to amass her fortune.

Then, the decline. She started to become greedy. She gave less and less, but received just as much. Sure, some of the suitors gave up on her, but the others remembered the glory days and continued on...even as things got worse. She looked at their loyalty and mistook it as weakness. She continued to give less, but demanded more -- she was trying to squeeze semen from a eunuch's testicles. The loyalty, however, lived on in the hopes that she'd come to her senses and appreciate their contributions to her wealth and success. But to no avail. Finally, the last suitor abandoned the pretentious wench as she locked the writings in her personal vault. Even as she called out for more, it fell upon deaf ears and she quickly found herself alone and penniless. She turned to drugs and booze and blah, blah, blah.

Even today, when you click open your browser, you can still see the ghost of a once prominent business sucking air like a gaping throat wound. Her life destroyed on the brink of sure self-destruction. No money, no friends, no wonder. She pìssed away what could have been a great thing. She violated the trust of her friends, shìt on them, and in the process, gave up her whole reason for existence.

The once young and invigorating Epinions has succumbed to moral decay and has cast herself into the depths of whòring herself out. Many like her have faultered, but few in such a vile and despicable way. And that's the thing about whòres, regardless of what they look like, or what your perception is, they're all the same. They cast aside their moral fiber in the face of trying times. How un-American. Goodbye, you arrogant, lying, stain on the sheets of the Internet. Goodbye, and good riddance...um...but I'm not bitter...really!

Owns this vehicle: No Amount Paid (US$): self respect Model Year: 1999

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For a time in October 2001, you could have read this review on http://www.epinions.com . It has been deleted from that site, but other writing by the author is still available there at http://www.epinions.com/user-ladycynic .