I get better treatment from Dell
by deaser26

I noticed that many of my favorite writers and friends were throwing something down with the delightful title that Epinions Blows Dog. Now honestly, Joydrop and I have a really fine dog. She brought it with her from Seattle, and he is well trained, disciplined and really doesn’t make a whole lot of fuss. The dog in question is Judge Roy Bean (a.k.a. or as the case may be AKC…Justice). Justy is a 120-pound, professionally trained Bullmastiff – a.k.a. bullmassive. He is a delightful dog, and still has his testicles.

Epinions, however does not. So here is an off topic review of a Dell computer that I own, and that I have written on and that I really love – this computer rocks. There are even pictures of our dog here.

I know because Justice has his testicles, that he is fully capable of producing sperm, and so if Nirav wanted to love up on him, he could probably end up pleasuring Justy and coming away with a mouth full of nice, warm, doggy cum. Since Bullmastiffs are fairly aggressive dogs, I am quite sure that he would be equally happy with blowing his load on a pant leg, or even squarely up the “collective Epinions ass”. I know that as he got closer to the realization that Epinions favored dogs like him, that he would start to get more and more turned on…realizing that his dream blow job was just around the corner, that all that waiting could be over soon…that as their eyes met, the magical fire would light.

I wouldn’t let those “fuckers” near our precious dog.

The news that Epinions has decided to stop three things has led me to question doggy behavior and training:

Dogs Work for Food

Justice, like so many of his counter parts in the dog world, and like many of his cohorts works for food. This is a little known factoid, but rich in logic and instinctive in a hundred ways. If I want to work on a trick with Justice, or if you really want to see him do his thing in the show ring…you have to have little snacks.

A big part of Epinions Blowing Dog is that they have taken away our snacks. By disallowing pennies for hits, they are eliminating incentives for our writing skills. Now I have to tell you people, I get $100 a page for the magazine articles that I write, I make a lot of money programming computers and analyzing Natural Gas systems and I have two book deals in the works. One of my book deals is with WROX publishing, a company that Epinions has neglected in a big way. So I am not writing here for the very small amount of money that it generates for me. I am writing for the comments, and to try to make some of you laugh. I am writing because it is just good practice. They are taking away some of my doggie treats, and if we treated Justice like that, he wouldn’t sit, or stay, or give me high five, or speak or release…you get the point.

Good Dogs Protect the Flock

Justice watches out for us. He sits by the door sometimes, and if there are strange movements, strange sounds, he reacts strongly to those things. By eliminating the content partner sites, Epinions has stopped watching out for the flock in any way at all. They have abandoned us, and began listening to their accounts. Not to offend any of you who have chosen to take up the gauntlet of columns and keeping track, of counting beans, of listlessly adding things up all day – I say that we should all remember that Jesus was betrayed by his accountant. Epinions is blowing dog today because they are being led astray by people who think that they can clear out enough writers who don’t fit a certain profile and restock with people who will only write the dry and boring product reviews.

I continue to write some reviews just because I finished a book, or went and saw a movie, but sometimes I write to get an outrageous comment from LamboLucifer, or to make Tom 4-1-1 laugh, or to tell the world how much I love my girl (the inimitable Joydrop). There are a lot of times that I want to see how Badkittym, jkkelly, or Imokliel react and if I get a rise out of thom413. I like to see what my gay friends are writing about this week, if Ed Grover is going to make me fall on the floor laughing – or open my eyes to an author I hadn’t seen before, or if Thom is going to talk some more about his wonderful romance. Here’s to continuity my brothers.

I want to see how outrageous I can be from time to time, just for you guys. I like to see if Lorace or Serc or Kristinafh or cr01 or glommarone are checking me out for music, or books or if I am making them laugh. I like to see I can get a chuckle out of Cerdo or Fez monkey or Dantesguide or sumo_rhino or any of the other amazing writers that are here amongst you all.

Hell, I have even gotten positive comments from Gracef on book reviews…well “fuck me blind”.

I like to see if I write something horribly technical if I can break it down and distill it for a few of you, who might learn something. Maybe you will, I like to try.

Instead all there is are a few drops of doggie cum that they didn’t get quite cleaned up off of their chins.

I would like to point out that the Anal Sex books; the ESO books and all of the other sex manuals don’t really address bestiality very well. So even if the Epinions denizens wanted to really explore how to get into some good technique and really please Justy, they would just be $#147shit out of luck”, as we are all feeling today.

Dogs Must Have an Individualized Space

Most bullmastiff owners keep a Crate for their doggies to retreat to. They are raised to do so since their earliest childhoods, and Justice is no exception. Since Epinions Blows Dog, they may want to know where we keep Justy’s crate so that they can get in there and really go to work tonguing his balls, and working at his most excellent doggie orgasm. I think he also likes a finger slid slowly into his little doggie ass at the moment of truth, not that I would know, but I can just tell from the look on his face, from the longing. I think that as Epinions is Blowing Dog they should remember that during blow jobs both men, women and probably dogs like a little digit in the sphincter. It enhances the orgasm, and the throbbing is quite spectacular. Justy would like a little Epinions finger.

The Crate is also used for some down time when he needs to rest. It is used to correct the dogs and help them with their order, for their own protection really. It is a place of sanctuary for the dogs.

I can tell you that eliminating my ability to correct things in my writing just absolutely “pisses me off”, takes away my control and my ability to lean on my perfectionism and OCD. I wouldn’t treat Justice this way, how could I feel such abuse at the hands of what seemed an extremely creative way to make money, gain friends and feel the flow.

Epinions is thinly veiling their desire to keep a lot of us from bailing and taking our hard written work with us. They are acting cold, and trying as hard as they can to kill the business. Not since Borland have I seen a business work as hard as this one has at trying to take itself down the crapper. No wonder they have resorted to sucking bullmastiff cock. There is a time and a place for canine sex, and apparently its October.

Writing is therapeutic for me. I see a therapist, and have been for some time, and one of my primary releases for tension, anger and overwhelming desire to go to extremes is writing. It helps me to work with my hands, it exercises my mind and it helps disseminate a lot of what I can’t always articulate any other way. It’s not supposed to become a further source of stress. And yet it has.

I am disappointed, disillusioned, disgruntled and a little put out. I may be put out after this rant, but I am astounded that they would deign to try to cover it up so, and to abandon those who have brought them here. I can’t say how sad that part of things makes me.

I have some pictures of Justice on my web site, and I have some on my computer, which is a Dell. I really like my dell – and I can tell you that if I had any hope of writing a funny or thorough review of my nice new dell I would have tried to. But instead I just decided to rant and have a beer and some nice smokes with my friends here…those who have made me laugh again and again. I will miss you guys if you go…miss the laughter, and the unexpected camaraderie. This has been a glorious ride.

So in closing I would just like to say, stay the “fuck” away from our dog.

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For a time in October 2001, you could have read this review on http://www.epinions.com . It has been deleted from that site, but other writing by the author is still available there at http://www.epinions.com/user-deaser26 .