Part of this review is about J.Lo, a CD from Jennifer Lopez.
The Truth About JENNIFER LOPEZ NAKED and Epinions Blows Dog
by joubert on Oct. 27, 2001
Pros: A sense of community that fades a little every day...
Cons: ...and is made worse by ham-handed business decisions
The Bottom Line: Read all about it: Epinions blows dog here.
Recommended: Yes
This is the magic review. This is how I’m going to tell you about how music criticism can lead one to discovering JENNIFER LOPEZ NAKED!
Track by track, cut by cut. Lovingly labor intensive music reviews made up the favorite part of my Epinions experience. That’s what happens to frustrated ex-music critics who won’t trade their comfort to start over again and do something they probably should never have stopped.
I wrote about backup musicians and traced their pedigree back to their earliest session days, looking for links to their current project, and surmising the steps between. Research for every project was Board of Directors level. I scoured Radio and Records, Billboard, Joel Whitburn’s chart books, the RIAA site, anyplace I could to find more detail. I’ve presented multi-million deals with less research than I did on a SH1TTY Quincy Jones album. Okay, it wasn’t that bad, but it was mundane. Actually, it was flippin’ brilliant analysis, worthy of publication and earned me the grand total of 95 cents. But 55 cents of that was actually in Income Share so I shouldn’t complain. Half of that review’s earning power is left intact by this site’s myopic management team.
It’s not about the money, it’s about the functionality
Yes, there are plenty of folks who figured out how to game the system.
Madonna nude.
J-Lo sexy pictures!
Earn money at home!
Tommy and Pamela Anderson honeymoon video
all in a review about a mattress, which if truth be told, was better than reading about How To Choose The Correct Eating Utensil and All About Socks
Here’s the silliest part of the Epinions pay model. For months, they paid users with pennies. A penny for every two pages on a customized mirror copy of the site. That was supposedly to make up for pay rates that changed as high as 30 cents per read at one time. Well, what do YOU think everyone did? Of course, they surfed their own sites. And when that hole was plugged, much like many others have been plugged around here, everyone simply swapped with a partner and surfed under their own site.
Idiocy.
We did so because we could, not because anyone wanted the pennies. Sure, they were nice to take the kids out for dinner once a month. But since my kids eat out at least once a week anyway, it wasn’t like the money was needed.
But now I can’t edit. And that sucks because at least one of my reviews has multiple errors. Oh well. You figure it out. The tea goes in the harbor here.
I Want My MTV and My Frickin’ Edit Button
I posted three and four thousand word album reviews on Epinions. Do you remember groaning when a professor told you to submit a thousand words on a topic? Four thousand words. Billy Gilman’s sainted mother didn’t write as much about that little twerp as I did. He’ll stop hitting those high notes when the equipment latches into place anyway.
Yes, with careful copy editing that one should always practice (but wash your hands afterwards, please) Epinion posting should be a breeze. Copy, paste, submit, done. Wham, bam, and mind the fish guts on the floor. But I want my MTV instant gratification that even CNN has ripped off now, and I’ll be burning for all time before I drop another five hours on a review that I can’t even edit. So what if I post with a typo or the date 1981 instead of 1982? Who cares if I credit the wrong guitarist. We are here to help consumers make better choices. Oh, and those consumers could hardly care when the thing was recorded, who did the mixing and why the arranger’s credentials are so important. Instead, they want to know if the music is any good so they should buy it. So that will be my level of production until the ability to edit my work is restored. You want to know if the music is good so you can make an informed decision?
JENNIFER LOPEZ ALBUM REVIEW
It sucks. Don’t bother. She’s over-hyped, over-rated and if I looked like that in a green dress, I would make millions down in the Village. Or at least a lot of friends. Sure, it’s got a beat, Dick, I’ll give it an 88 for that. On a scale of ten thousand maybe. Don’t waste your money. Anything worth hearing will be overplayed on the radio and in the clubs. If she lost any diction, she would be this generation’s Yoko.
THE SECRET
Yes, many are writing under this silly guise to prove a point. Epinions Blows Dog. But besides that, the site won’t allow individual’s creative work to be edited by those individuals even though Epinions holds no copyright on said work nor do they claim to publish the work. If the edit and delete function is restored, this review comes down.
And the secret. Oh, please.
Of course, J-Lo gets naked. How in blazes do you think she showers? And what do you think is under that dress anyway? I give that an 88 too. On a scale of a thousand. I’m feeling generous. Now I wonder how she feels about dogs.
© 2001 Joubert
Great Music to Play While: Going to Sleep
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For a time in October 2001, you could have read this review on http://www.epinions.com . It has been deleted from that site, but other writing by the author is still available there at http://www.epinions.com/user-joubert .